a/n: Chapter contains line from SPN ep "What is and what should never be" and "All hell breaks loose 1 and 2"
~~~~a few months later
Xander had woken up to nightmares of the fire once again. Sam screaming for him to save him. He lay there rubbing the sleep from his eyes, trying to calm his racing heart. He got up, getting ready for his classes.
"Hey Xan." Jess said when he walked out of his room. "You doing ok?"
"Yeah, just a little tired. Thanks." Xander answered.
"Hey bro, you up for patrol tonight with Jess and I?" Connor asked entering the living room.
"Yeah, I so feel like killing something tonight."
"Hey guys, I'm just going to meditate for a while. Then we'll head out for patrol." Xander said walking into his room.
He sat in the the center of his bed and cleared his mind, dropping his shields slowly. He felt Connor and Jess in the other room. He could feel their fierce love for him and their worry. He dropped his shields more and let his mind encompass the campus. He got increasingly stronger the night Sam died, getting even stronger throughout the year. He dropped his shields completely, letting his mind envelope all of Palo Alto. He opened his eyes and focused on a clay vase he used just for this. He levitated it a couple of feet in front of him and concentrated. It shattered. He quickly grabbed onto the shards with his telekinesis, keeping them in place for a minute, then threw the shards in the trash. He put his shields back up. Looking around his room he saw a picture of Sam and him. I miss you.
He made is way into the living room.
"Ready to go guys?" He asked smiling.
"It's an old wives tale." Sam said hold a knife. "If you're about to die in a dream you wake up."
"Put the knife down honey." Mary said softly walking to stand in front of Sam.
"You're not real, none of it is." Sam stated.
"It doesn't matter, it's still better than anything you ever had." Mary said moving away.
"Why is it our job to save everyone?" Dean asked him sadly. "Haven't we done enough. I'm begging you give me the knife."
Xander walked up to him and put his hand on his face, thumb tracing over Sam's lips. "I love you Sam. Stay here, you'll get to see Dean have a family, your mom, and you'll have me again."
Sam sobbed, "I'm sorry. I love you Xan." And stabbed the knife into his stomach.
"Sam! Sam?" Dean yelled holding onto his brother face. Sam was hanging from a rope in an abandoned warehouse.
"Auntie Em? There's no place like home..." Sam trailed off weakly.
They were sitting, facing each other back at the motel.
"How 'bout you? You alright?" Dean asked.
"Yeah, I'm alright." Sam paused. "I wished mom never died. You should've seen it, man... I had Xan, mom was going to have grandkids, we were happy."
"Yeah, but Sam, it wasn't real." Dean stated sadly.
Sam got up and moved over to the wall, sighing. "I know but I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay so bad. I mean ever since Xan... all I... all I can think about is how much this job cost us. We've lost so much. And we've sacrificed so much. I just... I miss him."
"I'm glad you got yourself out Sammy."
"Get me a cheeseburger, extra onions." Dean stated, handing Sam some money. "Don't forget my extra onions."
"Dude, I'm the one who's going to have to ride in the car with your extra onions." Sam said as he got out of the car.
"Hey, see if they got some pie." Dean said as Sam looked back at him. "Bring me some pie. Love me some pie."
Sam rolled his eyes and shut the door. He walked into the diner and placed his order. What's that smell?
He thought as everything went dark.
"Connor!" Jess yelled. "Where's Xander?"
"What, what do you mean?" Connor asked looking around. "He was just here."
They searched for Xander but couldn't find him.
Xander was warm. He couldn't remember the last time he felt Sam's warm body wrapped around his. Wait! Sam?
Xander opened his eyes and saw Sam's head resting on his chest. Xander sighed. Must be a dream.
Sam moaned in his sleep and moved. What the hell, mine as well enjoy it while it last.
he thought, running his fingers through Sam's hair.
"What?" Sam grumbled, opening his eyes and looking at Xander. It took him a moment to recognize what he was seeing before he jerked away and stood up. "What? What's going on? You're dead." He finished quietly.
"What?!" Xander yelled looking around confused. "This is all some weird bizarro dream. Any minute now I'm going to wake up. Any minute." He pinched himself. "Ow!" So it's not a dream, then that means....
He reached out to grab Sam's arm but he flinched away.
"Sam, it's me." He said quietly. "I don't know how you're back, but it's really me."
Sam just stared at him like he was nuts. "How I'm back?" His voice breaking when he spoke again. "You're the one who d..."
"What?" Xander screeched. "I never died. I went back to the apartment when I heard there was a fire. By the time I got there the fire was out and there were only a few cops left. I searched for you everywhere, but you were..."
"The Demon!" Sam hissed.
They sat where they had woken up and each explained what their life had been like for the past two years.
"Aw Sam." Xander said hugging him. "I don't blame you. There's nothing to blame you for. I'm here. We're here. But I don't understand how you saw me die that night." Xander was silent for a while. "Maybe it was an illusion, a glamour."
"I'm going to kill that son of a bitch Demon!" Sam hissed and pulled Xander in for a fiery kiss. "I miss you so much."
"I missed you too love." Xander said as he looked around confused. "How did we get here?"
Sam shrugged and looked around. They were in some run down frontier town. They walked around for a while till they heard a noise. Sam put his finger to his lips and grabbed a broken piece of wood making his way forward.
"Andy!?" He asked surprised, dropping the wood.
Soon after that they met Ava, Jake and Lily.
