Sacred and ProfaneAuthor:
Moving In TogetherDisclaimer:
Not mine.Written For: Small Fandom Fest
challenge on LJ.Spoilers:
Entire movie (in a general way)Notes/Warnings:
Thanks to my two wonderous betas: Deannawol
and The Swearing Kind
, without whom this entire story would possibly suck and make no sense, whatsoever. THANK YOU!NOTE:
I have never written ANYTHING somewhat graphic before this, so um...be warned? Summary:
What used to be profane becomes sacred.
"I'll go with you, if you want." Christian ran a hand down Aaron's back, trying to reassure his younger lover. "You don't have to go alone." Christian settled against the headboard and gently pulled Aaron back towards him, settling the blonde in between his spread legs.
Aaron shook his head, blushing lightly. "It'd be better if I went by myself." He luxuriated at being touched, shuddering slightly as Christian's hand continued to trail up and down his back. Smiling slightly, he pushed against the hand, trying to draw Christian into an afternoon of lovemaking.
"You sure?" Christian didn't like the idea of Aaron going to church again, least of all without him by his side. He was tempted to let the conversation fall away, to lean forward and suck gently on Aaron's neck, to feel the tremors and hear the small gasps that were the only sounds Aaron made during sex. But the conversation was too important to be derailed by the thought of an afternoon quickie.
"I need to do it by myself." Aaron explained before twisting in his lover's arms, turning to look Christian in the eyes. "It'll be okay." Aaron's voice was husky, his lips chapped and slightly imperfect—he leaned forward and lightly pressed his mouth against Christian's.
Christian opened his mouth to gasp; he tilted his head to bite at the proffered lips, but instead was pleasantly surprised when he felt a swift swipe of Aaron's tongue. Absolute sin—pleasant, liquid hot, smoky and a touch of pure steel—Christian craved these kisses as he used to crave anonymous touches and quick fucks. They managed to turn everything upside down. Aaron changed from quick kisses to quick licks to coax a response from Christian
Christian lifted his head, tearing away from the kiss. "You can't distract me with sex," he whispered into Aaron's ear. "You moved in here, you made me your partner, and as your partner I want to support you."
Aaron turned around until his back was to his lover. He couldn't stand to see Christian's face during this discussion. It was hard, trying to explain how God and Christian didn't meld together in Aaron's mind. For so long God had been an absolute, something that Aaron couldn't deny, and as much as he loved Christian, he couldn't turn his back on the love he had known before.
"You can't be there, Christian. I have to do this on my own." Aaron waited for a response, anything to signal how Christian had taken his proclamation. He didn't hear anything. Instead, he felt lips casually touching the back of his neck. He felt Christian lean forward, placing his hand on Aaron's thigh. No sooner was it placed than the fingers began to move, gliding, teasing closer and closer — pulling feelings from somewhere within him and draining them away at the same time.
The hand moved again until it pressed down heavily against his fabric-covered cock, rubbing. At that moment, the mouth on his neck began to intimately kiss and fondle the skin it had access to. Aaron gasped, loudly, bucking his hips. He wished he wasn't still wearing underwear and that Christian's hand was touching bare skin instead of the white fabric reminiscent of his days spent in the Mormon Church. And if that thought wasn't sacrilegious—defiling the underwear that had set him apart, made him an other—nothing was.
It was on that thought that Aaron came, gasping loudly and shuddering, hips surging upwards and cum clinging to his thighs. It hadn't taken much—first time notwithstanding, it never did, every touch was so new and erotic; everything Aaron had once been was defiled with each touch, each kiss, and that was why Aaron wanted to face the Church on his own. He wanted to go and be welcomed for who he was now, be welcomed for living with Christian instead of living with the tainted memories of his past. He wasn't Mormon anymore, but that didn't mean he was alone. It didn't mean that God wasn't part of him, part of his relationship with Christian. But he wasn't sure how to make Christian understand that—Christian who was strong, and secure in himself, secure in his identity and what that meant to him.
Aaron was still shuddering and coming in his pants and trying to understand how something that felt so right could be so wrong, in the eyes of what Aaron used to hold dear to his heart. He had been raised to believe in certainty, and precision: duty, dedication; he had been raised to believe in God, raised to believe that God loved all his children—he could believe that God still loved him despite who he was involved with. He did believe that God still loved him despite who he was involved with, but part of him was still so seeped in certainty, and precision; still so seeped in duty and dedication, that it was hard to let the past go. Those were the demons he had to fight on his own.
"Wonderful." Christian whispered. "So sexy, so hot, knowing I can make you orgasm with just my hand." Aaron moaned at the words. He twisted slightly so he could grab Christian's head and kiss him, parted lips and flashes of white teeth, nibbling.
"I'm still going by myself." Aaron bit Christian's ear lightly, before placing small kisses over Christian's cheek, moving down toward his mouth. He luxuriated in the feel of warm lips against his own and with a kiss possessed the mouth that had just given him tender pleasure. He longed to trail a hand down Christian's chest, to delicately cup his cock, to bend down and lick a trail down to meet his hand, but he didn't. Instead, he closed his eyes and deepened the kiss, pouring all his affection, all his comfort, into the red lips before him.
Pulling back a little, he turned and leaned back against Christian once more. Aaron loved cuddling, warming his body against Christian's hard muscles. He loved being held. He thought vaguely of returning the pleasure Christian had given him, but the thought was driven from his mind by a simple question.
"Why?" Christian's voice was soft, soothing. There was nothing demanding in the tone; instead, Aaron felt comforted. Christian loved him enough to go to church with him—it boggled the mind.
"I'm not sure I can explain it," Aaron whispered. "You are my future, and the Church is my past." He felt, rather than saw, Christian nod. "I want both. You and God. I got you on my own, I need to face God on my own, too."
He heard a sigh. "But you aren't alone," Christian explained. "When you moved in here, you promised to share your life with me and I promised to share my life with you."
Aaron laughed at this. "We're not sharing our individual lives, we're living one life, together."
"Exactly!" Christian practically yelled. "And I want to share your faith. I want to believe in something bigger—you get so much from it, I think I could use that, too."
"Alright." Aaron nodded. "If it means that much to you." Maybe it would be better this way, with Christian by his side. Christian was strong, and maybe Aaron could borrow some of his strength. "Alright," he whispered once more, burrowing back into Christian's hard body.
Christian pressed forward, kissing Aaron's neck lightly. "Thank you," he sighed. "Thank you for letting me in." Then, with a final kiss to Aaron's neck, Christian closed his eyes and fell into a light doze.