Takes place during season 2 of Grey's Anatomy and season 5 of Buffy. I own nothing.
Anya was still wearing her wedding dress, damn nuisance. Just another stupid reminder of all the stupid mistakes she had made since becoming a stupid mortal. It was annoying and irritating and it made her heart and head hurt to think about it. How dare he? How dare Xander Harris stand her up at the altar! She was a good catch. How many women could live 2100 years and still look as good as she did. Anya rummaged through her drawers, searching for one tiny medallion.
"What's going on honey?" A warm caring familiar voice asked her. Anya turned and sucked down the sobs trying to escape her throat.
"He dumped me. ME! And at the altar no less. I thought I had finally found a good man. A caring man, and he leaves me!" Anya shouted, turning back to her dresser.
"Men are worthless. There's no point trusting them because they're all dogs at heart," Halfrek continued. Anya nodded.
"I know. At least, I should know. I spent enough time cursing them. Stupid Xander," Anya rubbed under her eye carefully. Even if you were left at the altar, no reason to ruin a good make-up job.
"Let's get a drink sweetheart," Halfrek suggested, holding out her hand.
"Yes. I could use a bit of mindless inebriation. Can we go somewhere that no one knows me though? Please?" Anya asked. Halfrek smiled understandingly.
"Of course," The brunette looped arms with the blonde in the beautiful wedding gown and shimmered out of Sunnydale.
"Where are we exactly?" Any asked as they appeared in the mouth of an alleyway on a rainy city street.
"Seattle," Halfrek said, dragging her friend down the street, both of them ignoring gawkers. She pulled her into the door of a bar and over to the counter.
"Uh, hello," A large man, tall and slightly overweight looked them both over and raised his eyebrows.
"Hi, I need a beer, anything on tap," Halfrek turned to Anya. "And you?" She asked solicitously. Anya looked up at the bartender.
"What do you have for a girl left at the altar?" She asked morosely. The man held up a finger for her to wait and pulled out an unopened bottle of tequila.
"Just the thing," He told her. Anya shrugged and nodded her head.
"Hand me a shot glass and leave the bottle. The worm is mine," She told him. He did as she asked and went down the counter to a young man who had just come in. Well, maybe young was a matter of perspective. Really he was older than Xander.
"I think this is for the best," Halfrek started, taking a tiny sip of her beer.
"For the best? No, the best thing would have been to dump me before the WEDDING DAY," Anya shouted, pouring her third shot of Petrone.
"Oh sweetheart, it's better than 10 years into your marriage," A tired, but still good looking, red head told the blonde. Halfrek looked affronted that the woman would jump in.
"Come have a drink with me," Anya invited. The woman moved closer the bartender brought over a glass of beer for her.
"Thanks Joe," She told him.
"No problem Addison," He nodded and moved off to help someone else.
"Nice Dress," Addison told Anya. Anya sighed and nodded, pouring another shot.
"Nice scrubs. Doctor?" She asked. Addison nodded.
"Yup, lucky me," Addison agreed.
"Can I get a couple more shot glasses?" Anya called to Joe. Joe nodded and a few moments later she had a few more set in front of her. Anya poured three shots, shoving one to each of her drinking partners and downing the third.
"Oh, got call, I have to go take care of some business, but I'll be back later," Halfrek promised, downing her beer and the shot quickly.
"On my wedding day?" Anya demanded, no believing her bad luck. She needed to mope damn it all.
"Well dear, you didn't actually get married," Halfrek shrugged, walking to the door and leaving. Anya shook her head. It figured.
"Don't worry I'll drink with you. I'm Addison Montgomery-Shepherd," Addison held out her hand and Anya took it.
"Anya Jenkins almost Harris. Stupid Xander," Anya told her, refilling both shot glasses.
"Xander Harris left you at the altar?" Addison clarified. Anya nodded.
"Stupid Males. Look at me, I am a perfectly good specimen of womanhood. I gave him many orgasms and I was willing to dress up like Cat Woman damn it," Anya pouted, pouring another shot.
"Men are stupid," Addison said with shrug, smiling sweetly at Joe. Joe raised an eyebrow as he filled another glass.
"You think I'm pretty enough to have orgasms with, right?" Anya demanded of the man. He cleared his throat blinked a few times.
"You'd need a penis to give him orgasms," Addison told the girl, coming to her friends rescue.
"Oh, well, then you're exempt from the situation. Unless you leave you're boyfriend at the courthouse, or wherever you go to get hitched," Anya allowed. Joe disappeared to the other end of the counter.
"Who's your friend?" Asked a gravelly voice from behind the women. It was the man at the end of the counter.
"This is Anya," Addison told him, "Anya, this is Alex, an intern at the hospital," Addison told her, her mouth and nose twitching. Anya looked up at the young man and poured more shots, handing him one.
"Right now I am contemplating all the ways to vindicate my feelings of self-worth. I was left at the altar by a decent looking young man that I had finally trained to give me perfect orgasms," Anya and Addison downed their shots, Addison looking amused at the derr-in-the-headlights expression on Alex's face.
"Vindication?" Alex downed his shot as well.
