“I’m married?” A shrill voice roused him from the near-coma he’d fallen into. “How can I be married? Don’t they need a lot of blood, numerous conversations with the bride and groom, dowries and shit like that?”
“Guh?” Xander rolled around, to look in the direction the noise was coming from. He opened his eye. “Wha’sit?”
The blonde he vaguely remembered from before dropped down on the bed next to him. The movement did some uncomfortable things to his brain. She thrust a document into his face. “Here. Read.”
Rising himself into a sitting position on the bed, he accepted the document, and looked it over. What he saw made him blink. “I know I was fairly slow at reading in first grade, but I think I’ve caught up by now. Am I reading this right?”
“Depends on what you’re reading,” the blonde said. “But what I read was that I was married to Alexander Lavelle Harris.”
“That’s me,” Xander volunteered. “So, you’d be…” he took a look at the marriage certificate again. “Isobel Stevens?”
She nodded. “Izzie, actually.”
“I’m Xander. Nice to meet you. Hey, haven’t I seen you in some ads somewhere?”
“Yeah, I used to be a model,” she massaged her temples irately. “I can’t
“According to this, we are.” He glanced down at his hand before looking at hers. “And we even got the super-nifty matching decoder rings to go with.”
“Like my life wasn’t crappy enough, already. I had to go out and get married. I was drunk, for heaven’s sake. How can they let drunk people get married? Even in Las Vegas there has to be some sort of control-system in place?”
Xander shrugged. “I can’t remember what happened, at all, after the alcohol, so I can’t answer you. ”
“Married. My friends are going to love this. Like I’m not enough of a total screw-up. I had to go get married.”
“I almost got married once. Before this,” Xander volunteered. Maybe he could distract her somehow. Lessen the hysteria.
“What happened? I assume you didn’t go through with it, or else we’re in extra big shit here.” Previous almost-marriage was definitely the wrong thing to mention to a hysteric new wife.
“I couldn’t quite see myself as a married man. And when I saw the error of my ways, it was too late. She’s dead.”
“But you see yourself as married now?” His wife looked at him. “I was engaged, too. He died a while ago. It’s kind of why I’m here, or in Vegas, actually. I needed some time away. There was baking being done.”
“God, I’m pathetic.”
“I know,” Izzie smiled sadly. “I mean, who goes to Vegas, wakes up next to a total stranger, and discovers that they’ve married them?”
“At least Ross knew Rachel before they got hitched.” Courtesy of the new Slayers, Xander had more than caught up on whatever episode of Friends he might have missed during his years in Sunnydale. He wasn’t sure it was a good thing.
“It’s a pretty sad state of affairs when we can compare ourselves to fictional characters,” he mused.
“The only other person I know of who got hitched in Vegas is Britney Spears, and hair colour aside, I’d really
rather not go there.”
“Scary place, huh?”
They sat in silence for a while.
“So…” Xander said. “What do we do about this?”
Izzie fell back onto the bed. “I don’t know. Logically we should find some way to get an annulment. Seriously, we were drunk.”
“Waaay drunk,” Xander agreed with a groan.
“So drunk I don’t remember it. I should be able to remember my own wedding. It’s the sort of happy occasion that a person should remember, right?”
“So divorce or annulment then?”
“It’s just… I don’t wanna be the kind of person who takes lightly on marriage and divorce.”
Xander was afraid that that ship had sailed once they discovered that they couldn’t remember their own wedding. “Tell me about it. I don’t want to be Ross. ‘Cause, the whole floppy brown hair, and rugged good looks aside – I’m so not a member of the geek squad. And I don’t want several marriages. Not that I’ve had one before this, and I’ve never had a lesbian wife, unless you’re…?”
“No, I’m straight. Seriously, it’s not like I was so drunk last night that I forgot what sex I’m attracted to.”
“Good. Uh… clothes?”
“God, yes.” Izzie’s hand shot out to grab the bra hanging from a lamp.
“Not that I don’t appreciate the sight of a naked female body, but…”
“Seriously, I get what you’re saying.”
Xander thought he spotted his shirt over by the door. They had managed to get themselves semi-respectable by the time his phone rang. He glanced at the display. “I kind of have to get this.”