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Pieces of Eight

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Summary: This is a collection of ideas I never fully developed, short stories, and ideas I do plan to flesh out at some point. Contains crossovers and pure stories from several different genres.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > General(Past Donor)DakaathFR181727,80203432,15013 Oct 0728 Nov 13No

Mass Effect Snippets

Mass Effect Snippets written for a “Continue the Story” Thread on TFF. Figured I’d post them here just to show I’m still alive. ME3 had me really down for a while, then the end of term suddenly showed up in a rush. Curse Finals, but one more week and I’m free.
Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect.

“What’s this?”

“Wellllll….” Garrus rubbed the back of his head, staring at the modified Mako and trying to think how to explain what happened last night after they went drinking.

“It started when we started drinking,” admitted Wrex. “We were comparing pistols, and they were trying to match me shot for shot!” He let out a barking laugh, making the others groan at the noise. Having redundant organs really helped when it came to hangovers.

“So what happened?” He might have spoken louder than necessary, but no one had to know that.

“Not so loud!” Ashley hissed, trying to shield her face from the lights in the cargo bay. She could just make out Shepard arching an eyebrow at her in invitation to continue the story. “I mentioned the old gunslingers from the Wild West.” Her voice sputtered out, and she began to eye the basket near the gun bench.

Kaiden stepped forward, looking in much better than the others. With his headaches, moderation had been something he learned early. “Well, we talked about that for a while, and Garrus really seemed interested in posses. From there it was criminals, then stage coach robberies, and your driving came up just after we talked about trains.”

Shepard held up a hand to stop him. “I think I can fill in the rest easily enough. I only have one question…” He lowered his voice, making the others lean in to hear his last word. “Will it work?!”

The group staggered back at his shout, and Tali poked her head out of the engine room, having heard his bellow. “Ah, it should. I heard the noise last night, and made sure they didn’t hurt the Mako…or themselves.”

“Excellent,” cackled Shepard. “Joker! Find me a planet with some Geth; I have a cow catcher to try out.”

“Muhahahahahahahahahaha!” The diabolical laughter echoed throughout the Normandy, something that should have been impossible given the fact the bulkhead door was closed. A second later thundered sounded while lightening flashed.


“Yes Commander Shepard?”

“Why are you pumping Mordin’s laughter through the ship?” Another bout of laughter started up, and once again thunder roared and lightening flashed, blinding the crew members clustered around the locked door to the Doctor’s lab. Wearily Shepard rubbed his forehead, his augmented eyes having left him faring better then the crewmen. “And what’s with the special effects?"

EDI’s blue avatar popped up. “Per Doctor Solus’s orders.”

Shepard held up a hand. “Wait, you’re telling me Mordin asked you to?”

The avatar flashed, EDI’s equivalent to a nod. “Yes.”

“Did he say why?” Curiosity was starting to seep into Shepard’s voice, replacing his frustration at being interrupted from his work.

“Mad Scientist regulations.”

Shepard had to blink at hearing that answer. “Mad Scientist regulations?” he repeated to himself more than anyone.

EDI heard him however, and chose to interpret it as a request for further clarification. “He was very specific in stating the times when I should trigger the effects.”

“Well, let’s see what this is all about then.” As he headed for the door the special effects went off once again, Mordin’s laughter reaching a crescendo.

“EDI, stop that.”

“Belay that order,” added Shepard over his shoulder.

“You’re going to let this continue?” asked Miranda, a little of her old scorn slipping into her voice. “ITs causing havoc with the crew.”

Shepard paused, considering. “Good point. EDI, just tune it down some.”

Miranda could only shake her head, though a small smile crept onto her lips when she thought no one was listening. She stepped into place behind Shepard, preparing to follow him into the lair of the beast.

The crowd of crewmembers moved back to give them access to the door, and those that had jobs to do quickly scurried away at Miranda’s glare. Garrus stepped forward form among them, Jacob right behind him.

As Shepard approached the door the glaring red locked symbol flashed, sensing the Captain’s signal in his Omnitool. The computer queried the lab’s computer to see if there was an actual reason for the lab being locked, like a chemical leak, and receiving an okay symbol began to open.

Before it could, EDI intercepted it, sending in a new set of programs as per the Doctor’s orders. This all took less than half a second to the organic beings waiting for the door to open, and they were naturally surprised when the doors slid slowly open with an ominous creak.

“Success!” Cackled the doctor. They could barely see him, the lab lights having been dimmed from their natural brightness. Instead beakers of chemicals glowed in crazy colors, and in the corner lightening crackled up and down a metallic pillar.
Suddenly the lights flashed behind him, highlighting the bubbling beaker held in his land. He spun around to face them, lab coat billowing behind him dramatically.

“You’ve just arrived in time to witness my greatest creation! And there’s nothing you can do to stop me!”

With that Mordin took a giant gulp of the glowing liquid in his beaker even as Shepard leaped forward to stop him. Shepard stopped as he realized Mordin was choking or dying, but instead nodding agreeably. “Good taste, strong content…perfect.”


“New home brew,” explained Mordin. “Best batch yet, large amount to. Have some.” Pulling a tarp aside, and leaving Shepard wondering precisely where he had gotten the dirty and stained sheet from, Mordin revealed a tray full of glasses.

Kasumi shimmered into view, grabbed a glass, then disappeared again in a haze of electronics. Both of them blinked at that, before deciding to ignore it. “Okay then.” Shepard took a glass before passing the tray to the rest of his curious squad mates.

Hesitantly Shepard raised the glass to his lips before taking a swallow. His eyes widened in surprise, it was some good stuff. Eagerly he took another gulp before taking a moment to savor the taste. “So, that’s what this was all about?”

Mordin nodded, the lights in the lab gradually coming back to full brightness. “Yes. Always wanted to play Mad Scientist since saw it in your media when a child. Never got the chance, STG frowns on atypical use of resources. With mission, thought this was last chance, wanted to fulfill dream.”

“I thought Mad Scientists were all about crazy cyborgs, rouge AIs, genetic monstrosities, and weird experiments, and you went with alcohol?”

Mordin nodded, setting his beaker to the side. He struck a pose that reminded Shepard of the old Superman movies, hands on hips, head through back proudly, jacket billowing behind him. Shepard had to blink at that, seeing as Mordin wasn’t moving and they were on a space ship. Then he realized EDI had turned on one of the decontamination fans to get the desired effect. “Those were too easy, for I am a Super Salarian Scientist!” Once again the thunder rolled dramatically and the lights flashed, though obviously reduced so as not to cause people to drop their drinks.

After a second Mordin dropped his pose and picked up his glass again. “Besides, did all that stuff already sometime after third attempt at brew. Second was to strong, things went fuzzy afterwards. In cage in corner.” He gestured with his free hand. “Alcohol actually harder. Had to simulate age in very short time.”

Cautiously Shepard approached the indicated corner, ready to drop his glass and draw his gun at a moment’s notice. Gently he lifted the lid of container a bare inch and peered in, only to blink in surprise. “I really should have expected something like this.” Flipping the lid off he reached in and pulled the monstrosity out.

“Mordin, you made a glorified platypus.” Granted, the thing had a red, glowing cybernetic eye, and one leg was clearly metallic, but still, it was just a platypus.

“Awwww, how cute!” Kasumi shimmered into view once again, grabbed the little animal, and whisked it over to Kelly, who immediately began cooing at it with her.

Shepard could only shake his head and take another swig of his drink.
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