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The Parfait Spoon

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This story is No. 3 in the series "The Places She'll Go". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: All McKay seemed to be able to say was, “With a parfait spoon…with – with a parfait spoon…”

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > Faith-CenteredStrangerFR1816352145,60929 Oct 0729 Oct 07Yes
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Thank God.

When John and Elizabeth had indicated they were having a spot of bother with life-sucking aliens over in their neck of the universe, the higher-ups on Earth had been suitably upset.

Then good old General O’Neill had piped up and said, “I know, I’ll send you Faith!”

There was nothing in this statement that indicated that John’s ex would show up on a hive ship, in possession of superpowers and with naught but a sword, cut a bloody swath through the ship’s occupants, free him and his team, and then demand chocolate cake and “something strapping with boots and a side-arm” to play with the moment they were cleared from the infirmary.

It boggled the mind.

There was also the question of how she got onto the ship. When asked, she simply said, “Little D,” and then wandered of to bond with Cadman over bootleg black-powder and homemade fireworks.

When they asked General O’Neill, the answer was only a little less bewildering. “Oh, you mean Dawn? Great kid! Dorm-buddies with Cassie, last time I checked.”

But how did she get Faith onto the ship…?

“Oh, yeah. Bit wacky that. Turns out she can open portals at certain times with her blood. Got Carter and all the eggheads here in a spin trying to figure out how she does it,” he told them cheerfully.

The man had the aplomb of God.

Now here they were in the middle of an invasion, and Faith had disappeared with her sword to look for McKay and Teyla, gripping under her breath and spouting uncomplimentary things about the Wraith’s breeding.

Evidently, she and Teyla found McKay at the same time and got him to the ZPM room. When they were about as far as the commissary, they suddenly stopped responding to their radio hails. Panic ensued for about fifteen minutes, until Beckett let them know the three of them had just shown up in the infirmary.

John went to check on them himself only to find Faith helping a pale and shaken McKay onto a bed. All McKay seemed to be able to say was, “With a parfait spoon…with – with a parfait spoon…”

“What did you do?” John demanded of Faith.

She shrugged and gave him a ‘who, me?’ look. It was then that he noticed that both she and Teyla were covered in Wraith blood – again.

Oh, please no…

There was also a fine spray of it across McKay’s shirt and a smudge of it on his left cheek.

“W-with a par-parfait spoon,” he said weakly, giving Beckett a beseeching look.

“He’s in shock,” Beckett said, eyeing the bloodstains. “It’s alright, Rodney, just sit tight while Nurse Brevvie gives you something.”

McKay nodded, saying faintly, “…’fait spoon.”

“Teyla, what did she do?” John said to the Athosian.

Teyla smiled tiredly at him from her place on the end of Rodney’s bed and absently rubbed drying blood from her wrists.

“Wraith ambushed us in the commissary.”

Faith continued, “I lost my sword in the fight…”

Teyla picked up again, “…there was a wrack of cutlery on one of the tables…”

Oh, godly God.

“Parfait spoons,” Faith added, and McKay shivered beneath his blankets.

Christ on a surfboard.

“And I don’t think it would be wise to let any of the civilians near the commissary until we have had a chance to clean up,” Teyla finished.

It was with a building migraine and feeling faintly nauseas that John left the infirmary to explain the situation to Elizabeth.

On his way out, he could have sworn he heard Teyla say to Faith, “You simply must teach me how you did that with his bicep and the handle…”

AN: You asked for a sequel, so you have only yourselves to blame. Hee-hee, poor boys...

The End

You have reached the end of "The Parfait Spoon". This story is complete.

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