Series: Boy Meets Girl
Disclaimer: I own neither the Buffy fandom, nor the Batman fandom, let alone Xander or Batgirl.
Only in Sunnydale.
Only on the Hellmouth.
Only to Xander.
“The gods hate
me, I know it. Aphrodite obviously has it in for me, and Cupid’s arrows have been dipped in poison, I’ll bet you a Twinkie. Sucker bet, huh? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
“So it all starts as a normal day on the Hellmouth. Ya know, violence, death, destruction, blood, gore, and Slaying? Like that. Anyway, there was this new vamp in town that could hypnotize people, like Dracula, only without the eating of bugs. So, Buffy goes after it, Wills and I trailing behind with the popcorn and peanuts. The fight has barely begun when this chick appeared out of nowhere, dressed in black Kevlar and spandex, with this bat emblem on her rather, ahem, ample chest.
“The bat-chick proceeds to totally kick that vamp’s butt with more style than Cordelia’s most expensive pair of shoes. Beside the butt-kickage, she doesn’t make a single sound, which, if I wasn’t so busy watching the bat symbol bouncing around on her chest, would probably bother me, ‘cause, hey! You gotta have quips and taunts with the slaying! The vamp doesn’t last a minute against all the cool gadgets the bat-chick was using, and quickly adds to the dusty look in the graveyard.
“Buff steps up to ask Goth-girl what the frilly heck was going on. Bat-chick just turns to look at her, cocks her head and looks at Buffy. Her eyes travel over Wills and I, and stop on my face. I grin goofily and wiggle my fingers in her direction, then decide to smoothly approach and even smoother ask her name. It couldn’t hurt, yeah?
““So, I’m Xander,” I said, the very epitome of suaveness. “I like meeting hot girls in graveyards. Do you hang out here much?”
“It wasn’t until I registered the incredulous stares from all three girls that I mentally reviewed what I’d just said, and then winced. Ok, so, not my best first impression. I immediately tried to fix it, and, of course, stuck my foot in my mouth.
““I mean, ah, are you new around town? We don’t see many people hangin’ around the old cemetery, ah, except us, but we’re kinda weird that way…not to say that you being here makes you weird, except that it kinda does…Ok, I’ll shut up now.”
““Good idea,” Buffy told me, grinning slightly. I gulped in a deep, nervous breath. Gods, I was such a klutz.
“The bat-chick was staring at me like I was nuts, and I swallowed heavily. The outfit she was wearing was kinda creepy, and she had this whole creature-of-the-night vibe going for her. I was starting to remember my track record with women, and obviously Buffy was too.
““Ok, first, who are you, and, second, where did you get that outfit? It’s pretty hip, although I dunno about the bat thing you have going. Bats…yech. Not of the good.”
“Bat-chick turned to glare at Buffy, then turned back to me. “Am not weird,” she rasped in broken English. “Thanks for you say ‘hot’. Want date?”
“My jaw dropped, and by the time my brain had kicked in, so had Buffy. Knowing as we do that only demons and Cordelia expressed romantic interest in me, the Slayer launched herself at Bat-chick with every intention of slaying her. Unfortunately for Buffy, and even more for me, Bat-girl leaps lightly out of the way, leaving Buffy’s fist to continue right into my face. At this point, everything goes black.
“When I wake up, I find a bag of ice on my face and a piece of paper with a phone number on it clutched tightly in my hand. Bat-chick had evidently been nice enough to leave it for me while avoiding Buffy’s kicks and punches. I stare at it with my single useable eye for a long minute, seeing again the tight black outfit. Regretfully, I shake my head as I throw the paper away. Demon-bat-girl probably just wants me for food anyway. Too bad she isn’t human.”
“Barbara! Are you the one who’s been coaching Cassandra in getting a boyfriend?”
“Yeah, I have. What about it?”
“She gave the mansion phone number to a boy!”
? That’s great! What’s wrong with that?”
“She gave it to a boy in Sunnydale, on the west coast, while she was in uniform
. She and Batman went over there to get Joker and Harley back into Arkham.”
“Oh. Crap. Well…Was the boy cute?”
AN: Well, I hope you all liked. R and R!