Chapter 16

Xander walked around the Raunch ‘O Mart, marveling at the illusion of LA that surrounded it; it looked and felt like a warm summer day in the middle of LA, minus the smog and noise.

“This has got to be one of the most impressive displays of magic I have ever seen,” Peter said, making Xander jump.

“I can see why you were both named Padfoot, you walk like a cat,” Xander said.

“Force of habit,” Peter replied. “I came outside to give them a little privacy.”

Xander nodded.

“Clothes started flying … normally I wouldn't mind having a front row seat, but the fact that we're the same person and yet each other’s worst enemies is… weird.”

“That would be a bit strange,” Xander admitted.

“So … how is it both of you survived an AK?”

“AK?”

“Avada kedavra,” Peter explained, “Harry is the only known human survivor of one, but you two shrugged it off like it was a tickling charm!”

“No idea,” Xander replied honestly, “Penny's moms probably had something to do with her surviving it, but I'm not sure why I did. What are the mechanics of the spell? What exactly does it do?”

“It expels all the life force in a body … well, in a human or smaller anyway. It won’t work on giants because of size or because … of amount of life force,” Peter said as he searched his mind for details. “It can be blocked by physical objects but magical shields are useless and for some reason it goes right through clothes even though a thrown shirt can block it.”

“A person's aura actually extends an inch or so past their clothes,” Xander explained. “So it probably doesn't need to hit them, just their aura.”

Peter nodded. “That's a common theory, but we don't have any proof to back it up and of course testing it is out.”

Xander nodded. “I made an amulet to keep my life force inside my body after a girl I was dating turned out to be a life sucking mummy.”

“How do you miss something like that?” Peter asked. “The bandages are a dead giveaway.”

“She was a Mayan princess who was sacrificed about five centuries ago, but as long as she'd drained someone recently she looked like she was 17,” Xander explained. “Rather than drain me she let herself crumble to dust.”

Reaching into his shirt he untangled and pulled out a small silver ankh on an iron chain. “I made this right after.”

Peter examined the ankh. “Looks like a lightning bolt on the front.”

Xander flipped it over. “Nah, that's just the focal rune for this.”

Peter's eyes scanned over the complicated rune structure etched on the back. “Wow, that's beyond me.”

“It's not complicated, you just have to break it down into sections,” Xander said waving it off. “The hard part isn't the runes, it’s killing a demon for the spell components.”

“A demon?!”

“Yeah,” Xander explained, “you see in the world I come from, vampires are actually blood demons, inhabiting corpses and I need the ashes of one to make an amulet.”

“Isn't that dangerous?”

“Yeah,” Xander admitted, “but with vampire ash collected yourself you can use runes of blood and sacrifice without sacrificing anyone.”

Peter stared at him in shock for a moment before getting a far off look in his eyes. “Blood and sacrifice … of course, mother's blood! Why didn't I see it sooner?”

Xander raised an eyebrow.

“The scar, it isn't a lightning bolt at all, it’s a rune! Lily sacrificed her life to seal the spell,” Peter continued anxiously, “but Voldemort used Harry's blood to resurrect himself, so the defenses are worthless now! We've gotta rescue Harry!”

Peter jumped up and ran inside and just as quickly ran back out. “I think I'll wait until they're done.”

“Probably a good idea,” Xander agreed.

“How long do you think it'll take them?” Peter asked after about half an hour.

“'Bout nineteen more hours,” Xander replied.

“You're kidding,” Peter deadpanned.

“Nope, but feel free to interrupt,” Xander offered, “Sirius will probably thank you for it.”

“Really?!”

“Definitely.”

“Okay, but if they get pissed I'm blaming you.”

“Feel free,” Xander said watching the illusion of clouds pass by overhead.

Peter went back inside and the three came out about ten minutes later.

“I am so glad you brought a never-full basket with you,” Sirius said, “it'd be really awkward trying to carry all the porn otherwise.”

Peter shrugged. “Thank Remus, he's the one who marketed our expansion charm. The way it expands automatically to fit more stuff inside and keep it from spilling, made it the perfect food storage charm.”

“We never marketed it back home,” Sirius said, “which is a shame because Remus could have used the money.”

“I know what you mean,” Peter said while Sirius made a carpet for them to use, “he could use it here too, but all the profits go directly to Saint Mungos.”

“At least it’s doing some good and not sitting around gathering dust,” Sirius offered.

“You got a point,” Peter said as he climbed on the carpet.

“Point me to the nearest way out!” Sirius said, his wand spinning to point off into the darkness. “To the exit!” he ordered and the carpet lifted and flew ten feet before landing.

“I don't see an exit,” Penny said as she looked around.

Peter stepped off the carpet and vanished from sight though he could still be heard cursing.

