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The Four Pranksters of the Apocalypse

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Summary: Pranking people is fun. Pranking people interdimensionally even more so.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Xander-Centered
Multiple Crossings > Dawn-Centered
InfinixFR1567,19235523,32119 May 077 May 08No

Penguins and Counseling

Anita Blake stared at the scene before her in slack jawed shock.

"Hey Macerena!"

The spare bedroom of her house that held her penguin collection was possessed.

"I'm talkin' 'bout the Y...M...C...A."

Although she had never heard of anything like this before it was the only thing she could think of that could possibly be responsible.

"Twist and shout!"

Though what kind of possessing spirit would make every penguin from the small figurines to the two foot tall stuffed ones dance around to music she couldn't find the source of was a complete mystery. Anita would have Tammy from RPIT and a few priests come and do an exorcism and cleansing.

Though how she was going to explain this Anita had no idea.


Jean Claude was shaking in fear, actually it was closer to terror than fear.

His captors were evil bast... no his counselors knew best and were the very definition of kindness for helping Jean Claude and his fellows.

They had all been bad but they were being good now! Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts!

He and the others were all working through their problems.

Kraven was no longer being a bad boy after being disciplined with the collar.

Jean Claude shivered at the thought of the electrified collars.

Spike no longer needed to depend on women and boasting to validate his existence. He now enjoyed making children smile and taking care of the cripple... handicapable.

Angelus had found he enjoyed breeding poodles and making sure everyone got plenty of hugs.

It was poor Frost that had suffered the worst though, he had given up all plans of godhood and now hugged his knees sitting in the corner singing The Song to himself.


"This is the best hell dimension ever."

"I don't know Xander it seems a bit, cruel."

"They are all evil and deserve their fate, well except JC he's just an asshat and this is a warning to shape up." Xander hugged Dawn to reassure her.

"It was extremely kind of Supreme Overlord Barney-"

"-and his Teletubbie minions."

"Yes and his Teletubbie minions to do this. Though I think I am going to have nightmares about The Song for weeks."

Fred, Dawn and Xander all nodded their heads in agreement

George shivered in fear. "Those Barney kids though, I didn't know that kind of pure evil existed. I mean I thought Voldemort was bad but-" He trailed off with another shiver.

The other three nodded in agreement again.

"When we get home I'm going to hug Katie, Alicia and Angelina and never let them go."

"Agreed brother. Let's check on the actual counseling."


Niles Crane had to say that these were three of the strangest cases he had ever taken. The fees that were double his normal fees were just icing compared to the chance to study the three in front of him.

"Now Mick what have you learned?"

"That I should stop concentrating on the negatives of my condition and just be thankful for what I have."

"And you Asher, what will you take away from this experience?"

"I am beautiful on the inside and my scars do not affect that. Ma petite and Jean Claude love me for who I am and anyone who can't see past the scars are not worth caring about."


"I must understand that people will likely have a certain visceral reaction when they first see me but I must give them a chance still."

Niles made a note in his book. "Very good Asher. You are beautiful and you just need to remember that. Okay Richard, it is your turn."

"Being a werewolf does not make me a monster, only my actions decide whether I am a monster or not. My pack is better off with me than without me." Richard stopped and looked to Niles for confirmation.

"Keep going."

"I must be more understanding with Anita. I need to think before I speak and not say things I know are going to hurt her. When I am angry it's better to tell her that and talk to her or to tell her that I can't talk to her than to say things in anger I don't mean or ignore her."

"Anything else?"

"At this time Anita and I are not good for each other in a relationship but I shouldn't let that effect our friendship or our work."

"Good, I think we have all made great progress and I want you to actually apply what you have learned. Therapy doesn't work if we don't do the work."


There was something very wrong with Anita's world. Jean Claude seemed, well, off and had developed a nervous tick and seemed to hate the color purple.

Asher at least seemed to be happier though Anita wasn't happy about his sudden change. He didn't hide in the shadows as much anymore and seemed to have developed a friendship with Richard.

Richard said they had both decided that a bit of therapy would be good for them and indeed it did seemed to have helped them both but it was just weird in Anita's opinion.

She wasn't even going to think about Jason's more modest wardrobe or that her entire pard seemed to have a new appreciation of catnip, though Anita was pretty sure the last was just them messing with her head.

Luckily the penguin problem as Anita thought of it was mostly solved. The dancing and singing had stopped after a visit by Tammy and a priest. There had been the attack penguins but those had turned out to be a good thing when they had foiled a Humans First raid on Anita's house. She had still had them cleansed and she only needed to find the last one. The attack penguins had been two foot tall stuffed penguins with numbers on their fronts; number one had whistled, number two squeaked and number four made a bell noise when it moved but it was the third that she couldn't find and it was driving her mad.


She knew it was here, it honked randomly every hour or so but after ripping apart her entire house she still had no idea where it was.


"Any bets on how long it takes her to realize there is no number three?"

Xander's fellow pranksters were to busy laughing to answer.

I just want to say that I had the dancing penguin scene all thought out and I was happy to have something that I thought was really funny and original and then my sister had to go and tell me about Happy Feet and ruin my good mood even if I have never even seen the movie.

The End?

You have reached the end of "The Four Pranksters of the Apocalypse" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 7 May 08.

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