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Parent Trap

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Summary: YAHF - Xander shouldn't put costumes on his parents when they are sleeping

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > Addams' Family, ThemisterqFR151220,4733930484,92227 Oct 0721 Sep 12Yes

Chapter 9

"So.. what's the what?" Xander asked Giles and his friend, Phillip. "I mean, who was that demon lady? What's Eyghon, besides one of the ghostbusters, I think. And why do you have her, his, or its mark?"

"Xander, this is a private matter. I would like it if you inquired about this no more."

The dark haired boy examined his librarian friend intensely. "All right. Fine. But just remember. My friends and I are a resource. Just call and we'll help and stuff."

Giles gave a small smile and nodded.

Xander smiled in return, "Kay, have fun catching up on old times, you two. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Rupert just raised an eyebrow.

"Well, things normal sensible people wouldn't do, in any case," Xander waved and unlocked and opened the school door, "Laters!"

***

After finishing the rest of the early evening patrol without encountering the demon lady or anything else interesting, Xander stopped by Willow's house and knocked on the door.

"Xander!" bounced the energetic redhead. "What's up?"

"Hey Willow. Just finishing up a boring patrol and your house was on the way." Xander smiled, "It's still early so i was just wondering if ya wanted to come over to my place. We can watch a movie or something."

"Sure! I can also return one of your mom's books. You'll never guess what I've been learning from her. Oh, speaking of which, how are your magic lessons going?"

"They're going; but where to, I can't tell. Most of the magic I try goes wonky."

"Wonky?"

"Yeah, I tried a levitation spell the other day and the pencil floated up and then ignited. Burned into ash in a matter of seconds."

"Really? That was the first thing I had to master." Willow said stunned. "Maybe I can help."

"Sure, Wills! That would be great. Of course, I'll have to stop by the store and pick up a few packs of pencils, but then I can see if your expertise can..."

"What do we have here?" two vampires suddenly appeared from behind a corner of a building.

"Looks like lunch to me, Steve."

Willow just smiled, "Really? 'Cause it looks like levitation practice to me, Xander."

Xander slowly grinned, "I've never tried two at once before. Let's see what happens."

***

"Guess what son? Your mother decided to give cooking another try. Isn't that wonderful?" Tony grinned at the two dust-covered teenagers and went back in the kitchen.

Xander, on the other hand, paled considerably.

"What's wrong, Xander?" asked Willow as she placed her borrowed book back on the bookshelves.

"It's my mom," Xander shuddered, "She can't cook."

Willow looked confused, "Can't cook as in not very good at it?"

"No." The boy responded. "She can't cook as in prohibited from doing so by the CDC, the Geneva convention, and several international agencies. Ever since... last time. "

"Why? What happened last time?" The redheaded girl was getting worried.

"She tried to make... tuna casserole. It was a Friday night." Xander's eyes had a haunted, shell-shocked look to them. "It took us the entire weekend to chase it down across two counties and then beat it into submission. With chainsaws. And flamethrowers. And chainsaws that were also on fire."

"Oh.."

"When the men in the bio-hazard suits took it away, I.. I think it was still alive. It was still twitching. Maybe even vowing revenge." Xander sat down on the couch and shivered at the memories.

Suddenly, there were a series of explosions from the kitchen. Xander's dad came out of the kitchen with his dark suit in tatters. "Good news! Pudding's almost ready!"

Right then, a long brown slimy tentacle shot out from the kitchen, grabbed the senior Harris by the neck, and dragged him back into the kitchen. Shouting and several more explosions were heard.

An even paler Willow turned to face Xander. "So... pizza?"

"Sounds good. Let's go. Quickly. Now." The two teenagers got up and left the house.

***

"What are you two up to?" Xander yawned as he asked Buffy and Willow the next day at the library after school.

Buffy answered casually, "Just having a quick game of 'Anywhere But Here'."

"Ooohhh. Amy Yip at the waterslide park."

"You never come up with anything new," Willow sighed.

"I'm just not fickle like you two, okay? I'm constant in my affections. Amy Yip at the waterslide park," Xander said, "the cool water glistening off her white bathing suit. I mean - white bathing suit at a waterslide park. What can I do against that? I'm a guy, damn it! I have limits! I also need to sit down quickly and not get up for a little while."

Buffy and Willow just stared at a now sitting Xander who had his eyes shut in concentration and was furiously humming 'Take me out to the ballpark'. Suddenly, a stray thought occurred to Willow. "Do you think Giles ever played 'Anywhere But Here' when he was in school?"

Xander opened his eyes and smiled, "Giles lived for school. He's actually still bitter that there are only twelve grades."

Buffy laughed, "He probably sat in math class thinking, 'There should be more math. This could be math-ier.'"

"C'mon, you don't think he ever got restless as a kid?" Willow asked.

"Are you kidding?" Buffy relied, "His diapers were tweed."

"So, what is so humorous for you three?" Giles asked the three giggling teens as he came in.

"Um, something Xander said about Amy Yip, white bathing suits, and waterslide parks." Willow quickly answered, causing a standing Xander to sit down quickly again.

"Damn you!" The boy slammed his head down on the library table. "You don't wave around kryptonite in front of superman just because his reaction amuses you."

"And with that geeky segue, what's on tap tonight that's so important? Uprising, prophesied ritual, preordained deathfest?" Buffy asked

"Ah, the old standards!" Xander said, smiling.

Giles fretted, "Um, a medical transport is delivering the monthly supply of blood to the hospital."

"Mm. Vampire Meals-On-Wheels," Buffy said, "Why can't they leave things alone. Us humans need that blood, too."

Giles nodded, "Hopefully they'll not get it. Uh, we'll meet outside the hospital at 8:30 sharp. I'll bring the weaponry."

Biffy chimed in, "I'll bring the party mix!"

"Mmm.. weaponized party mix." Xander smiled.

"Just don't be late," stated the watcher.

Buffy smiled, "Have I ever let you down?"

"Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare?"

"Just glare, please. We don't have time to waste on long lists," Xander retorted. Buffy just rolled her eyes.

***

That evening, while Buffy and Angel were staking out the blood delivery and Xander and Willow were studying both magic and computers; the body of Deidre Page was stumbling along while rapidly decomposing. Not surprisingly in a town like Sunnydale, there were few humans walking around or unconscious after dark. Unfortunately, for the demon Eyghon, there were no other options. He needed to transfer his consciousness *now* or perish. Concentrating with all his might, the infernal denizen located the nearest compatible body. And as his former form melted into goo, one block away a largish brown blob suddenly quivered and took shape.

And after Eyghon carefully examined his new body, he just had to vocalize one question, "Why the hell do I smell like pudding?"


AN: Feel free to shovel reviews into the story reactor
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