"Let me guess." Sam said. "You're all 23?" When everyone nodded he went on. "And we all have abilities, started over a year ago. Started with headaches, then you found out you could do something. I have visions."
"So do I." Ava spoke up.
Andy went on about his simon said power and something about gay porn before he shut up.
"I have telepathic and telekinetic abilities." Xander stated.
Sam looked over at him confused when Lily cut in saying she had the Death touch.
"When did you get you're abilities?" Sam asked.
"It happened a couple of months before I met you." Xander answered.
Sam moved over and pulled Xander into his arms. "I'm never going to let you go again." Sam stated as they fell asleep.
"Xander! Sam! Get up, Ava's missing." Jake said, shaking them.
The three of them separated to look for Ava. They continued searching until they heard a scream from the house. Xander and Sam got back, seeing Andy dead and Ava crying. Sam figured out what Ava was doing. When she tried to kill them Jake came in and snapped her neck.
They were walking out of the house when Jake told them the Demon only wanted one of them. Sam tried to convince him that they could all leave and hunt the Demon. He just shook his head and hit Xander. Sending him through the air and knocking him out. Sam and Jake fought, Sam knocking him out and making his way over to Xander.
"Sam!" He heard Dean's voice. "Sam!"
"Dean." Sam called out when he reached Xander, smiling at his brother.
"Sam, look out!" Dean yelled as Jake picked up the knife, stabbing Sam in the back. "NOOO!"
Dean ran to Sam, catching him as he fell.
"Hey, it's not even that bad. Sammy? Sam!" Dean yelled holding onto Sam. "Hey, listen to me. I'm going to patch you up, ok? You'll be good as new. I'm going to take care of you. I got you. That's my job right? Watch out for my pain in the ass little brother. Sam? Sam!" He sobbed. "Sammy! No...Sam!"
He held onto his brother like his life depended on it. Looking over Sam's shoulder at the figure on the ground. No, it couldn't be
He gently set Sam on the ground and made his way over to the prone form, feeling for a pulse. He's alive. Oh god, Xander.
"Xan! Xander, wake up!" Dean said, shaking him gently.
Xander opened his eyes and looked around confused. "Dean?"
"Yeah, it's me. Are you alright?"
"Yeah... Sam!" Xander yelled struggling to sit up.
Dean held him down. "Hey, calm down Xan, you're hurt." Dean sobbed. "Sam... he's... dead."
"No!" Xander whispered. "I just got him back. Sam!"
Dean held him as he cried for all the things that could've been.
Dean and Xander were sitting at the table in silence, Bobby had just left a few minutes ago.
Dean got up and went over to Sam's body, taking a seat. Xander started to cry when he heard what Dean was saying to Sam.
Xander's head snapped up from his light dozing when he heard Dean yell. "What am I supposed to do!?"
"Dean, what's wrong?" Xander asked worriedly.
"It's nothing Xan." Dean sighed. "Why don't you get some rest. I'll be back."
Xander almost screamed when Sam's dead body gasped and sat straight up.
"S-s-sam..." Xander whispered.
"Ugh... xan... what happened?" Sam asked, his face a mask of pain.
"You were stabbed..." Xander started to sob and pulled Sam into a hug. Sam held him until Dean arrived.
"Sammy?" Dean rushed to his brother, giving him a hug.
"Dean?" Xander questioned. He just shook his head. Later.
"Put the gun down." Xander told Jake.
"Or what? You're going to shoot me?" Jake asked.
"It's a thought!" Sam snarled.
"You couldn't do it before, what make you think you can do it now?" Jake asked laughing.
"What are you laughing at you little bitch?" Dean cut in.
"Hey lady." Jake said facing Ellen. "Why don't you put that gun to your head." As she raised the gun, Jake continued, "Now slowly put your guns down."
As they did Jake made his way over to the gate and unlocked it. Xander picked up his gun and shot Jake three times as Bobby and Dean rescued Ellen. He walked around Jake and faced him.
"Plea... please..." Jake tried to say through the blood.
"You almost destroyed my life." Xander said and shot him three more times.
"How long do you have?" Sam asked Dean.
"One year. I got one year." Dean answered sadly.
"I'm going to get you out of this. I'm going to save your ass for a change."
"We both will." Xander added, still holding onto Sam.
~~~~one year later
They had just faced off with the crossroads demon. Xander was dead. He saved them at the very last moment. Oh god, Xan...*flashback*
"Xan! Xander!" Sam yelled catching Xander as he fell. "Are you ok?"
"Did I get her? Did I save you?" Xander asked weakly.
"Yeah, you did, you saved us." Sam sobbed. "We have to get you to a hospital!"
"No Sam... I'm... dying..." Xander stared up at Sam and tried to smile. "I love... you... I always..."
"No, shh, save your strength..."
"Promise me... promise... that you'll let me go... promise me... you... won't blame yourself."
"I promise." Sam broke down. "I promise. Xan please..."
"Dean... take care... of him... or... come back and haunt your ass." Xander threatened choking on blood.
"I will Xan, I will." Dean said as tears rolled down his face.
"I love y..." Xander said with his last breath.
"I'm done with this life Dean." Sam stated looking over at his brother. "It's over. Xander's gone. I'm done."
a/n: Please don't kill me, there's one more chapter. It'll get better. Reviews are like drugs (although I don't do drugs) they're great. Hope you guys enjoyed the chap.