Title: Once You Had Gold
Author: Maeve Bran
Summary: Daniel contemplates his love life.
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1. I'm just borrowing the characters and world for a little fun.
Spoilers: For everything up to 9.6 "Beachhead"
Notes: Written for the Multi-Fandom Lyric Wheel, for Jedi Buttercup. The prompt was Enya, "Once You Had Gold".
Daniel Jackson sat in his office at Stargate Command. He held the picture of Sha're in his hands. It had been almost six years since her death and still her picture sent needles of grief through his heart. They had had such a short time together yet that time remained golden in his memory. That was the last time he had been as happy as he had been the last several months.
Vala had turned his world upside down. She had come in claiming to have an Ancient treasure map and then linked them together. Somewhere between the treasure and today's destruction of the Ori beachhead, Daniel had come to appreciate the thief's finer qualities. He didn't just mean her physical attributes, although he was red blooded enough to admit those were spectacular. She had still driven him absolutely crazy. But somehow in the craziness, he had managed to put some of the loneliness of the last years behind him.
Daniel was in a fully contemplative mood now. That always happened when he stared at Sha're's picture for more than just a glance. He started reviewing his romantic life.( Anything to keep from imagining nightmare scenarios in his head about what had happened to Vala.) He remembered his college relationship with Sarah Gardner. He had been such a fool then. He hadn't really know what he was doing. She was his first girlfriend and he had been in the middle of his second doctorate. Nothing excused his treatment of her though. She had come on to him in the library and he had gone along with it.
When you really thought about it, like Daniel was doing now, both of his romantic relationships he had just stumbled onto. Not that he hadn't had feelings for both Sarah and Sha're. He had. His feelings for Sarah paled in comparison to hers for him but they had been there. No matter what Sarah may have thought, he really did have feelings for her. OK, so maybe not as much as he should have and he knew he should have shown them more. Growing up in foster homes, Daniel had learned early to hide what he was feeling or he'd be pounded into the dust. He had tried to be the boyfriend Sarah needed but his studies had made it easy to hide his feelings. It was easy to see in hindsight what he should have done.
His love for Sha're was legendary. It had taken Sha're most of the year on Abydos to get Daniel to show how he felt. It hadn't been that hard for her to break through his walls. She had done so persistently and deliberately. He had felt exposed and vulnerable at the time but now he blessed her memory. So where did that leave him and Vala. Daniel didn't know but he knew he just had to have a chance to find out. Vala couldn't have died. He knew he had to get her back. He had to see if his new dreams could possibly come true.