“Peter, you okay?” Sirius called out looking around wildly.

“Fell in a hole, rolled to the front seat and smashed my ghoulies on the steering wheel!” he called back drawing their attention to a rectangular hole in the ground as they gathered around it, staring down at the light they could see coming in from the sides at the bottom of it.

“How do we get out this way?” Xander asked.

“Just hop in,” Peter called up, “you'll slide right into the front seat.”

Xander stepped into the hole and was suddenly jerked sideways as gravity shifted, and whacked himself on the steering wheel.

“I have got to stop listening to you two,” Xander groaned as Peter and Sirius laughed.

Peter helped him out of the car as Sirius explained to Penny how to crawl in and out of the entrance without getting a steering wheel in the groin letting them climb over the seat uninjured while Xander rubbed himself.

“Remind me to get revenge on both of you,” Xander said.

“Rescue Harry first, revenge later!” Peter said quickly.

“You two ride in the back,” Xander said, “Peter can give me directions.”

“Back to the porn!” Sirius said cheerfully as he and Penny crawled over the back seat and vanished.

“Okay, give me directions,” Xander said, buckling up and starting the car.

“This would be a lot easier if the car could fly and turn invisible,” Peter said with a sigh, as he realized they were going to be taking surface roads the whole way there.

“Well it doesn't and we need to get there.”

Peter conjured a crystal globe with a large number of colored arrows inside of it and stuck it to the dash with a sticking charm. A minute and a half of mumbling in bastardized Latin saw three quarters of the arrows pointing in one direction. “Okay follow the arrows.”

“Why so many of them?” Xander asked as he pulled into traffic, still feeling as if he were driving on the wrong side of the road.

“It’s my patented General Directions charm with scenic options,” Peter said proudly, “just focus on one of the arrows pointing off to the side and read it.”

Xander slowed down so he wouldn't crash and examined an arrow that was pointing to a girl walking along the sidewalk. “Girl more freaky in bed than you,” he read aloud.

“Always important to know,” Peter said solemnly.

Xander chuckled and sped up.

0oOo0

“That's the place,” Peter said sinking to the floorboards. “You'll have to get Harry, because Dumbledore has members of his Order hiding under invisibility cloaks and if they see me they'll try and stop me.”

Xander nodded, recalling what Peter had said about how Harry was treated on the drive over. “Sure I can't take my bat?”

“I wish! That lot could use some serious attitude adjustments,” Peter muttered.

“Be back in a minute or two,” Xander said before climbing out of the car and approaching the house.

It looked like suburbia under glass, Xander thought to himself, plastic and lifeless. Personally it gave him the creeps and he knocked on the door a bit harder than he meant to.

“What do you want?” Vernon demanded, seeing the teen who'd knocked hard enough to dent the door.

“I'm here for Harry,” Xander said blandly.

Vernon tried to close the door, but Xander pushed his way in with almost no effort.

“You freaks aren't allowed to come in!” Vernon yelled, face already red heading towards purple.

A red haired teen in threadbare shirt and jeans a few sizes too big for her came out of the kitchen; she looked half-starved and her left eye had one hell of a shiner behind a pair of thick black glasses.

“Did you do that?” Xander asked in a low and dangerous voice.

“I – I,” Vernon began to bluster.

Xander's right hand flashed out in a backhand that spun Vernon like a top, before dropping him unconscious to the floor.

“Vald-o-mart used your blood to resurrect himself, making the protections worthless since they're blood based,” Xander quickly explained. “Peter is hiding in the front seat of my car because your place is being watched by some of Dumbledore's men under invisibility cloaks who would object to you being rescued.”

Harriet Potter just stared at him in shock.

“Too much?” Xander asked.

“I – I'm really being rescued?” she asked tearfully.

“Yep,” Xander confirmed just before he found his arms full of crying redhead, listening to a tale that was seriously tempting him to do something terminal to Vernon.

“He – he sent them on v-vacation to weaken the wards,” she explained, “he said since I was sixteen now I'd be legal and he deserved something for putting up with me all these years.”

“Did I get here in time or should I be preparing to dispose of his body?” Xander asked gently.

Harriet's eyes shot wide open. “He was planning it for after dinner, please don't get in trouble on my account!”

“Can I at least curse him while you get your things?” Xander whined.

“I think the wards would prevent that,” she said while wiping her eyes and regaining her composure.

“If he weakened the wards as much as he thinks, I should be able to,” Xander said pulling out a small notebook and paging through it.

“I'll just go get my things real quick,” she said, hurrying to get her things so she could get back in time to prevent her rescuer from doing anything that would get him in trouble.

Xander pulled out a small silver rod and began writing lines of runes in burning shadow that glittered like diamonds in the night sky before fading deeper into his shadow and vanishing.

