They were sitting on the couch in silence. Neither of them willing to risk breaking the silence. They looked up at each other, then looked away.What is this?
Sam thought frustrated. How does he know me?
"Who are you?" Sam finally asked quietly.
"My name is Alexander Harris. I'm from a small town called Sunnydale, which is a crater now. I attend Stanford and major in psychology." He stated.
Sam laughed, feeling some of the tension flowing out of his body.
"I'm sorry Xander. But this is kinda crazy. How do you know me? Why do you have all those paintings of me in that room?"
"Honestly, I have no idea how I know you. After I left LA and came here, I started to dream of you. Seeing your face every time I closed my eyes. I got into art thinking that if I got it out on paper, that maybe the dreams would stop. But they didn't." Xander sighed and faced Sam. "When I saw you today, it was a complete shock. I mean the man I've been dreaming about for months is right there standing in front of me. I'm sorry."
"No... I mean, I don't know." Sam sighed frustrated. "I don't know how to handle this. What do we do?"
"How about we be friends Sam?" Xander asked smiling.
Sam looked and smiled. "I'd like that."
Xander sat on the couch, dazed. Sam had left a few minutes ago. They had talked for hours about everything and anything. Leaving out the supernatural aspects on both sides.
He felt relaxed now. Knowing that Sam wasn't going to run away screaming. He stood up and headed for his room to get ready for bed.
He lay there thinking about Sam, Spike and life in general. He sat up and reached onto his nightstand and grabbed his journal. He flipped it open to the last entry, the one he wrote about Spike. He ran his fingers over the words. God, I miss you.
Xander thought and grabbed a pen.So today I met the man of my dreams, literally. I honestly don't know what to do. He seems like a nice enough guy. At least he didn't think I was some psycho stalker.
God I miss you Spike. What am I supposed to do?
He set his journal down and turned of the lamp. Laying there thinking about his day before sleep consumed him.
"Hey there luv."
Xander spun around to face the voice.
"Spike?" He whispered.
Spike smiled at him. "It's me love."
"Oh god Spike. I missed you so much." Xander said as he launched himself at Spike, never wanting to let go.
"Told you I'd always be here. I missed you too." Spike grabs his shoulder and holds him at arms length. "Its time love, time to let me go."
"No Spike, don't ask me to do that." Xander said teary eyed.
"I'm not asking you to forget me. Just to move on and let yourself be happy with someone."
"Sam..." Xander whispered.
"Maybe, you'll never know unless you give it a shot." He says as he pulls Xander into a hug.
"Shh love." Spike interrupts him whispering in his ear, "Listen. Sometimes we get second chances, but sometimes we never make it past the first."
Spike hugs him tighter and tighter. He feels like he can't breathe. He jerks away from Spike and...
Sits up in his bed breathing hard. Michelle Branch's' "Second Chances" blaring from his alarm clock.A dream. It was all just a dream.
He thought sadly.
~~~~one year later
Xander looked around. He and Sam were having dinner at a restaurant, a pretty expensive one by the look of it. After they were done eating and the table was cleared off Sam cleared his throat.
"I have a gift for you." Sam told Xander as he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small box. "Go ahead, open it." He said placing the box on the table.
Xander opened the box and looked inside. He picked up the ring that lay inside. It was silver with an eternity symbol in the center. The initials 'X' and 'S' on either side.
"It's a promise ring." Sam said smiling. "To let you know Ill always be there for you.
"Thank you Sam." Xander said as he placed the ring on his finger, leaning over the table to kiss Sam.
"I got something for you too." Xander said nervously. He put an identical box down on the table and Sam reached for it.
"Wow." Sam stated, staring at his ring. "What does it mean?" He asked noticing the symbols etched into the ring.
"Friendship, love, loyalty and protection. All the things I promise to give to you. Look on the inside."
Sam looked at the inscription on the inside of the ring: 'Always, S&X' with a little heart at the end.
"Aw Xan." Sam said leaning over the table giving him a heated kiss. "What do you say we blow this joint and go home?"
Xander laughed. "You don't have to ask me twice."
~~~~one year later
"Sam! Get a move on would ya? We were supposed to be there like 15 minutes ago." Xander yelled through the apartment. "Sam! Ya coming or what?"
Sam stepped into the living room smirking. He asked, "Do I have to?"
"Yes. It'll be fun." Xander laughs. "Where's your costume?"
Sam scoffs, "You know how I feel about Halloween."
Xander raises his shot glass and says, "So here's to Sam and his awesome LSAT victory."
"All right, all right. It's not that big a deal." Sam laughs putting his glass down after taking a shot.
"He acts all humble, but he scored 174." Xander praises.
"Mmm." Connor says and swallows his drink, putting it down. "Is that good?"
"Scary good." Xander answers nodding his head.
"See there ya go Sam," Connor says, "You are first-round draft pick. You can go to any law school you want."
"Actually, I got an interview here...Monday." Sam smiles. "If it goes ok I think I got a shot at a full ride next year."
"Hey it's gonna go great." Xander replies.
"It better." Sam stated smirking at Xander.
"So," Connor cuts in asking, "How does it feel to be the golden boy in your family?"
"Uh, they don't know." He says looking down.
"Don't know?" Connor asks, "Why not? I'd be gloating."
Sam laughs, "Cause we're not exactly the Brady's."
"Oh well." Connor says and moves away. "More shots?"
"No Connor, no." Sam laughed and pulled him back.
"No." Xander adds in and turns to Sam. "I'm proud of you. You're gonna knock 'em dead on Monday and you're gonna get that full ride, I know it."
"What would I do without you Xan?" Sam asks smiling, leaning closer.
