Originally posted on my LJ
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer is owned by Joss Whedon, Not me! Don't own, don't sue! (Sorry - disclaimer was erased when I formatted for TTH)
Angel always knew preternatural hearing would be the end of him one day. Even moving to the furthest corner of the Hyperion could not drive out the sounds coming from one of the large hotel's kitchens. Even the fact of them being in the basement did not quiet them, instead the moans and conversation seemed to echo into every nook and cranny of the building.
"I don't think that will fit!" Angel heard Wesley exclaim.
"It will. I have been doing this for years. Trust me." Xander replied.
Angel was seriously starting to contemplate if Shanshu was worth this punishment. He always thought that the PTB's were playing a cruel joke when they assigned Cordelia to be his Seer. He had had no clue that it was all a trick. Only Xander coming to Los Angeles with Dawn to escape the hellmouth and wondering what a demon was doing wearing Cordelia as a coat saved him. The One Who Sees seemed to be the only one to realize that Cordelia had never descended. Angel did not know what he would have done without this piece of knowledge. The Cordelia-demon was quickly vanquished and everyone wondered how they would know who to save without the visions. Thank the Goddess that Dawn had the answer. Her training with Tara had revealed that she had the gift of foresight which was quickly being warped by the corrupting influence of the hellmouth. Xander and Dawn seemed heaven sent at the moment. Angel was certain now that he had been thinking of the wrong type of afterlife.
"Mmmmmm..." came the unmistakable sound of Xander with his mouth full.
This could not get any worse, Angel was sure. But then there was the same sound coming from Wesley. Angel wanted to bang his head against the wall. Anything to stop this torture. He could feel Angelus starting to stir in the back of his mind and start making suggestions.
"What a pair those two would make. Can't you picture them on their knees begging to serve you for eternity?" Angelus purred.
Angel was ashamed to admit that he had always thought of turning both brunettes as Angelus and even after his soul had been returned. Xander was a true White Knight that he had dreamt of tarnishing. That night in the hospital Angelus had been a hair breath close to bringing the young man back to the mansion and making him listen. He had all of the equipment set up and ready from teaching Spike how to respect his elders. He had stolen a lovely bullwhip that would have taught Xander a thing or two. Even before his soul left Angel had dreamt of making Xander obey. He did not like that Xander had never been afraid of him. Even as Angelus he was still Deadboy to the foolhardy child. Wesley was at times the complete opposite of Xander but he dreamt of doing the same things to him. Even now after so long he still wanted to rumple the Rogue Demon Hunter's composure.
"No more! I am too full." Angel heard Wesley complain.
"You can take one more." Xander insisted.
That was the last straw. Angel refused to be forced to hide in his own hotel. He started down the many staircases still hearing the moaning and other noises coming from the kitchen. As he approached the door, Angel was astonished to see Fred peaking though a slight space between the door and the wall. Fred was almost constantly in Dawn's presence since the duo had arrived. Angel looked around too see if he could see the young Key anywhere near this spectacle. He had promised Buffy to watch over Dawn and Angel had no intention of letting her within a city block of this debauchery.
"Fred, what are you doing?" Angel whispered touching her lightly on the shoulder.
"Shhhhhh! What are you doing scaring me like that?" Fred scolded.
Angel did not know how to respond to Fred without raising his voice. He pulled her a little ways down the hallway and opened a door to one of the long abandoned laundry rooms.
"What type of role model are you for Dawn allowing her to witness, this, this..." Angel growled while pulling Fred through the entry.
"This is something every one should know, Deadboy." Angel jumped when heard Xander behind him.
As Angel turned he could see Xander, Wesley, and Dawn entering the room. He did know how he had missed them following him.
"Xander was just teaching Wesley something amazing!" said Dawn.
Dawn was nearly bouncing in excitement with her desire to share her find with Angel. She had spent too much time pouting in her room since she had be banished from Sunnydale. It wasn't fair that Buffy could stay and keep Spike while making her leave. Fred had been great in trying to keep Dawn entertained, but sometimes the conversations between the Texan and the teenager became strained. Especially when Fred started to write on the walls again.
Angel could not believe this. He had thought that Xander was not always the best example but to inflict his perversions onto Wesley while allowing Dawn to witness the spectacle was beyond the pale.
"No more!" Angel bellowed. "You are gone and I don't ever want to see you in my town again Harris."
"But, but, but..." Stammered Xander while looking between Angel, Wesley, Fred and Dawn. The last three bearing expressions of shock and wonderment.
"Angel, I know it was not the most healthy of past times but there is nothing wrong with certain appetites." Wesley tried to interject.
"If you truly think that then you can go as well. I will not have you two perverts bringing Dawn into your sexual shenanigans." Angel insisted.
"Sexual what!" Came from many voices.
"Mr. Harris was simply proving that it is possible to eat multiple Twinkies at one time." Wesley explained to Angel with a slight smirk.
"Angel, how could you think Xander would do something about s. e. x. around me?" Dawn asked still needing to spell the word sex.
His vampire constitution did not allow him to blush but Angel wished for the ground to open up and swallow him. Xander and Wesley had been eating Twinkies. Nothing improper had been happening. All this time he had been imagining some kinky sex games happening in the kitchen when they had only been eating snack cakes. Angel turned and fled down the hallway to the stairs.
"Come on Dawn, we need to get away from the big, bad Twinkie monsters." Fred giggled pulling the smaller girl after her.
"I can't believe he thought we would carry on in front of Dawn!" Xander exclaimed while pacing just inside the door.
"Do not let it worry you Xander. You can finish teaching me tonight. Perhaps in my room?" Wesley asked.
"Your room?" Xander said coming to an abrupt stop and facing Wesley.
"Indeed, I believe that Angel had an excellent idea and we should fulfill his expectations to the best of our abilities. I shall endeavor to be prepared for our tutorial. Please come to my room at 10." Wesley instructed before exiting the room and heading after the others.
"Thank you, Deadboy!" Xander remarked after ensuring that everyone was out of the range of hearing. He quickly left in order to prepare for more lessons that night.