Harriet returned just in time to see Xander completing the last line. “What kind of magic is that?”

“Runic,” Xander replied cheerfully as he put away his notebook and rod.

“Why didn't you use your wand?”

“I'm not a wizard,” Xander replied, “I'm an artificer.”

“What's that?” she asked curiously.

“I can create magical items, but I'm not magical myself,” Xander explained.

“How does that work?” she asked confusedly.

“You don't have to be magical to use magic if you know what you're doing. Now, have you got everything?”

“Yeah, the twins and Hermione got me a mokeskin bag.”

“Then let’s blow this Popsicle stand before something stops us,” Xander said, not knowing what a mokeskin bag was, but thinking it was probably something like a bag of holding, since she didn’t appear to be carrying any luggage.

They walked calmly out of the house and to the car, where Harriet had to restrain herself from giving away the fact that Padfoot was hiding on the floorboard.

“What’s the plan?” she asked as they drove away.

Padfoot climbed up on the seat and turned back into Peter, now that they were safely away and hugged his goddaughter.

“Plan is a pretty big word for what we're doing,” Xander declared with a grin.

“Why don't I like the sound of that?” Harriet groaned.

“Because you have a deplorable amount of common sense?” Peter suggested.

Harriet laughed.

“How'd you get the black eye?” Peter asked, his concern obvious on his face and in his voice.

“Vernon,” she admitted, looking down.

“None of that,” Peter said gently, “the responsibility for what that rat does lies with him, now let’s turn this car around so I can go kill him.”

“Peter!”

“He deserves it!”

“Relax, I took care of it.” Xander promised.

“What did you do?” Harriet asked curiously.

“I engraved a series of runic spells on his shadow.”

“Like what?” Peter asked after a minute had passed and Xander hadn't elaborated.

“Well first he's going to lose all that excess weight and that awful mustache of his,” Xander replied.

“And?” Peter asked.

“Then his hair is going to become silky smooth and his skin is going to lose all its imperfections.”

“You're turning him into a male model?” Harriet asked confused.

“Yep,” Xander said smugly, “he's going to turn into a very pretty man.”

“And then?” Peter asked suspiciously.

“And then his compulsion to get himself incarcerated should kick in.”

“He's going to be passed around like Bellatrix at a death eater revel!” Peter burst out.

“Yep,” Xander said with a grin. “I believe in letting the punishment fit the crime.”

“Crime?” Peter asked intently.

“Just because we prevented the crime doesn't mean we can't punish him for planning to commit it,” Xander explained.

Peter sighed in relief.

Harriet leaned against Xander, feeling something she rarely felt; safe. He reminded her of Hagrid a little, seeming so much solider than his surroundings. “So, what is the plan?”

“Step one, Rescue Harry,” Xander said. “Check!”

“Step two … did we have a step two?” Peter asked.

“Not really,” Xander admitted, “just a vague plan of stealing Death Eater estates to narrow down the places Wormtail could hide.”

“How in the world are you going to steal estates?” Harriet asked.

Xander grinned and followed the directions of a little blue arrow marked 'Empty Parking Spot' so he could park. “Follow me,” he said, crawling over the back seat.

Harriet followed, her eyes drawn to his butt.

“Bloody hell!” Peter heard her yell a few minutes later before he followed himself.

“I've seen Hell; well portals to it anyway – this is more like limbo, but where it is would be the back seat of my car.”

“He has his own Padfoot with him from an alternate universe,” Peter explained, “only his Padfoot makes Voldemort look like a squib.”

“Really?” Harriet asked as they lead her to the porno shop.

“Really,” Peter said cheerfully, “want to meet him?”

Xander decided to head off the disaster he could see coming, “Just so you know, my Padfoot is Sirius. You see, Wormtail is the betrayer, but Sirius isn't always Wormtail.”

“What?” she asked confused.

“Aww, it would have been funny if she discovered it herself,” Peter pouted.

“Not a good idea,” Xander shook his head. “Sirius has a huge amount of power, but no real control yet. He's very careful when casting spells, but if he's attacked he could end up casting something reflexively without remembering. He's only been all powerful for a couple of days after all.”

“Good point,” Peter said wincing. “In there is a good Sirius, don't attack,” he ordered Harriet.

“Okay,” she promised before entering the Raunch ‘O Mart and coming out as quickly as she went in, her face a bright red. “Well at least I can be sure he's not a death eater.”

“Yeah?” Peter asked, trying his best not to laugh.

“Yeah, I'm pretty sure I saw everywhere the dark mark could be hidden.”

Peter fell down laughing, so naturally Harriet started kicking him, making Xander laugh.

AN: Typing by Godogma!