"Right now I want to attach leeches to his penis and testes before slowly skinning him alive," Anya told him brightly. Alex choked on his beer and raised both eyebrows.
"I think I see some friends," Alex said, taking off to join a small group of people at the other end of the bar room.
"Nice Imagery," Addison approved, accepting another beer from Joe and getting one for Anya as well.
"Yeah," Anya agreed.
"That's a beautiful dress," A statuesque blonde smiled at Anya.
"Dr. Izzy Stevens, another intern at the hospital," Addison said tightly. Izzy smiled and sat down.
"I'm Anya. I spent $1200 (dollars) on this dress. It is beautiful and makes me feel beautiful. And I got left at the fucking altar in it. I mean really! I went to some effort to look like this," Anya stood up and twirled around. "I AM BEAUTIFUL DAMN IT," She raged. Izzy was wide eyed and taking a deep breath.
"You're gorgeous men just suck," A caustic voice announced. Addison was looking less amused with the two new arrivals.
"Meridith Grey and Christina Yang," Addison introduced.
"Men do suck, but at least when they do it properly you get an orgasm," Anya shrugged, passing out more shots.
"You have a good point," Christina agreed.
"I gave him many Orgasms, I gave him chance after chance after chance, and he treated me like some sort of subservient creature with less intelligence. I am smart and funny and good in bed and I have lots of money. Not as much as I want, but certainly more than he does," Anya said in outraged tones.
"Amen sister," Christina held up another shot and the women all downed one together.
"Boys are stupid. No matter what they say it's all about what they want and once they get it you can't trust them," Izzy said, glaring over at Alex.
"And when you finally get a good one he's married or gay," Meredith agreed. Addison raised an eyebrow at the girl and she sent the red head a one shouldered shrug.
"Alex keeps looking over here like we're going to all go crazy any second," Christina commented with a frown. Anya nodded.
"There was talk of leeches on testes," Addison shared.
"Nice. Though if I get left at the altar I'd probably tie him up and throw acid on his lap," Izzy told them.
"Didn't know you had it in you," Addison cheered, tapping glasses with the tall blonde.
"That's beautiful," Christina agreed, "I'd castrate him. There are ways to keep him lucid through the procedure, no pain killers, just me and a scalpel ... and a gag. Definitely a gag," Meredith told them.
"The screaming would get old," Anya agreed, pouring more tequila.
"You guys are so blood thirsty. There are perfectly respectable cocktails that will make someone's nerve endings melt. One simple poke of a needle. Then you can sit back and watch with a nice glass of red wine," Meredith told them.
"That one's good," Anya said, trying to remember the suggestions.
"I'm old fashioned. Sledge hammer to the knees and elbows and hands and feet. Mangle them so he can't use them anymore. Leave his penis alone. Then he gets to live with the knowledge that he's able to use it, but no one will ever want to," Addison said with a happy sigh.
"You guys are wonderful friends, I'm so glad I met you," Anya said, pouring yet more tequila. "You're helping me block thoughts like slicing open his stomach and pouring honey and fire ants inside. Or smashing his penis violently with a hammer and forcing him to fondle it. I have to pee," Anya stood up and tottered to the bathroom, the women from Seattle Grace drinking behind her. It took her a while to fight her dress into letting her use the toilet, but when she was done she felt much better. At least until she ran into someone outside the door and fell.
"here, let me help you up," Alex offered, pulling her to her feet. Anya smiled and fixed her dress and veil.
"Thank you," She told him.
"I'm sorry you had such a lousy day," He offered. Anya looked coyly through her eyelashes at him.
"It wouldn't be all bad if I had an Orgasm partner for the night," She mentioned. Alex smiled.
"My place is just around the corner," He offered. Anya took his hand in hers.
"Lead the way," She agreed.
"You need to hurry, Bailey doesn't seem to be in a very good mood today," George told his fellow intern as Alex came running into the locker room.
"I'm going," Alex said, tugging off his beanie and stripping his shirt.
"Oh. My. God," Meredith shouted, drawing attention to Alex, who's back and shoulders were covered in scratches and red marks. His neck and chest had hickeys marching down to the waistband of his pants.
"Didn't you go home with groom-less last night?" Christina asked after catching her breath from the hysterical laughter.
"Her name is Anya," Alex growled, pulling on his scrubs and knotting the pants tightly.
"Is her nickname kitty," Izzy muttered.
"With those marks? More like Tiger," Christina commented.
"Bailey is not going to like this," George mumbled, looking at the hickeys visible on Alex's neck.
"We're gonna be late," Alex reminded his fellows, tugging on his lab coat and heading for rounds.
"Kirev! Is there a reason you thought it was all right to show up to rounds covered in hickeys?" Bailey demanded, hands on hips and angry disbelief on her face.
"I think it had something to do with Tequila," Addison commented as she walked by. Bailey turned to follow the doctor with her eyes and turned back to her interns with a growl.
"You will find a way to cover those, this is not spring break in Tijuana," Bailey said as she walked away, her 5 ducklings following in her wake, the girls ribbing Alex as they went.