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Vampire 101

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Summary: The body of a Naval Lieutenant is found with puncture wounds in her throat ...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
NCIS > Spike-CenteredDamiaFR711,3324316,02030 Jul 0730 Jul 07Yes
In Response to Challenge 2814 - Coroners Convention

Disclaimer - I do not own Buffy and I don't own NCIS


Ducky frowned at the body of the young Lieutenant in front of him. The pretty blonde girl had two vicious looking punctures in her neck, placed just so over one of the major arteries. He sighed lightly.

"Time of Death?" Gibbs barked to his medical examiner.

"Approximately 2:20 am, 4 hours, poor girl," Ducky replied, he wasn't feeling as peppy as he usually did.

"Cause?" Gibbs demanded. Ducky sighed again, this time in exasperation.

"I would assume these punctures on her neck, but we wont know for sure until I get her back for an autopsy. I'll make it quick," Ducky stood and looked his old friend in the eyes.

"This reminds me of something I once learned at a convention we were required to attend back in my Cambridge days, I'll need to take her back now,"

"Ducky, is there something you want to tell me?" Gibbs demanded softly. His M.E. was acting a little off and the case was already getting on his nerves.

"There isn't anything to tell Jethro, I'll see you when you get back. Palmer, let's load the Lieutenant up now," The two worked silently, strapping the woman onto the gurney and loading it into the back of their vehicle. Palmer climbed into the drivers side and looked at his mentor silently as the older man took off his glasses and rubbed a tired hand across his eyes.

"What are we going to do?" The younger man asked softly.

"Our duty. Let's get going," Ducky put his glasses back on and sighed again, noting absently that he'd been sighing a lot in the past hour.


Jimmy Palmer and Dr. Mallard unloaded the dead woman and took her into the Morgue. The only one who noticed something off was Dr. Abby Sciuto, the forensics expert. She followed the two into the morgue.

"Hey ... Abby," Palmer said nervously. He hadn't expected the vivacious goth girl to join them.

"Abby, good to see you," Ducky and Palmer transformed the bagged body onto an examining table and Ducky unzipped the bag while Palmer took the gurney to the back to be cleaned off.

"Oh damn," Abby groaned, looking at the neck wounds.

"I take it you know what this means then?" Ducky asked dryly.

"Yeah. It means Gibbs is gonna be really pissed off," Abby groaned loudly. Palmer looked at her in surprise.

"Wait, you know what this means too?" He asked in surprise. Abby gave the young man a dark look.

"Do I look like an idiot? Either this body is going to be stabbed and turned to dust, or it's going to get up and walk away at some point in the next day or so," Abby complained.

"And Gibbs obviously doesn't know about the existence of Vampires or he wouldn't have asked me for cause of death," Ducky added.

"Man Ducky, this sucks," Abby complained.

"But how did you find out?" Palmer asked the tall young woman.

"I had sex with a vampire. He was really cool until he tried to kill me. Another vampire saved me. He had a soul. Him and this guy with an eye patch came in and just totally ripped up the party like you wouldn't believe. Trust me, no more romanticizing blood sucking creatures from beyond the grave for me," Abby told them, still a little irritated with the memory.

"This is the first one I've seen, if it is one," Palmer said nervously.

"She is," Ducky said, pulling the dead woman's lips apart and showing blood on her teeth. "It's the first thing I checked for. She is the 63rd VOV I've had to deal with in my career," Ducky said with a sniff.

"That's a lot of undead," Palmer commented in shock.

"How did you know about Vampires if this is the first you've seen?" Abby demanded of Jimmy. The boy swallowed nervously and glanced at his mentor, who nodded in ascent.

"They have a Mock Coroners Convention at the end of school for all the graduating medical examiners," He told her, rubbing an embarrassed hand through his hair.

"That's actually pretty cool," Abby admitted, looking between the two men.

"Yes well, this isn't," Ducky complained. Abby smiled sweetly at the doctor.

"The only way around it that I can see, is to tell Gibbs," She told him.

"Or just stake the body and deny any knowledge," Jimmy offered. The older man looked between the two.

"Neither of those are constructive," Ducky accused.

"I'm going to go find evidence to catalog, you get to think of a feasible explanation," Abby told Ducky. Palmer's mouth dropped open.

"Are you crazy? He'd commit us both!" The younger man cried.

"Very likely," Ducky agreed.

"Let me make a quick call," Abby groaned, grabbing her phone out of where it was tucked into the waistband of her short pleated black skirt and walking out the door. Ducky and Palmer removed the body from the bag and started the beginning stages of the autopsy, irrigating the wounds and cleaning the body.

"10 minutes tops and they'll be here," Abby told the two men.

"Who?" Ducky demanded.

"The answer to your prayers, though don't pray while they're in here. One of them doesn't like it," Abby commented. Over the next 8 minutes the Ducky badgered the black haired vixen for information on the people she had called and she refused to explain anything.

"They're here,"Abby smiled widely as a bleach blonde 20 something young man in a black trench coat and a dark haired man about the same age with an eye patch on came into the morgue.

"Abs, hows it hanging?" The man with the eye patch asked jovially.

"It's not because I don't have a penis," Abby told him with a smile.

"I love Abby-logic. So few people say what they think," The man said with a sad sort of smile.

"Hi Xander," She shuffled forward in her platform knee high boots and hugged the man.

"Everything treating you right love," The bleach blonde asked, running a finger over one of the stainless steel tables. Abby opened her arms wide.

"Of course," She said. He was suddenly swinging her around in an enthusiastic hug.

"Good to see you," He put her down and glanced over at his companion.

"You too Spike, thanks for coming guys," Abby said with a smile. Xander was examining the inside of the dead Captains mouth.

"Her teeth are sprouting, she'll be up soon," He announced.

"I'm Dr. Mallard. Everyone calls me Ducky," Ducky told the two.

"A fellow countryman, I knew Abby had good taste," Spike said with a lazy grin.

"Gibbs needs to get here," Abby said, wringing her hands.

"Gibbs is here," The man barked. He had walked in the door just as she had said the words.

"I hate it when you do that," Abby complained.

"What's going on, who are you?" Gibbs demanded, glaring at the two men, neither of whom seemed phased in the least.

"I'm Spike, this is Xander," Spike gave a nod to the man and Xander pulled a stake out of his coat.

"What's going on is an age old war. Trust me, you don't want the specifics, they're long and boring. Problem; your little captain here was a victim and is now the enemy," Xander smiled grimly as suddenly the woman sat up, her face completely distorted. He stabbed her through the heart and she exploded into dust. "Problem: solved,"

"Welcome to Vampire 101," Spike said with a grin. Gibbs looked irritated.

"Ducky, why the hell didn't you just say it was a vampire attack?" Gibbs demanded. Ducky Palmer and Abby all stared at him in shock.

"Already got clued in then?" Spike asked with amusement.

"Yeah. I crashed some Coroner Convention after basic with some friends after spending the night drinking. Turned out to be a lot more interesting than we thought it would,"

The End

You have reached the end of "Vampire 101". This story is complete.

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