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Tales from the Compelled 'Verse

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This story is No. 6 in the series "Compelled - The Buffy/Angelverse Reshaped". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Stories, Drabbles, Missing scenes and random stuff set in the AU of the Compelled Series by anyone that wants to write some

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > General(Current Donor)Hotpoint + 4 othersFR181735,06236228,93314 Aug 0727 Jul 08No

NOTE: This chapter is rated FR15

Slayers Sing Karaoke? by ShyBob

Summary: A party in honor of Gunslayers back from Pylea—with Karaoke! The Gunslayers pull a Weird Al and rewrite lyrics to a song. Link fixed 7/30/13

Disclaimer: Rockstar is property of Chad Kroeger, Nickelback, and Roadrunner Records. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel the Series, and all associated characters are property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Productions, United Paramount Network, and Fox Television. This work is not for profit, and no ownership of aforementioned copyrighted material implied, nor any infringement intended.

Muse: I blame this on the new Rockstar video with cameos by Eliza Dushku.

Author's Note: If you're not familiar with the tune, click the link below when you get to the singing!

Nickelback - Rockstar



* * *

A rented ballroom--some time after Oct 4, 2005

The oldest living Slayer surveyed the world around her, and saw it was good. The party was starting to take off, with hundreds of Slayers, Watchers, witches, ensouled vampires, and reformed evil-doers in attendance. ‘And Faith thought of this. About time someone did.’ Aloud, she spoke to the woman standing nearby, gently swaying her body to the beat of the music. “This party was a great idea, Faith.”

The second Slayer grinned. “Yeah thought it’d be good, try and get everyone together for a common purpose. You know.” Faith frowned minutely when Buffy didn’t respond. “It’s kind of like a party to celebrate being alive.”

“I know. I can relate.” Buffy’s tone held a note of sadness, and Faith flushed guiltily.

“Shit! Sorry, B. You know I’d’ve thrown you a righteous party when you rose from the dead. Except, well...”

“You were in prison. I remember. And I never told you how much I respected your decision to do that.”

“Oh, fuck it’s gettin’ heavy in here.”

Buffy decided to let the other woman off the hook. “So, what’s the big with the Karaoke rig? I didn’t think the new Slayers were into that stuff.”

“Well, they might’ve said somethin’ about a surprise,” Faith offered.

“Is there a song? That’s a surprise? Suspicious singing and dancing is never good!” The blonde Slayer started to hyperventilate.

“Breathe, chica. You’re startin’ to sound like Red. No, Lorne guaranteed it was Splenda, or somethin’.”

“What?”

“He said it was, like, sweet-free.”

“Oh. Sweet-free.”

“And?” Faith frowned, good mood beginning to wear thin.

“There was a demon, Sweet. He made us all sing and dance and try to spontaneously combust.” Buffy eyed the stage warily.

Faith shook her head in bemusement. “Huh. I thought that shit only happened to old men and strippers."

Buffy relaxed and started to groove when the lead-in came over the speakers. “Ooh, ‘Rockstar’... I love this song.”

Faith looked at her askance. “Wouldn’t’ve thought you approved of the message, B.”

“Well, it’s got a catchy beat.”

It was soon apparent the song had more than a catchy beat. The entire song had been reworded by the Gunslayers, who’d obviously had too much free time in Pylea.


* * *

The girls on stage sang,

“I'm through with standing in line
for the club—I’m already in.
The Apocalypses are coming
and we’re never gonna win.
This Chosen gig hasn't turned out
quite the way I want it to be.

I want a brand new Scythe
and my very own room,
and a bathroom we can have Fight Club in,
and a king-size tub big enough
for my sisters plus me.

I'll need the Council’s card--it’s got no limit
and a big black jet with missiles on it.
Gonna fly it through a portal
then try and find a dragon to slay.

I want a new footlocker full of old-time weapons,
my own plaque on the Slayer Wall of Fame
somewhere near Nikki or
Kendra is fine for me.

I'm gonna risk my life for fortune and fame;
I won’t even cut my hair or change my name.

'Cause we all just wanna be big-time Slayers,
live in the Crawford Street mansion, drive new Jaguars.
The boys come easy and the drinks come cheap.
We'll all stay skinny 'though we eat, eat, eat,
and we'll hang out in the demon bars,
and the demon brothels with the Orpheus girls.
Every bad vampire’s
gonna wind up there,
and the oldest living Slayer
with her bleach-blonde hair.

And, well...
Hey, hey, I wanna be a Slayer.
Hey, hey, I wanna be a Slayer.

I wanna be great like Faith but without the hassles,
be my own bodyguard ‘cause I can beat up assholes,
save the world a couple times
so I can eat my meals for free.