"Crash and burn." Xander answers, closing the gap between them and giving Sam a kiss.
Xander wakes to raised voices, he makes his way to the living room and flips the light on.
"Sam?" Xander asked, rubbing his eyes.
"Xan, hey. Dean, this is my boyfriend Xander." Sam says introducing them.
"Wait, your brother Dean?" Xander asked confused, looking between the two.
"Boyfriend Sammy?" Dean scoffs. "When did this happen?"
"Over two years ago Dean." Sam sighs. "What do you want?"
Dean turned to Xander and said. "I gotta borrow your boyfriend here, talk about some private family business, but, uh, nice meeting you."
"No." Sam says and makes his way over to Xander wrapping his arm around him. "What ever you have to say you can it in front of him."
"K...Um...dad hasn't been home in a few days." Dean says scratching his head.
"What? He'll be home sooner or later."
Dean sighs and stares hard at Sam. "Dad's on a hunting
trip and he hasn't been home in a few days."
"Xan," Sam turns to him. "Excuse us. We have to talk outside."
Xander walked into the bedroom to see Sam packing a bag.
"Wait, you're taking off?" Xander asked, "Is your dad alright?"
"Yeah, you know just a little family drama. We're just going to pick him up."
"What about your interview?" Xander asked worriedly.
"I'll make the interview." Sam said grabbing his bag off the bed. "This is only for a couple of days."
When he reached the door Xander called out. "Sam, please just stop for a second. You sure you're ok?"
"I'm fine, every things going to be ok." Sam says and kisses him. "Bye."
"Hey Connor." Xander says into his phone. "No. I'm alright. Just bored. Sam left for the weekend.... yeah, yeah that would be great. See ya in a bit."
Xander hung up the phone and lay there waiting for Connor to arrive. He opened the door when Connor knocked and let him in.
They stayed in all weekend, vegging out and watching movies.
On Sunday night Xander woke to a sound in his room. He opened his eyes and rolled over. Seeing a dark figure standing at the end of his bed.
"Sam?" He asked sleepily, reaching for the lamp and turning it on. "Who the hell are you?" He asked when he turned back to see it wasn't Sam.
He felt a tug in his stomach, then he was flying toward the wall, pinned to it. The figure approached him and he tapped into his telekinesis, flying him across the room.
"Connor!" He yelled.
Connor came running into the room as the figure started to get up.
"What?" Connor asked breathlessly.
"Demon." Xander stated and made his way over to Connor.
Connor turned and attacked the demon in a flurry of kicks and punches then went flying across the room.
Xander hit the demon with another telekinetic blast, slamming him into a wall. He ran over to Connor and helped him up.
"We have to leave. Now!" Xander said dragging him out the door.
Once inside Connors dorm room they collapsed onto the couch.
"what was that thing?" Connor asked.
"I don't know." Xander answered.
They sat there listening to the radio the whole night. Sometime after midnight a song was interrupted by the host stating that there was a fire at an on campus apartment.
Xander looked at Connor. "Sam....
As Sam walked up the steps he heard Dean call out to him.
"We made a good team back there Sammy." Dean said.
"Yeah, we did." Sam answered and walked into his apartment.
"Xan?" He called out, walking into the bedroom. Hearing the shower running, he lay on the bed and closed his eyes. He lay there thinking about the hunt he and Dean just went on when he felt something dripping on his forehead.
He opened his eyes to see Xander pinned to the ceiling with just sweat pants on. His face frozen in horror. And a big gash across his stomach.
"Xan!" Hey yelled as fire flared from behind Xander. "NO!"
Just then Dean barged into the room and pulled him off the bed and out of the apartment.
"No! Xan!" He struggled against Dean watching as Xander was consumed by the flames.
The authorities were there putting out the fire when Sam walked to the trunk of the impala. He dropped his gun into it and looked over at his brother.
"We have work to do." He said, shutting the trunk.
Connor and Xander ran all the way back to his apartment, finally reaching there as the authorities were leaving.
He walked up to a police officer and asked, "What happened?"
"Faulty electrical line, one male casualty." The officer answered, walking away.
"No, Sam..." Xander whispered as Connor caught him before he fell.
He reached out with his telepathy, searching for Sam, stretching himself to his limits. NO!
He screamed in his head. Sam was gone, he couldn't feel him anymore.
~~~~one year later
Xander sat on the couch in the apartment he shared with Connor and Jess. They had just got to bed after a long night of talking and drinking. It had been a year to the day since he lost Sam. Why do I lose everyone I love? God!
He stood up and made his way to his bedroom, grabbing his journal.Missing me
Missing the person I once was
To walk in the sunshine
Without the fear of being burned
Spike's gone. Sam's gone. God Sam, it's been a year and I still have nightmares of that fire, of you calling for help. I wish I could've saved you. I wish I told you about my life and all the things that haunt the night. I'm sorry. I failed you.
He stares out his window, a lone tear falling down his face and continues to write:I remember days like these
when it used to rain all the time
when the thunder in my heart
used to rumble so loud
that I thought it break
When the lightning in my soul
used to flash so bright
threatening to tear it apart
days that were dark and gloomy
feeling so cold
thinking that the sun would never touch me again
never again to hear my heart beat
with warmth spreading through my body
to feel the soft breezes
run through my soul
never again to see the sun
He sets his journal down and stares at the picture of him and Sam on the 2 year anniversary, twisting the eternity ring on his finger. I miss you.
Sam jerked awake in the impala after dreaming of Xander burning on the ceiling, blaming him for not saving him.
"What were you dreaming about?" Dean asked him.
"Lollipops and candy canes." Sam answered twisting the ring Xander had given him on their first anniversary. I'm sorry Xan, I miss you.