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Xander the Furon

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Summary: Xander dresses as an Alien from Destroy all Humans!

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Games > Sci-Fi > Destroy All HumansrothosFR1373,6161269,2519 Nov 0727 Nov 07No

Cryptosporidium 1

Disclaimer: Same as chapter 1

Xander felt cold and then had a headache of epic proportions.

Cryptosporidium-137 woke up, he wasn’t that bad as a President; then why in Arkvoodle’s name was he in a replica of Santa Modesta? Hell, maybe the Majestic agents caught up to him somehow.

Well at least he had his Zap-o-Matic, not much he would rather have his Disintegrator or the Ion Detonator but it would do. Now it was time to crack some skulls and fry some chimps until he got answers. Right then a red haired transparent chimp ran up to him; this wasn’t normal so he raised the Zap-o-Matic and let off a cautionary blast. When it sailed through the human with no effect he pressed the button to call his saucer. The disk perched on tripod legs parked itself five feet away causing many of the monsters to scatter and then come forward among them were a white-haired vampire in a leather duster.

Spike had never seen such a bleedin’ good knockoff of the UFO movies of the 50’s.

Wait, why was that alien going into the saucer? Why was it taking off? Spikes eyes widened and he booked it for a manhole cover. Just as he reached the cover he felt something burn through him. His last thought was “So that’s what the poor sods in War of the Worlds felt when they got hit.”



All of a sudden Crypto got a transmission from Orthopox-13. A hologram of his face popped up on the screen.

“Crypto, we need to find out what is going on and save all of this Furon DNA!”

“Ok Pox; tell me why we need all of this Furon DNA again?” Crypto asked.

“Simple, the Furon Race spent thousands of years wiping out inferior races with unrestricted use of nuclear arms and no longer has functional genitalia. Our clones that we use to survive have started to degrade and so we need more DNA. Now go harvest some brain stems Crypto!”



So Cryptosporidium-137 landed the saucer at 1430 Revello Drive and picked up his Zap-o-matic. He went searching around for humans and he had just drawn a bead on one big hairy thing when a cat chased by another big hairy thing passed him. Rather than deplete the charge on the Zapper he summoned the powers of his huge Furon Brain and lifted the hairy thing up off the ground and threw it. A splash could be heard and Crypto returned his attention to the hairy thing. Crypto focused and its head started to swell larger and larger until it popped and the brain on its stem landed on the ground. Crypto ran up to it and took it back to his ship for the gene pod.



A red light on the pod blinked indicating it was full, and Crypto grumbled about the low limit and took off in the saucer for the mother ship. Crypto placed the pod in the bay next to the others and took the passkey from Pox to get his Disintegrator working.



A/N: I’m breaking this here so there are at least three chapters and the reviews aren’t huge. Remember the Ministry of Fanfiction still warns about un-posted reviews.
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