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Pelt The Rabbit In His Big White Face

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Summary: (X/Over with the Mighty Boosh) London, post Chosen. Buffy is investigating bizzarre occurances of rape involving a big white bunny when she bumps into Vince Noir... (written after 12 cans of Red Bull, three tubes of Pringles, too much Boosh and no sleep!)

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > Mighty Boosh, TheTheHeartistFR1321,320131,10521 Nov 0729 Nov 07Yes

It's a terrific bunny bumming!!!

Disclaimer: Buffy belongs to Joss Whedon, and Vince Noir, Howard Moon and Naboo belong to Noel Fielding and Julien Barrett. I'm just messing about :D

A/N: Okay, after watching WAY too much Boosh and not sleeping nearly enough, this is what happens. Enjoy.


Buffy stalked the streets of Shoreditch, stake at the ready. It had been two days since the reports of sexual attacks by what appeared to be a giant bunny had started occuring in and around the area. Calculating the places of the attacks geometrically, Giles had determind the focal point of the attacks, a shop called Nabootique. She turned the corner and spotted the place across the street.

Walking across the road, she saw two men come out, one older looking guy with a moustache and the WORST taste in clothes ever, and the other kinda cute looking guy with a laidback demeneor and impeccable hair

"Wow, Cordelia would be proud..." Buffy muttered to herself as she watched the older man leave, and watched as the young man started to walk the other way, in her direction.

She approached him, and spoke up ", hey buddy, you run that store?"

"What? Na, my boss does, his name's Naboo, he's a shaman, he's dead cool," the man said with a childish grin.

"Uhhh...okay..." Buffy replied, taken aback by the man's disarmingly chilled composure, whilst at the same time trying to see a link between the attacks and the shaman he was talking about

"I'm Vince Noir, I work for Naboo. What is it you're after exactly?" the man asked her.

"Oh, I'm just...carrying out an investigation on behalf of the police," Buffy lied (albeit very poorly), trying not to spook the guy into not giving her vital infomation.

"Oh, ok, that's cool, so what is it you're after exactly?" Vince asked.

"You know anything about the attacks around this area recently?" Buffy asked him directly.

"Oh, yeah! It's all just a big game!" Vince replied enthusiastically.

"Say what?!" Buffy shot back, completely confused and almost ready to punch this guy and shop him to the cops if he was involved.

"Yeah, it's a game I invented, right, and it's called Pelt The Rabbit In His Big White Face!" Vince said grinning like an idiot.

"Okay, now I'm lost!" Buffy replied.

"Right, well, basically, you could be standing here, or over there, or by a windmill right, doesn't matter, and there's the rabbit right, and his got a massive white face like this," Vince said, gesturing with his hands and making strange gurning noises ", right, he's a proper freak, and he chases you, and you have pelt him in the face with coins, or sunflower seeds, or just just take off your chelsea boot and just take him out! Because if he catches you, he just throws you on the floor...and he just rapes you."

Buffy stood there, dumbfounded as the man ranted about what to Buffy's ears sounded like the most ludicrous idea for a game she had ever heard in her life. And she had Xander as a friend!

"Ok, how in the hell is this a game?! Rape, a game?!" Buffy shouted.

"It's not just an ordinary rape! It's a terrific bunny bumming! And that's the thing, you never know when he's gonna com-ARRIVE! He could be here in an hour, two hours, ten years, or fourteen minutes!" Vince explained.

" in the hell can he be in all these places at once? What if he's ill, or two people play at the same time?" Buffy asked, attempting to come down to his level to try and squeeze more info out of him.

"He's got a brother who looks just like him! If anything, he's the worse of the two, he's more powerful and vigourous," Vince said, simulating what she assumed to be a rabbit rape as he said the word 'vigorous'," you can never get away from him, if it's his brother, you may as well just sit down."

Okay, this guy is has more than a few screws loose...Buffy thought, ready to leap into action and floor this guy.

Just as she began to ball his fists, a massive siren blared from seemingly nowhere.

"Ah, that's him, run!" Vince yelled, taking off into a sprint directly past Buffy.

What in the hell...Buffy barely had time to think, before a giant bunny rounded the corner, headed straight for her.

She calmly raised her stake, and threw it at the bunny, nailing it in the forehead and downing him in one go.

Vince came up behind her, panting, before smiling and saying ", oh you was his brother and everything!"


As always, comments please, but of the constructive kind!
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