Disclaimer: I don’t own Jareth, Snape or Spike.
All Severus Snape, Potions Master extraordinaire, had wanted was a flask of goblin blood. Was that too much to ask? Apparently it was, because when he had asked for it he had no idea that he would end up trapped in a bubble with a vampire and the Goblin King himself. He rubbed at his temples. Who would have guessed that the two were as annoying as they are? They kept prattling on and on and on. He was beginning to wonder if they would ever shut up. He had to admit though that his hopes would probably be in vain, because it was becoming more and more apparent that they each loved to hear themselves talk.
After what seemed like a few hours, the vampire he had learned was called Spike spoke to him. “You don’t bloody talk much, do you?” He asked.
Snape shrugged. “There is no reason to.”
The Goblin King nodded. “He’s right you know. You don’t talk much.”
“Why would I?” He retorted, with a roll of his eyes. “There’s not much intelligent conversation in here is there?”
“Pardon me?” Jareth asked. “I’ll have you know that I am very intelligent. I am a king after all.”
Spike snickered. “Of goblins. Not much to brag about there.”
Snape smirked. “The vampire does have a point.”
“Quiet!” Jareth fumed. “I’d watch it if I were you. I am more powerful than both of you.”
“Yet you managed to get us all trapped in one of your infernal bubbles.” Snape pointed out.
“Hell yeah,” Spike chortled. “I’d say that’s very intelligent.”
Jareth raised his eyes heavenward. “It’s a crystal, damn it.” He corrected. “Nothing more, nothing less.”
“Oh, excuse us!” The vampire bit out sarcastically.
Snape had enough. He hated being in small, strange, enclosed places. “Perhaps you could stop whining and get us out of here.” He directed at Jareth. “I have work to do!” He ground out.
Jareth smirked. “Yes, because potions is so much fun.”
Spike seemed to take on a thoughtful look. “I’ve dabbled with those. I found it quite soothing.”
“Who asked you?” Jareth sneered. “Maybe it isn’t the potions. You know what I think?” He asked with a hint of teasing.
Snape grimaced. “No, because then I would be saying that my mind runs on the same small amount of fuel as yours does.”
Jareth laughed. “I think the reason you want to get back so badly is that lovely assistant you have.”
Spike perked up. “Oh, an assistant, huh?”
Snape rolled his eyes. “She’s a student.”
Jareth shrugged his shoulders. “So,” he said. “She is of age you know.”
“I don’t care, Hermione is still a student. Unlike you I don’t drool after school girls.” Snape spat.
Yet Spike seemed to catch onto another morsel of information. “First name basis, huh? With a student?”
Jareth bristled. “What do you mean by that, Snape?”
Snape shrugged. “It’s no secret to the wizarding world that you fell for a muggle teenager.”
Spike nodded as he finally caught up to the conversation. “This is true. It’s known amongst the demons as well.”
Jareth sighed as he finally resigned to the truth. “Believe me, Sarah is much more than a mere muggle.”
Snape stared at the Goblin King confused. “When is a muggle not a muggle?”
Spike snickered. “When they have the power to knock Jareth here on his ass?”
“There was no knocking.” He said with a slightly raised voice. “And what about you?” He asked pointing at Spike.
Spike stopped his chuckling. “What about me?”
Jareth smiled. “You like them young too! But I dare say I am not as twisted as you.”
Snape scrunched up his face. “You lost me in this feebleminded prattle of yours.”
Jareth pointed at Spike. “Our dear vampire here fell in love with a slayer, and I’m not feebleminded.” He shot back.
Snape’s face contorted and turned slightly green. “That is twisted, and bordering on disgusting. You’re dead, she’s not. You cannot begin to fathom the disturbing pictures that thought alone causes,” He told Spike… “and yes you are.” He said pointing a long finger at Jareth.
“Hey, Buffy seems to like dead guys!” Spike said in his defense.
Jareth gave him an incredulous look. “What do you mean?”
Spike shrugged and leaned back in has chair. “She fell in love with the poof.”
“Poof?” Snape asked.
Spike through up his hands. “Angel. All tall dark and brooding. Vampire with a soul. Bloody out for redemption and all that rot.” He explained.
Jareth smirked. “Paints a pretty picture doesn’t it?”
Snape groaned disgusted. “Makes me wonder what your basis of comparison is?”
“Why does that sound familiar?” Jareth asked as an afterthought.
Spike snorted. “Why don’t you try to make sense, old man?”
Jareth shook himself back into the present. “Oh, right.”
“Nothing I have ever done is worth this torture.” Snape said as he rubbed his face with his hands.
Spike gave him a confused look. “What torture?”
“Being stuck with the two of you!”
Jareth snickered. “Right, because Hermione is waiting.”
“Welcome to the ‘loves bitch’ club.” Spike said then burst out laughing.
Jareth smirked and shook his head with his mismatched eyes shining with humor. “Such a pity.”
LOL... Sorry, I had to write it! Please review!