Snapshots from a Slayers Holiday.
And as we lie beneath the stars,
We realise how small we are.
If they could love like you and me,
Imagine what the world could be.
Track; If Everyone Cared.
Album; All the Right Reasons.
Colonel Finn and Major McCready watched from the edge of the forest as the last Chinook helicopter took off.
“That’s the last of the bodies Colonel.” Shouted McCready over the sound of the rotors.
“What’s the count?” Riley wanted to know as the helicopter flew off over the trees.
McCready took a notebook from a pocket and flipped over a few pages.
“Two hundred and twenty-six, if you include the ones we’ve shot.” He said and put the notebook away; “Most of them crawled off into forest to bleed to death. I’ve seen this sort of thing before, most people die after the battle.”
Finn raised an eyebrow and watched the Air Force Major out of the corner of his eye.
“So you’ve seen this sort of thing before?” Finn mused, “I take it you mean the battle.”
“Yes Sir.” Replied McCready eyeing the Ranger warily.
“Now Major, I wonder where battles like this take place in this day an’ age?”
“Couldn’t rightly say, Sir.” Replied McCready deadpan, “It’s a bit of a mystery if you ask me. Like teenage girls who can attack a crowd of two hundred plus homicidal maniacs with nothing but swords and live to tell the tale.”
“It’s a strange world we live in Major.” Confided Finn.
“I’m not going to argue with you Colonel.” Replied McCready, “General O’Neill says I’m to pull my people out and leave the final clean up to you.”
“Yeah that’s right,” Riley turned towards the Major and held out his hand, “Pleasure to have worked with you Major.”
“Likewise.” Said McCready as he shook Finn’s hand warmly; “Of course we’ll both deny that this ever happened.”
“Of course.” Smiled Finn.
Major McCready took a pace backwards, saluted and then ran off to collect his men. They waited on the edge of the forest until three Blackhawks appeared in the sky and swooped down to pick the Air Force men up. Finn turned away as the rotor wash blew dust and bits of tree around the clearing. He found Major Miller standing behind him.
“What’s the news Graham?” Asked Finn as he led the way into the trees.
“We’ve still got teams out hunting down survivors,” Reported Miller, “We should have them all by the end of the day.”
“What about the leadership?” Asked Finn moving deeper into the woods, “We don’t want any of them to get away.”
“Best we can figure,” Replied Miller, “Buffy and her girls killed them all. I don’t think we’ll have any more trouble from this group.”
Buffy saw Kennedy sitting at the end of the jetty dangling her feet in the cool lake water. She walked along the jetty to join her. After the fight Buffy had sent her girls back to Cleveland while she and Dawn had rented a cabin near Willow and Kennedy’s. Buffy sat down next to Kennedy.
“Sore feet?” Buffy asked, the water looked so inviting that she took off her own shoes and slipped her feet into the water, “Oh that’s good.” She sighed.
“The trouble with being pregnant,” Explained Kennedy, “Is everything either swells or hurts!” Kennedy lifted a foot out of the water to show Buffy, “Just look at that,” she muttered, “Look at those ankles,” Buffy did, she could not actually see anything wrong.
“All puffy and swollen,” Continued Kennedy, “And I used to have such nice elegant ankles too.” She paused in mid moan, “And you should see the size of my ass and thighs!” She exclaimed.
Buffy really hoped she would not.
“Then there’s my boobs, they’re twice the size that they should be,” Continued Kennedy gloomily, “And when Willow sucks my…” She came to an abrupt stop seeing Buffy’s horrified expression, “Oh…sorry,” She said smiling guiltily, “That’s private and I’m embarrassing you.”
Kennedy lent back on her arms, “Want some advice?” She asked.
“Yeah, go on.” Smiled Buffy.
“Never, ever get pregnant!” Kennedy gave Buffy a pained look.
Buffy laughed out loud at the look of despair on Kennedy’s face.
“I’m sorry I shouldn’t laugh,” Buffy giggled again, “But the look on your face, was so…”
“Oh it’s okay,” Replied Ken with a resigned smile, “I don’t think I was much better when Will was pregnant. It’s funny until it happens to you!”
“I know what you mean.” Agreed Buffy losing some of the amusement from her face. “I wanted to ask you something. I couldn’t ask Willow,” Buffy hesitated, “It would be embarrassing, but with you…”
“Yeah I know,” Interrupted Kennedy, “We’ve never been close so it’s easier to talk…what do you want to know.”
“You’ve always been gay, right?” Blurted out Buffy, “I mean before you ‘changed’.”
“Yeah.” Replied Kennedy eyeing Slayer Prime warily.
“So, can you explain why so many of the girls have turned gay since they were chosen?” Buffy shook her head in puzzlement, “You know sometimes after a big fight it’s like musical beds at the Cleveland house!.”
Kennedy laughed at the vision of girls leaping from one bed to another, but after a moment she became serious again and gave the idea some though. When you thought about it, it was odd. Of the six Slayers at the YSWA fifty percent of them were gay.
“Well,” Began Kennedy slowly, “This is off the top of my head mind, I’ve not thought about this before.”