I'm gonna dress my ass
with the latest fashion.
Get a front door key to the Crawford Street mansion.
Gonna date a mercenary that loves to
blow my money for me.

I'm gonna risk my life for fortune and fame;
I won’t even cut my hair or change my name.

'Cause we all just wanna be big-time Slayers,
live in the Crawford Street mansion, drive new Jaguars.
The boys come easy and the drinks come cheap.
We'll all stay skinny 'though we eat, eat, eat,
and we'll hang out in the demon bars,
and the demon brothels with the Orpheus girls.
Every bad vampire’s
gonna wind up there,
and the oldest living Slayer
with her bleach-blonde hair.

And we'll hide out in the secret rooms
with the Slayer Handbook and the Demons’ Who's Who.
They'll get you anything with that evil smile;
everybody's got a weapons dealer on speed dial.

Well...
Hey, hey, I wanna be a Slayer.

I'm gonna sing this song
and offend the Watchers.
Gonna be on The Pill from a Pez dispenser.
I'll get a Canadian singer to write me a theme song
and sing it every night so I don't get it wrong.

Well, we all just wanna be big-time Slayers,
live in the Crawford Street mansion, drive new Jaguars.
The boys come easy and the drinks come cheap.
We'll all stay skinny 'though we eat, eat, eat,
and we'll hang out in the demon bars,
and the demon brothels with the Orpheus girls.
Every bad vampire’s
gonna wind up there,
and the oldest living Slayer
with her bleach-blonde hair.

And we'll hide out in the secret rooms
with the Slayer Handbook and Demons’ Who's Who.
They'll get you anything with that evil smile;
everybody's got a weapons dealer on speed dial.

Well...
Hey, hey, I wanna be a Slayer.
Hey, hey, I wanna be a Slayer.”


* * *


“Faith. Faith! Stop fucking laughing, Faith.” The blonde slayer had to shout to be heard over the thunderous cheers and hooting of the crowed. When Buffy stomped her foot for emphasis Faith nearly peed her pants. Her sides already hurt from laughing at the lyrics the Gunslayers had written.

“Oh...fuck, B. That was the best shit I’ve heard in a long damn time.” Faith wiped a real tear from her eye. “Ain’t heard that much tweakin’ of a song since I was behind bars.”

Buffy looked past Faith at Andrew, who was checking his videocamera to make sure it had recorded the performance. “Andrew?”

“Yes, Slayer Prime.”

“You will destroy that tape.” Buffy scowled. “And quit calling me that!”

“Yes Slayer—“ The aspiring videographer was cut short by the younger Summers.

“Andrew!” Dawn stormed up just in time to hear Buffy’s commands. “You will do no such thing. That tape is for posterity. I am seizing it in the name of the archives of the Council.”

Andrew looked from one irritated sister to the other. “I don’t really think-“

“No argument there,” Faith muttered under her breath.

“-that it’s up to us. Let Giles decide.”

“Whoo-hoo,” Dawn shouted, as her sister stomped off into the crowd.

Another group of Slayers made their way to the stage as the Gunslayers jumped down into the crowd of enthusiastic party-goers. To begin the next song a siren blared from the speakers, followed by heavy base. “No fucking way!” Faith shouted. Her eyes searched side of the hall for the most unbalanced Slayer at the party.

“This goes out to our sister. You go Dana--keep on getting better!”

“Faith.” Dawn pulled on the Slayer’s arm and nearly got cold-cocked for her trouble. “Faith, what’s the deal?”

“This fucking song is called ‘Eyes of the Insane’ by the goddamned band Slayer!”

Dawn’s eyes widened comically as she followed Faith’s line of sight to Dana. A single Slayer had been tasked to keep an eye on the disturbed young woman; not nearly enough to control her if she snapped.

The Slayer in question gently bobbed her head to the beat, oblivious to the temporary panic of those observing her. Dana smiled as she sang along with her fellow Slayers upon the stage. Her “escort” for the evening, Hallie, relaxed visibly as the healing woman reveled in the party.

Faith stood stunned at the sight. “Hunh. Guess she likes it.”


* * *

“If someone had told me I’d have to deal with this shite in the Watcher’s Academy, I’d have boxed his ears for lying,” Giles stated.

Wesley smiled. “Still, the video is in our possession.”

Giles removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I fear it is irrelevant. I heard some of the younger Slayers humming the tune in the halls.”

“Well then Rupert, by all means put it in the Archives. Posterity and the future and all that rot.”

Giles sighed and reached for the bottle of Scotch on the sideboard.



FIN
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