TtH • Story • Our Mr. Tam

Categories	Author	Rating	Chapters	Words	Recs	Reviews	Hits	Published	Updated	Complete
Firefly > Xander-Centered > Pairing: River	MidknightJ	FR15	7	12,325	19	138	64,060	1 Jun 07	1 Aug 08	Yes

Married!?

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Disclaimer: I'm poor. I own nothing

Notes: This is just a quick fic I wrote after rewatching my Firefly DVD's. Hopefully it gets my muse going again. It's based off the Firefly episode 'Our Mrs. Reynolds'.
Notes2: This has grown to become a multi-chapter fic and the first part of a series.

Space ships and cowboys. What an odd combination. Xander thought as the cargo doors closed, cutting off the view of Elder Gommen on the dust filled path. He barely felt it as the Firefly class ship began its way to atmo as he shook his head with a small grin playing on his lips. But it seems to work somehow.

“Need some help storing those supplies?” Xander asked the captain of the ‘boat’ as he’d heard it called. “The least I can do for you giving me a lift off this rock.”

The man shook his head as he hefted another box. “As I recall you’re paying good money for this ride.”

“True, I just feel like I should make myself useful during the trip.”

“Money’s useful,” the captain said before nodding at the big guy rapidly leaving the room. “We have sit down meals most nights, but if you’re hungry follow Jayne. Likely where he’s headed.”

Xander was about to protest when his stomach made its opinion known. Loudly. He had the good grace to look a little sheepish. “Ah, ya, maybe I’ll do that then.”

As he follow the big guy up the stairs Xander could have sworn he heard a chuckle from the captain. No sooner had he made it to the kitchen than a woman’s voice came over the intercom.

“This is Zoë. We need all personnel in the cargo bay.”

The big guy grunted his displeasure but quickly made his way down nonetheless. Xander stood there for a moment wondering if he should follow. His stomach chose that moment to growl loudly again.

“Oh shush you,” he said before heading back down himself.

What he found was an obviously surprised and flustered captain, a meek woman in front of him and a crew that was enjoying his displeasure far too much. He decided to stay back some and watch the drama unfold. Who knew this trip would be a lot like high school?

As he arrived he heard the cute mechanic exclaim, “You got married?!”

Oh ya this was going to be good.

“Well, that’s, uh…” The normally well-spoken doctor seemed to be at a loss here. “Congratulations?”

Xander nearly laughed out loud at how much like a question the doc made that sound. He actually let a chuckle slip when the captain out cried ‘She’s no one’ in frustration, only to glare at the man as his new missus burst into tears.

Even the perpetually peppy mechanic lost some of her pep at that as she turned on the man. “Captain!”

The captain struggle to come up with some way, any way, out of this before finally turning to the crying young woman and asking in an almost pleading voice, “Would you stop that.”

“I’m sorry,” she said as she shrunk back.

The jovial pilot piped in with a jib at the captain at that point. “You brute.”

Speaking of the pilot, Xander reminded himself, I have to ask him where he gets those shirts. I’ve been looking for a decent Hawaiian since I got to this time.

“Hey sweetie,” the mechanic said as she put a comforting arm around the girl. “Don’t feel bad. He makes everybody cry. He’s like a monster.”

Xander had to slap a hand over his mouth at that point to smother the laugh as the captain exclaimed ‘I’m not a monster’ before he turned to the pilot. “Wash turn the ship around.”

“Can’t.” The pilot, Wash apparently, responded unrepentantly.

“That’s an order!”

“Yeah, but can’t,” the pilot repeated. “The Alliance touched down the second after we left, and there's already a bulletin on the cortex as to the murder of a prefect's nephew. That's right, one of our bandits has family ties. So unless you feel like walking into a gallows, I suggest we continue on to Beaumonde, and you... enjoy your honeymoon.”

“This isn’t happening,” the captain said more to himself than anyone else as he futilely tried to regain control over the situation.

“Would you stop cryin’?” That had about as much effect on his new wife as it did the last time.

“For God’s sake Mal!” The beautiful and elegant woman dressed in clothes probably worth more than his old car yelled, which Xander figured was a rarity for her. “Could you be a human being for thirty seconds?”

The pilot came back over at that point and Xander was no longer able to stifle all his chuckling. “As one married man to another - ”

“I’m not married!” The captain exclaimed finally seeming to crack as he turned to the young woman who started it all. “I’m sorry. You - you have very nice qualities, but I didn’t ever marry you.”

“I believe you did,” the shepherd said as he came back in the room, having apparently slipped away, with a palm pilot looking thing in his hand. “Last night.”

The captain turned to the big guy. “How drunk was I last night?”

He just responded with a shrug. “Well I dunno. I passed out.”

“It says here,” the shepherd said as he began to read from the screen. “The woman lays a wreath upon her intended, which I do recall, which represents his sovereignty.”

Xander only vaguely heard the captain’s ‘that was you?’ as he stopped laughing.

Wait a minute…

“And he drinks of her wine. And then there's a dance, with a joining of hands. The marriage ceremony of the Triumph settlers. You, sir, are a newlywed.”

“What’s it say in there about divorce?” That was apparently the last careless comment the mysterious missus could stand as she bolted from the room in tears.

The mechanic and captain shared an exchange in Chinese but Xander ignore it. Not like he could understand it anyways. Besides he was too distracted to care.

Images of personified grace in a blue dress flash before Xander’s eyes as he vividly recalls flowers, wine and dancing.

“Oh crap!” And he must have said that out loud as all eyes were suddenly on him.

Before he could think of anything to say a rather familiar girl in blue took his hand and leaned into his side contently. If he had ever done a better deer in headlights impression Xander couldn’t think of when.

“River?” the doctor questioned looking at her confused and cautious and him like something he scrapped off his overly expensive shoes.

Xander never felt so much like a cornered animal. Even when he was possessed by the Hyena. He wanted to say something, anything to get out of this. So he chose the most eloquent thing he could at that point.

“Oh crap!”

River, however, was much more direct as she happily informed everyone, “We’re married!”

Silence reigned in the cargo bay, as no one seemed to know what to say about this development, though the doctor’s face was turning an interesting shade of red. This was so much funnier when it was happening to the captain.

Xander looked up to the ceiling and asked, “What did I ever do to you?”

River decided to respond for the Almighty by kicking him in the shin and leaving in huff.

As he hopped around on one foot Xander wondered aloud. “Why am I always the universe’s butt-monkey?”