Buffy nodded her head encouragingly.
“I think it’s ‘cause it’s easier an’ safer that way.”
“How come?” Asked Buffy.
“Now I’m not being nasty, an’ I’m only going from what Will’s told me, but your relationships with guys haven’t been all that fantastic, have they?”
Buffy had to agree this was true. Her latest boyfriend had been a bit of a disaster, he had been nice enough but in bed it was; ‘Was it good for you?’ To which Buffy found herself saying ‘Was what good for me?’ Talk about fast; some nights she found herself checking for friction burns!
“I mean two vamps and a soldier boy, an’ they all knew about the world of weird we live in.” Explained Kennedy, “Look at Faith before she got together with Xander. ‘Use ‘em an’ lose ‘em’ was her motto. So you find yourself a guy and eventually you have the ‘by the way honey I’m a Vampire Slayer’ conversation and watch nine out of ten of them disappear over the horizon!”
“So,” Ken continued, “It might be easier an’ less painful to go with another Slayer. At least she knows what you’re going through and there’s none of that macho thing about your girlfriend being stronger than you an’ having to stand on the sidelines, always coming second to the job. Sometimes it’s hard enough with me an’ Willow, but we manage.” Kennedy shrugged her shoulders, “Then again maybe I’m just talking crap an’ it’s something to do with being a Slayer? Have you considered that?”
Kennedy looked down at the water.
“It’s one of the ways,” Said Buffy thoughtfully, “That the old Council controlled The Slayer. Cut her off from friends and family, until she was isolated and had nothing but being The Slayer, and eventually nothing to live for.”
“We all need to be loved,” Said Kennedy, “Even you Buffy Summers.” Kennedy smiled at Buffy, “Take the advice of an’ old lesbian and get yourself a nice Slayer girlfriend to keep you warm on those long cold Ohio winter nights! I mean you’re still pretty,” Kennedy could not resist the slight dig at Buffy’s age, “I expect you could have your pick of the girls in Cleveland.”
“No way!” Squealed Buffy slapping Kennedy on the arm playfully, “I’ll take by chances with guys thank you very much!”
Bokwus smiled as he looked out over the clearing, all the humans were either dead or gone now. The only thing they had left was their blood and that would help the new trees grow, and soon this open wound would be healed. Thus was the fate of everyone who dared defile the forest. He heard a twig snap behind him.
He turned quickly to find a sword point pricking at his throat. On the blunt end of the sword, where he would much rather be standing, was a young red haired woman dressed in a leather halter top, mini-skirt and thigh boots. The swords-woman sighed and pushed gently on her blade forcing Bokwus up against a tree. Frantically he tried to vanish but found he could not.
“I’m Badb!” Said Badb, “And I’m a warrior Goddess an’ you’re just a Forest Spirit so listen up!”
Bokwus’s eyes flicked from side to side trying to find an escape route; there was none.
“The next time a Slayer goes for a walk in the woods you step aside, get it?” She jabbed with the sword drawing a little blood from Bokwus’s neck, “No messing with them, no trying to get them lost…an’ what’s with that anyway? Maybe I should just kill you now…I can you know…Goddess see?” She grinned evilly at the spirit.
“But they come to defile the forest!” Pleaded Bokwus.
“No they don’t!” Exclaimed Badb, “Well, not most of them. You’ve got to move with the times Woody. So unless you actually see someone defiling the forest leave them be, okay?”
Bokwus reluctantly agreed that in future he would not harm anyone unless they did actually do the forest physical harm.
“And if I hear of you going back on your word,” Said Badb sheathing her sword, “I know one or two Fire Spirits who’d love to spend a few days here!”
Bokwus gasped in horror. Badb grinned before turning into a crow and flying away to the east, leaving the Forest Spirit to contemplate his new place in the scheme of things.
Dawn stood in the kitchen and watched Willow as she busied herself clearing up the mess left by various Slayers and their Jelly and Peanut Butter sandwiches.
“Willow?” Asked Dawn twisting her hair in her hand nervously.
Willow looked at the young woman and raised an eyebrow.
“I was wondering,” Continued Dawn slowly before blurting her question out in a rush, “Could you teach me to be a Witch?”
“What!” Squeaked Willow taken aback.
“Pleeeease Willow,” Begged Dawn, “Doing that teleportation spell was, like, sooo coool!” Dawn bounced up and down with excitement.
“I thought you were going to be a Guardian.” Said Willow unsure of how she should proceed.
“Oh I was…AM!” Corrected Dawn, “But I thought I’d be more useful if I could make like with the mojo.” Dawn grinned hopefully Willow.
“And you want Buffy to start taking you seriously and stop treating you like a little girl.”
“NO!…Yes! Well…you know?” Stuttered Dawn wringing her hands, “And how did you…”
“Remember? I’m a Witch.” Willow explained tiredly as she sat down on a kitchen chair.
Willow thought about this rather unexpected request. Obviously Dawn was fed up with being in the shadow of her older sister and she wanted something that she could do and her sister could not.
“Of course you might not have any talent for it.” Explained Willow.
“But what about the spell? I did that.” Dawn pointed out.
