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Secret Suckers

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Summary: Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes has a new product.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Non-BtVS/AtS StoriesaixlaFR131335061,23630 May 0730 May 07Yes
Disclaimer: I'm not Jo, the Weasley's aren't mine.


The Weasley twins were looking especially pleased with themselves as they sat down at dinner.

Fred cleared his throat to gain the attention of the Gryffindor’s table. “Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes is proud to present it’s latest concoction:”

“Secret Suckers!” The twins announced together.

“Slip this lollipop to your best friend,” George continued.

Fred cut in “Or your enemy!”

“And in minutes they will be spilling their most intimate secrets.”

“Of course, due to the dangerous nature of this product we will be selling to Gryffindor’s only.”

“Wouldn’t want any Slytherin’s to get their hands on them!”

The Gryffindor table was full of questions for the boys, and soon the commotion attracted the attention of the head of house, Professor McGonagall.

“What’s this all about then?” she asked as she strode down the aisle. “Ah, are you boys handing out sweets? Well that’s kind of you.” Before anyone could protest, she had chosen a red sucker for herself, popped it in her mouth, and worked her way back up to the head table.

“Well, this’ll be interesting,” chuckled Fred.

George shrugged. “Free advertising.”

“If she doesn’t put us out of business for good.”

For a few minutes, it looked as if nothing would happen. Dinner was about to dismiss when suddenly ...

Professor McGonagall jumped up on the table in front of Professor Dumbledore!

“Minerva, is everything alright?” he asked calmly, trying to guide her back to her chair.

But Professor McGonagall was not about to be led down from the table that easily. She got down on her knees, just inches from Professor Dumbledore’s face, and began to sing.

“T-t-t-t-t-t-touch me! I wanna be dirty! Thrill me chill me fulfill me! Creature of the night!”

The prefects hurriedly ushered the students out of the great hall before the esteemed professor could make a further fool of herself. As they took one last glance back at the crooning McGonagall, Fred remarked to George “Perhaps we used a few too many songbird feathers.”

The End

You have reached the end of "Secret Suckers". This story is complete.

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