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Summary: Preparing for camping can bring up some embarrassing secrets. And fears.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Comedy > Buffy-CenteredmopingqueenFR1518420187330 Jul 0730 Jul 07Yes
Summary: Preparing for camping can bring up some embarrassing secrets. And fears.
Rating: FR15
Disclaimer: I own nowt but the plot!

“You are about to face an impossible ev…”

“Buff, G-man already gave us the whole ‘vampires are everywhere – beware!’ talk.” Xander cut Buffy off. She was pacing up and down in front of a seated Xander and Willow, in a mimicry of an army general giving a rousing speech. Dawn and Faith were sat by the door of the training room, behind Buffy, so as not to attract too much undue attention. Buffy swivelled to face Xander, eyebrows raised and lips pursed. He visibly shrank back.

“I don’t mean vampires. This is an evil that we have NEVER faced.” She enunciated “It’s worse than anything that we have ever come across, worse than Adam, worse than the Master, worse than the First. We can’t fight them, they just keep coming. All we can do is take precautions against them.” Everyone was listening avidly by this point – even Faith looked a little worried, it was only Dawn who was having to restrain herself to not giggle.

“When you enter your tents at night, you must open the outer zip and sit inside whilst you shut the zip. You must then let yourself quickly into the inner – of course checking that there are no vampires or other nasties in it first. But do NOT turn on a single light until you are safely inside your tent and it is zipped up. They are attracted to the light and if you aren’t zipped in before you switch it on then they will come and they will Eat. You. Alive.” Xander and Willow were both wearing expressions of abject horror by this point. But Xander did look a little bemused.

“So, Buff, we can outwit these things – just by a simple zip?” he asked flummoxed by the possibility. She fixed him with a glare.

“Only whilst you are in the tent itself. During the day and evening you will have to take other, less failsafe, precautions to keep them away.” Dawn snorted loudly and that was it for her, she gave way to hysterics and not even Buffy’s glares and ‘ahem’ing could calm her.

“Dawn Anne Summers.” Buffy began venomously as she strode towards Dawn, who began to calm slightly, “This is not the time to be joking around. This could mean a matter of life or death” Dawn started a fresh bout of giggles at this and Buffy’s eyes flashed “I’m sorry Dawn, did you want me to reveal your biggest fear to everyone here?” That did it. Dawn’s laughs stopped abruptly with a strangled gasp. “Thank. You.” Buffy enunciated, pulling Dawn to her feet roughly and striding back towards a confused Willow and Xander.

“Of course, I’ll provide you with the precautionary items – a spray to repel them and bands to wear which should keep them away. We’ll also be taking a number of candles to ward them off.” Buffy started again as if she’d never really stopped. Willow frowned and screwed up her nose before thrusting her hand into the air.

“What are these thing? Are they really some kind of demon, coz I’ve never read of any demons that are repelled by these things and I’ve read nearly all of Giles’…Ooh! Unless they’re all infused with holy water!” Willow half babbled. Buffy shook her head.

“No they’re not infused with…”

“Oh for chris’sakes!” Dawn butted in as Buffy began again

“Dawn! Mouth!” Buffy snapped. Dawn rolled her eyes dramatically

“She’s afraid of midges.” Dawn burst out “It’s not any kind of demon at all. Just plain old midges.” Faith laughed mockingly,

“So, B? That’s the shit you were talking about? Insects??” she sneered.

“It’s a perfectly rational fear.” Buffy defended “They’re evil! I mean, come on – they suck your blood!”

“So do vampires. And you’re not exactly scared of them.” Xander cut in. Buffy scowled at him

“Right Mr I’m-scared-of-clowns! And don’t you even start Miss frog-fear!”

“Buffy, chill!” Dawn ordered “Come on, you were making midges out to be demons!” Buffy glowered and then her face filled with glee,

“Ooh!” she turned to face Willow and Xander in triumph “Dawn’s afraid of marshmallows!” She burst out, eyes lighting up.” Faith laughed

“So they can’t mock you ‘cause come on Clowns? Frogs? MARSHMALLOWS? They’re on the same scale. But seriously B? Midges? You fight demons and vamps for a living and your afraid of midges?” Faith scorned. Buffy puffed out her cheeks in irritation

“Riiight cause your not afraid of anything are you? F.” Buffy bit out sarcastically “So come on F! What’s your biggest fear?” Faith smirked

“Not getting any.” Faith told her mockingly.

Dawn burst out laughing.

“Dawn Summers. If you understood that then I swear to God. I WILL have Spike and Angel on ‘Dawn’s boyfriend’ vetting duties from now until the day you die. Not only that but you will have them as a permanent chaperones and they will give you a daily check to see that you haven’t had sex.” Buffy snapped eyes a-flashing.

Dawn stopped laughing. Fast.

The End

You have reached the end of "Phobias". This story is complete.

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