Of Broken Memories
Title: Of Broken Memories
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN. All recognizable characters and situations belong to their respective owners and I make no profit off this.
Prompt: Week 7 Third Verse BtVS/SPN/Dark Angel
Characters: Dean (Ben), Buffy, Max, John
Word Count: 1711
Spoilers: BtVS post season 7, SPN preseries, Dark Angel season 1 “Polo Loco”
Summary: Sequel to Of Fractured Minds. It is time for Dean to tell Buffy of his past as Ben, of the things he had done.
A/N: Of Fractured Minds can be found here
I am considering making this into a full length story so let me know what you think. As always GO Team Winchester.
Banner made by Dhfreak
Chapter 2 Of Broken Memories
It was high, night had fallen and the world lay below them so far away. They were removed from that life.
He knew he was dreaming again, remembering.
She was beautiful, dark hair, liquid brown eyes and Dean knew he she was suppose to be his salvation, But she hadn’t saved him.
“The barcodes. Why the barcodes?” she seemed to care but he didn’t know if that was a lie too. If his mind was twisting the reality of what had happened because he knew what he had done. How could she care for him because he also knew that she knew?
He could hear his voice from a distance hard and cold, so firm “They're soldiers. Worthy opponents.”
“But you're not giving them just any barcode. You're giving them yours.” He didn’t want to remember. Didn’t want to remember the way she had stood their accusing him, eyes filled with despair and hope.
He had been defensive knowing the direction she was trying to lead him to “War is art, remember? So what if I sign my work?” It had all been an experiment. His entire existence, to see if one of his could fit in a normal society? To see if a soldier could blend in with a normal society. It had been a deal between a couple wanting s son and Manticore wanting a soldier.
“No. It's more than that. You give them your barcode, then you hunt them down and kill them. Don't you get it? You're killing yourself over and over again.” Even then he had known it was wrong, knew that what he was doing made him a monster.
But he wanted so desperately to believe.
He had laughed bitterly and she had just kept working through his psyche “Do you hate yourself that much? Hate what you're doing that much?” She knew too much, he hadn’t seen her since the night of the escape and still she knew him too well.
Max, his Maxie, the closest thing he had come to a sister barring Sammy at his chick moments.
“I do it for her.” His mother. The Blue Lady, for whoever would save him. For whoever would accept him.
He wanted to wake up. He wanted to stop remembering. He wanted the damn amulet to start working again and shield him from a past that had always lingered inside him, reminding him that he was wrong and didn’t fit in, that he didn’t deserve to be loved and that no one wanted a freak that was so broken.
Except her, he wanted her. He wanted to tell her and have her not turn away from him.
His eyes flew open and he could feel the tears on his cheeks and the warm body beside him. He turned his head burying himself in her vanilla scent wanting to block it out. To forget again and remember only her and his life as Dean Winchester.
He knew she was going to ask, he had tried to hide it, tried to play it off but she had saw the dark circles under his eyes and the tightness in his shoulders.
Sometimes his little Slayer was too damn observant.
She knew him just as well as the other. Except she had been with him, months of getting to know each other. Of hunts and battles fighting side by side getting closer with each bout of bloodshed, each comrade lost because they were too slow.
Of course they were going to end up together; everyone had known it was inevitable.
Now he had to tell her that he was a monster and hope she made it quick.
Dean sat up in the bed reaching for his boxers and pulling them on as his feet hit the carpet.
“Dean.” her body rolled to him her voice soft as tired green eyes looked up at him questionably “So are you going to tell me what’s the matter or do I have to pry it out of you.” she wrapped the sheet around her body as she sat up a small smile on her lips “Cause I can you know.”
He let a soft smile touch his lips as he looked at her, golden hair mused green eyes heavy lidded and to him she seemed to glow. She was a promise of distraction, of forgetting everything but the golden glory she was made of.
He had lost himself in that the second she had arrived.
He let the smile fall from his lips and he took a deep breath
What if I told you I wasn’t who you thought I was….” His laugh was biter “hell I’m not even what I thought I was.”
Suspicion and confusion battled in her eyes and her tone was cautious “What do you mean?”
Dean gave her a twisted smile and his fingers slid over the cord around his neck as he slipped it off over his head. He grabbed her hand and dropped the amulet into it. She had once asked him what it was, why he never took off but when he had refused to answer she had dropped the subject.
How could he give her answers when at the time he didn’t have then himself?
“That was supposed to make me forget but its not working anymore.”
“What was it suppose to make you forget?” Buffy asked as her hand closed over the gold jewel eyes locking with his neither judging nor accusing….just waiting.
Dean sighed his voice sounding like gravel to his own ears as for the first time he spook the truth aloud “My dad and mom thought they couldn’t have kids so my dad used some government connections and 9 months later I was born.” He looked at the wall remembering what he had been told by Lydecker. “My dad made a deal, each summer since I was 5 I would be sent to the base to receive training and be monitored. Mom was dead but he still kept the deal, he sent me every summer until I was 8, then he didn’t get me back.”
Dean looked over at Buffy and told her the full truth “Manticore dealt in genetics, creating the perfect soldiers. Since birth the children are trained to kill and follow orders, I was an experiment, to see if they could integrate one of their own in a normal society but when they thought I had become to attached to my family that took me away.”
“Dean…” Buffy touched his arm the amulet dangling from her hand and Dean choked back the emotion welling in his throat.
“For two years they had me but some of us escaped, they call us Transgenics we have numbers and barcodes, I’m X5-493.” He had to get it out he had to finish it. “We’re faster and stronger and smarter, we are the perfect soldier.” He turned away from her “we got out and I lost them and found Dad and Sammy and everything was fine, for awhile.”
He looked up at her with haunted eyes “Manticore had made sure there was something wrong with me, something only they could fix. I ditched Sam and Dad and I started killing people, Buffy I killed people. I hunted them down and I murdered them, I ripped out their teeth and I offered them up to the Blue Lady because she was supposed to save me from the nomalies.”
He pulled away from her “Then Max found me and I asked her to and she killed me but I wasn’t dead. He got me and he told me that they had made me right again. The Dad came and he made me forget.”
Dean remembered that night, he wish he didn’t because it connected him to it, to what he had been.
“Dean.” A soft voice broke through the haze that seemed to cloud his mind and warm hands were on his face.
“Dad.” He croaked and he felt the familiar comfort of the older man holding him. Something cold hit his chest as a cord was slipped around his neck and he could hear Bobby chanting in the background.
“Dad?” his voice rose panicked as he felt something burn the back of his neck and those comforting arms held him tightly keeping him for escaping the searing pain. Wide eyes landed on his father in confusion and pain.
John Winchester’s voice was firm “It will be okay Deano. We’re getting rid of the barcode. It’s a mixture of acid and sulphur and whatever the hell Jim thought up.” Dean relaxed letting the pain roll over him and his hand touched the necklace in confusion as the chanting got louder and there was a buzzing in his head. John gave him a soft smile “That’s to make you forget son.”
The buzzing got louder and a small smile slipped on Dean's lips as he drifted off knowing he wouldn't have to remember the blood that soaked his hands.
Dean turned back to Buffy as he stood facing her feet set apart ready to take anything. She slowly got off the bed and surprised him when her hands went around his waist and her head rested on his chest. Tears pricked his eyes and her voice was soft and soothing "I am going to call someone later and we're going to get answers," she looked up at him love still in her eyes "I know you Dean Winchester and you are not a monster."
He wished he was as sure as she was.
Because he felt like a monster.