Disclaimer: I own neither Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor the Discworld saga, a fact for which I will be eternally in mourning. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. I don't own that quote either.
Boy Meets Girl
Pairing: none…heh-heh-heh…Poor Xander!
Characters: Read and find out
Timeline: No specific time in Buffy, but likely somewhere around the Hogfather in the Discworld
Have fun!Words in italics are thoughts.
Only in Sunnydale.
Only on the Hellmouth.
Only to Xander.
Scary how he's thinking of himself in the third person…curse his constant inner monologue! He wasn't crazy, damn it!The curse of the demon-magnetism strikes again,
Xander mused silently, not really surprised by this point.Not to say that she isn't pretty,
his inner monologue continued. She's actually pretty darn attractive. OK, so she's down-right hot, but I have the strong feeling that if I said that to her, I'd receive the DeathGlare. Heh. 'Death Glare'. Too right.
He backpedalled slightly in sudden fear. OK, so maybe my expression is showing my thoughts to her. Ai-yai-yai. Scary woman! Right. Xander, back off now, and you may just possibly keep all body parts intact.
Gulp.For the most part.
"Nice lady…look, see, backing away now. I can pretend that I didn't see you, how's that? I didn't see you ride up on that freakin' huge white horse and use your glowing blue scythe thingamajig to help that poor guy's soul along to…heaven? Hell? Purgatory? The afterlife? Heh-heh." OK, so still getting the Death Glare.
"Right…Uhh…love the hair, did I mention that?" When in doubt, compliment their looks, right?
"I mean, the black and white, with the streak, totally in style right now, not that I'd know, cause, come on, the Xand-Man, on the up-and-up with the fashion? Not likely!" Did I really just say that?
"Er..right…uhh…so..are you new to this job," he tried small talk, "'Cause I was sure that Death was male…er…well, actually, how do you tell the gender of a skeleton? I mean, I'm pretty sure that human-ish skeletons are pretty much the same all over, anatomically speaking…right…I'll be going now, how's that?" He backed up some more, but paused when his curiosity got the better of him.
"By the way, do you really have those sand thingies? You know, the sand falls, and it measures my life somehow, which is really pretty freaky. I mean, come on! Why is it sand? Couldn't it be something like, I don't know, sugar? Colored sugar, like in Pixie Sticks?" He paused, his eyes widening. Huh. That's…kinda cool.
"Oh. So that's what my sand-falling-in-a-glass-bottle looks like. Is the rate at which the sand falls directly proportional to how long I stand here annoying you?"
"Meep! Right-o, message received and noted." He backed up some more, then halted when he felt something blow warm, hay-scented air into his ear. "Er, nice horsie. What the- Is that a mouse skeleton with a scythe? Right…right…leaving now." A more flawlessly executed hasty retreat had never been done, and certainly not with that particular...gracelessness.
"Whew…" Are all body parts intact? All appendages still attached in the proper places? Whoo-hoo! Way to go, Xan! You survived! Hey, if a babe like that comes for me when I die, bring it on! Did I just feel a breeze? The air suddenly seems much…chillier.