Summary: Fred accidentally plays rescuer, and she's better at it than you think.
Disclaimer: Not mine. The BtVS stuff is Whedon's. The HP characters belong to JK Rowling.
notes: Because I noticed there was no Fred fic.
He was going to die.
He'd accepted that sad fact long ago. Wasn't a shock really. Spying against Voldemort might not have been the best plan he'd ever had. He was currently tied to a chair during one of the brief periods of reprieve from the torture. That crutacious curse business sucked balls. If he never had to have that particular curse hurled his way again, it wouldn't bother him one bit.
His lips were dripping blood down the front of his robes. The bottom one was split wide open. Just as there was a cut from someone's family crest ring about his right eye while the left one was fastly swelling shut. He wasn't sure, but his nose might have been broken. It was producing vast amounts of blood as well. They'd broken all the fingers on his wand hand. He was sure a few ribs were cracked or bruised, possibly broken too.
Pain was making him fade in and out. He could hear shouting and crashes on the floor above. What in the hell? Why couldn't they just come and kill him already?
Then a body dropped to the floor next to him from the very tiny vent in the ceiling. It stood and shook itself out while peering around cautiously. The body happened to be a her. She was thin as a rail with long brown hair separated into two plats. She wore a pink baby doll cut t shirt with 'angel' scrawled across the chest in silver and muggle hip hugger jeans with ratty pair of combat boots. There was some sort of utility belt hanging as low as the jeans were on her thin hips. She would have looked about thirteen but for being so damn tall.
"Hiya. I'm Winifred Burkle. I'm here to rescue you."
Draco Malfoy blinked his good eye.
"But you can call me Fred."
He blinked again.
"They didn't cut out your tongue, did they?"
She dropped to a crouch and produced a knife from her boot. Fred started sawing and the ropes that bound his hands together. Draco hissed when she bumped his broken fingers.
She then undid his ankles where they too had been bound to the chair. He was about to rise when the door busted open. The slender girl knelt before him whipped her arm around her body with a mini crossbow clutched in her hand. She let the bolt fly. It hit Bellatrix Lestrange in the shoulder. She howled in pain and stumbled back a few steps.
Two great chunks of stone fell to the floor. Draco and Fred looked up to the vent she had come out of. There was a head sticking out of it. One that had spiky brown hair.
"I found him. I've got him, Angel. He's hurt real bad, but alive."
"Let's go." Angel held a hand down. He couldn't get much more than that out of the hole.
"Him first, and be careful."
About that time, Lestrange was tossing a hex their way. "CRUCIO!"
Draco grabbed a handful of pink t shirt and tossed Fred away. The curse hit him hard, and he screamed in pain as he crumpled to the floor. Draco watched in pained horror as the little Fred girl screamed in pure rage and tackled Bellatrix to the floor. The woman was so stunned by the attack she actually lost her wand in the scuffle. It rolled across the floor. Draco managed to clamp a hand over it somehow.
He sagged a bit as the hold of the curse on him was released. Draco heard someone muttering a countercurse above him.
It was almost being drowned out by Fred's screaming. Bellatrix had managed to get to her feet... with Fred latched onto her back tearing at her hair. Lestrange was spinning this way and that trying to dislodge Fred - but to no avail. Draco was going to hex Lestrange, but he didn't want to hit Fred. He watched in awe as the frail-looking girl stuck her finger in the hole she had put in Lestrange's shoulder with the crossbow bolt earlier... and twisted. Bellatrix howled in pain. Fred whipped a skinny arm up around the woman's throat in a choke hold. She yanked her finger in the wound again. Her brown eyes were full of rage, and her teeth were gritted. Bellatrix started clawing at the arm. Fred took her bloodied finger out of the wound had pressed it to the base of the other woman's skull.
In short order she rode Bellatrix Lestrange to the floor. The Death Eater was out. Fred jumped back and too her feet. She nudged Lestrange in the hip with her boot. Just then a whole gaggle of Aurors poured through the door.
Draco laughed heartily at their stricken expressions. "You're too late. The little muggle girl took care of the big bad Death Eater for you."
Draco cackled again and looked up at Severus Snape, who had counter cursed him and was trying to stop some of the blood flow from his head. Fred crouched down next to him.
"You all right?"
"I've never been better."
"Geez, I'd sure hate to see you on a bad day then."
Draco laughed again, spitting up some blood.
"We need to get him out of here! Don't just stand there like lumps! Get the medical-like folks in here! Now!"
Draco blinked. For such a tiny thing, she sure had a set of lungs in her. "Say, would you care to have dinner with me? When I look less ravaged, naturally."
Fred looked at him sharply. "I don't even know your name."
"Draco Malfoy. Draco."
"Winifred Burkle. Fred."
"You mentioned that. What a lovely accent you have."
Fred giggled. "I was just thinkin' the same about yours."
"Where are you from?"