“You were lucky,” Replied Willow, “One of the Goddesses must have been looking out for you. You know you’ll have to work hard at it and you might not be able to do stuff anyway?”
“So you’ll help?” If Dawn grinned any harder her head would fall in two.
“Yeah,” Agreed Willow with a sigh.
She looked at Dawn jumping up and down with joy and babbling on about what a good Witch she was going to be. Willow sighed inwardly, what harm would it do? Maybe a lot! She wondered if maybe she had better find a weakness in Dawn just to be on the safe side, something she could take advantage of…just in case.
Rupert the Bearbot led Sally through the cool darkness of the forest. He turned to the young Slayer and signalled her to be extra quiet. Leading her to the edge of a sunny glade he pointed.
“Bears!” Gasped Sally in delight.
Cletus and Billy-Bob Van Damme sat under a tree looking out over the lake, for the most part they sat in silence trying to come to terms with the events of the last week or so.
The Sheriff had acted weird when he came to tell Ma that Pa was dead, a boating accident he said; which was odd ‘cause Pa hated anything to do with boats. Then there was no body to bury, the Sheriff said that his body must have gone straight to the bottom or been eaten by bears.
“Hey Cletus,” Said Billy-Bob quietly, “I was looking through some of Pa’s old books an’ stuff an’ I found this big old book.”
“So?” Replied Cletus still staring out over the lake.
“Well it tells you how to do stuff!” Billy-Bob tried to explain.
“What do’y mean? ‘Do stuff’?”
“Like when that Witch-lady made us tell the truth, stuff like that.”
Cletus stayed silent and thought about this piece of news, this could be…interesting.
“You tried anything?” He asked.
“No!” Exclaimed his brother, Cletus gave him a hard look, “Well,” Admitted Billy-Bob, “I tried this one thing to make Sue Harts clothes disappear.”
“Did it work?”
“Sure did.” Laughed Billy-Bob.
Interesting, thought Cletus, maybe they should try some other stuff, he could not see that it would do any harm…could it?
Rod Calloway, First Gentleman and husband of President Mackenzie Allen, sat back in his chair and stared up at the ‘Big Board’. What had started out as an investigation into the kidnapping and rescue of his two daughters during a Presidential visit to Seattle; had descended into the murky world of Black Ops, the Mafia, secret societies and shadowy security organisations, and at one point the British National Health Service!
As more information had surfaced the investigation had grown bigger, Rod was forced to assign more Secret Service agents to the task and he had had to move into a bigger office. He studied the board; it was covered in photographs, each connected by variously coloured ribbons to other photographs and notes, the list of characters had grown larger by the week.
The First Gentleman tossed the file he had been reading onto his desk; this one detailed a recent incident in Washington State. Colonel Finn and his unit had been involved, as had General Jack O’Neill the head of ‘Home World Security’. But they seemed to be secondary to the main players in this recent drama. The lead characters had been ‘The Witch Queen of Seattle’ and the YSWA. Rod smiled at the names. There also seemed to be some involvement from a girl’s school in Cleveland. Rod had dispatched a couple of agents to check the place out.
He opened a desk draw and pulled out a file that seemed to get bigger by the week, the name on the file said; Kennedy DeSilver/Rosenberg. Rod flicked through the contents once more. Rod’s agents had confirmed that Kennedy’s mother and step-mother were one and the same person! There was an incomplete report by an FBI agent with the ridiculous name of ‘Fox Mulder’ that claimed Kennedy DeSilver’s mother was somehow related to Marilyn Monroe. So far all efforts to find this Agent Mulder had failed.
Rod sighed and put the file back into the draw and locked it away. He sat back in his chair again and rubbed his face with his hands, then glanced at his watch. It was time he was back at the Residency, the NID files that had just been discovered could wait until tomorrow…no! Tomorrow was Saturday and he’d promised to take Amy, his youngest daughter, to some local event. The NID files could wait until Monday.
While all this was going on in the human world deep under the Sea of Japan Great Cthulhu stirred in His timeless sleep and dreamed his endless dreams.
All verses concerning Great Cthulhu are from the ‘Cthulhu Hymnal’ which can be found on the internet.
Other verses are from Hawkwind and Nickelback albums as already noted in the text.
Information about gods and spirits was taken from www.godchecker.com
Cthulhu is taken from Chaosium Inc’s ‘Call of Cthulhu’ Role playing books, which in turn are based on the works of H.P. Lovecraft.
Great Cthulhu and all other gods do not really exist so don’t have nightmares…if you do start dreaming about Cthulhu go for counselling at the earliest opportunity!
Sheriff Mat Coltrane and Deputies Rosco Strate and Enos Dillon are better know as;
Rosco P Coltrane…Dukes of Hazard.
Enos Strate…Dukes of Hazard.
Tony Hart; was the presenter of a long running BBC TV children’s art show running from the 60’s into the 80’s.
Cletus Van Damme; false name used by Shane Vandrel, a detective in ‘The Shield’.
Farnham’s Freehold; From the book of the same name by Robert Heinlein.
Ranger Frank Smith; Was the Ranger in the Yogi Bear cartoons (I think).