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Pointy Objects Does Not Always A Dusty Vamp Make

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Summary: This is my first pure Buffy fic. Be kind. It is meant to be funny. I hope you like it. This is set in first or second season. I don’t own them, I just want to have fun with them.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Comedy > Cast: Scooby Gang(Past Donor)JamesFR71739036529 Nov 079 Nov 07Yes
Pointy Objects Does Not Always A Dusty Vamp Make
By Mr. D8a or James

Giles noticed Buffy and Xander come shuffling into the library. They looked like they had just gone ten rounds with a gorilla--or, at least Xander did. Buffy’s hair was just a little out of place, but Giles knew that for her, it was a major deal. He picked up a book, and waited for the verbal barrage to begin.

“You will not believe what just happened.” Buffy started

Playing the diligent Watcher, Giles just went “Hmm?” with a small quirk of his eyebrow, but continued to peruse the book he was holding. It was a game he played. It would never do to drop everything. Too much enthusiasm is just not the British way.

“Yeah, like totally freaky,” supplied Xander

“Totally,” agreed Buffy.

“I mean, we tried to stake them, but it wasn’t working. I mean, ‘specially after your stake got stuck in the ceiling. That was quite the kick from that vamp!”

Giles put down his book and gave them both a look of incredulity. “What do you mean, ‘we tried to stake them, but it wasn’t working’?”

Xander frowned at his favorite Brit. “As in, I plunged a pencil into the black, unbeating heart of a vamp and no dustage. All I got was an annoyed demon that wanted to rip two new holes in my body.”

“Hmm, that is most unusual… Did you happen to bring one of the pencils back with you? And how did you finally get rid of your ‘playmates’?”

Buffy smirked. “Cute, Giles. I was able to improvise with some ‘genuine African ebony letter openers’. It is amazing the lack of real wood items at Office Supply Depot.” She finished off by gently tossing a couple of the offending pencils in Giles general direction.

Giles caught them with little trouble. As he examined them, Willow and Oz came in, holding hands and looking into the other’s eyes. They were so caught up that they missed the presence of the others and started to kiss.

A harrumph from Giles and a little coughing from Xander broke them up. “Guys, come on! A little mercy for the date-challenged!”

Willow blushed and Oz looked only minorly phased. Giles saved any further comment by speaking up.

“Willow, will you get on that infernal machine of yours and find out what you can about Pretty Pointy Pencils?”

“Sure thing, Mr. Giles.” The red-headed computer geek turned to the library computer and started pecking at the keyboard.

Then Giles did something really odd. He bit into one of the pencils and chewed a bit.

Xander blinked. “Not getting enough fiber in your diet, G-man?”

Giles favored the young man with a withering glance. He spat out the pencil remains in his mouth and wiped the edges of his lips with a handkerchief. “Yes, Weetabix is a fine source of fiber, but I was testing the pencil. I believe that young Ms. Rosenberg will find that the company is using more than just wood in their pencils.

As if summoning the information, Willow eeped and then wordlessly beckoned the rest of them over. She just pointed at the screen.

Taking Point with a Pretty Pencil.

By LOLLEEN KONG - Associated Press Writer

CALIFORNIA — Sometimes the only thing you need is a pencil with a proper point to make your point. Pretty Pointy Pencils (PPP) may have what you want, especially if you are concerned with the ecology.
PPP has developed an ecologically friendly writing implement with the feel of wood, the durability of plastic, but is still biodegradable. They can’t reveal the exact combination of their product, but ten percent of the exterior is made up of recycled wood products. That is the only organic part of their pencils. The rest…

Giles stopped reading at that point. “Well, that gives us some of the answer.”

Buffy looked at her Watcher and made with questioning eyebrows.

Giles slipped into teacher mode. “It takes a certain amount of wood to kill a vampire. You wouldn’t expect a toothpick to work, now, would you?”

Several heads shook from side to side.

“Right, well, these pencils have less wood in them than your average toothpick.”

Several heads nodded in understanding.

“So, I guess this means that it really is necessary to have a backup stake handy at all times.”

The Watcher nodded his head.

The End

The End

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