"California lately. Texas originally. I would ask you where you're from too, but I'm thinkin' with the Brit-speak and all and us being in England and all, this is it."
"Fascinating. And why were you the one rescuing me?"
"I was the only one who fit in and out of the vent holes."
"Indeed." He winced in pain as he took a deep breath.
"Where in the heck are the ambulance-y people, darnit?!"
"Fred?! Fred!" A tall black guy forced himself through the crowd.
"I'm all right, Charles. Could you see what's keeping the medics? Draco's all hurt and stuff."
"Don't I get introduced? Where's the love?"
Fred rolled her eyes. "Charles Gunn, Draco Malfoy. Everybody but me calls him Gunn."
Gunn did a curt little bow. "And tall, dark, and scary is..." He gestured to Snape.
"Oh I don't know I didn't meet him yet."
Fred and Gunn exchanged a look. Draco knew what they were thinking. Snape's name suited him. Which it did.
"Nice to meet you, man."
Snape just nodded with a sort of snap to his head and managed to look like he'd just eaten a lemon... rind and all.
"Now see what's keeping the healers please, Charles."
He was about to leave when Bellatrix Lestrange decided she wasn't quite finished yet. She sprung off the floor with an enraged screech. Fred whipped out a small gun from her utility belt and shot Lestrange in the chest with a dart. The little red feather on its end was situated obscenely in the center of her black robes.
"Lights out, bitch." Gunn popped her in the jaw.
Bellatrix went down a second time.
"I'd already tranq'd her. What was with the punching?"
"Well, I felt like hittin' her old wicked witch of the west lookin' ass."
Draco started laughing.
Gunn looked like he might argue, but he left.
"So..." Draco said passed his unbroken hand over one of Fred's. "How about dinner?"
Snape rolled his eyes.
"What?" Draco snapped as the mediwitches fought through the crush to lift him onto a stretcher.
"You, Malfoy, are in the sorriest state I have ever seen another person in, and yet you still manage to flirt shamelessly."
"Hey..." He snapped as the stretcher magically lifted him. "I feel shame."
Snape arched his brow.
"I feel shame that I have to wait until I'm better to take this lovely wisp out on my arm... assuming she says yes." He smirked at Fred. "I'm much better looking than this. What do you say, heroine?"
"Ohhhhh! Can we go for tacos?"
Draco had no clue what tacos were, but that sounded like a yes to him. He grabbed her with his good hand and forced her to sit on the edge of the stretcher as it took off. Fred squealed and grabbed onto his leg to keep from falling off as they floated past the crowd and down the hallway.
"Malfoy-" One of the mediwitches said when she noticed Fred.
"Sod off. She saved my life. She's coming with me. We are having tacos later. I'm wounded, I'm cranky, and I'm rich. Don't argue with me."
"Malfoy, are you making trouble?" Harry Potter asked as he cut through the crowd and picked up the pace of the floating stretcher.
"Bugger off, Scarhead."
Harry tossed a look at his buddy Ron. "Oh Malfoy's gonna be just fine." He looked back at Fred. "All right there, Fred?"
"Peachy fuzzy keen."
"I heard you found this one? Fought Bellatrix Lestrange?"
"I just popped out of the vent when I saw him all tied up. I figured that wasn't good, so I was all makin' with the untyin' when she was all screamin' banshee at me. I was left with no recourse but to shoot her. Twice. Once with the mini bow and once with the tranquilizer gun I keep for Angel in case he goes bad again. And then Charles punched her in the face. There was no call for that, but he needed to hit somethin'." She shook her head. "Boys."
Harry chuckled. She'd spoken very fast.
"And now we're gonna get Draco all patched up, so he can buy me tacos."
Harry raised an eyebrow at that.
"What?" Draco snapped. "She saved my life, and I happen to have taken and instant liking to her, Potter."
"I didn't save your life." Fred said quietly. "All I did was pop out the vent hole."
"I'm sorry then." Draco snapped. "Who was the other girl shooting people and sticking their fingers in wounds and choking evil bitches, who I might add had tortured me most heinously, until said evil bitches passed out... because I'd really like to have dinner with that woman. She was bloody brilliant earlier."
"Well..." Fred said. "That was me, but-"
"Discussion ended then, Twiggy. Dinner. I won't accept no for an answer."
Fred glared, but it soon melted into a smile. "All right."
Harry shook his head. Malfoy and his odd nicknames for people. Harry stopped walking as he watched the stretcher cart Malfoy and Fred off as Ron stepped up behind him.
"Seconded. I mean, can he just attract anybody? What is it about him? One smirk and they all fall at his feet."
Ron rolled his eyes. "We could ask Gin. She dated the git in school remember?"
"Don't remind me. I'm trying to repress with that, Ron."
Hermione joined them then. "Where's Fred? Angel's a bit mad for trying to locate her. Crazy worried vampire is not what we need just now."
"Tell him not to worry. She's with Malfoy." Harry made a face. "And did I really just say that?"