Title: A Kiddie Problem in an Adult World
Spoilers: Kind of for the whole show but just based on Buffy's relationships.
Summary: Dean has a little problem that has the whole gang in a panic... ONE SHOT.
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! Don’t sue me!
A/N: I didn’t mean to but I guess the timing is early season 7 of Buffy. Giles and Willow are in England and Anya is still pissed off at Xander hence their absence.
“Ow! Damnit woman! There’s no need to pull!” Tense in his seat, Dean clutched at the arms of the chair ready to break off the already worn wood.
“If you would stop squirming like a 5 year old on a sugar rush, I wouldn’t have to!”Buffy huffed.
Keeping her distance on the other side of the room, Dawn remained close enough so as to check where Buffy might not. Startlingly blue eyes glanced to the kitchen of which Xander was coming out of with a bowl of popcorn in hand.
Reaching the side of the closest thing he had to a little sister, Xander kept his eyes on Buffy and Dean and asked Dawn “Did I miss anything?”
“Nothing yet. Sam already went out to get the stuff just in case but he and Faith haven’t got back yet.” Dawn replied giving him a pointed look.
“I’m sure good ole Mr. I’m-too-good-for-a-haircut can read the label without any help...” He slammed a handful of popcorn in his mouth none too gracefully.
“What’s your problem with Sam and Dean anyways? You’ve been really bitchy since they came.” She whispered not wanting Dean or Buffy to overhear their conversation.
With his mouth still slightly full, Xander took a moment to chew half of the contents to reply, “Oh NO you didn’t! Well... maybe I have a LITTLE...” At Dawn’s incredulous look, “Okay, they just pop out of nowhere CLAIMING they’re hunters and here to help? I mean come on! Like they weren’t even THINKING that was gonna work...”
Dawn turned to him with hands flapping trying to make him lower his voice. With a scoff, she dragged him to the kitchen.
“You think the whole, ‘we’re demon hunters and we need help from the slayer to catch this demon we’ve been hunting our whole life’ was a way to get into Buffy and Faith’s pants?” Dawn accused, disbelief dripping from her voice.
“Wow! SO didn’t need to go there but... yeah. I bet they worked on it in the car... so lame...” he shoved more popcorn in his mouth as he walked around the counter.
“Xander... is there something you’re not telling me?” She tried to remain casual but there was a slight tone of concern. She leaned her elbows on the little island in the kitchen, giving her full attention to the man opposite her.
“It’s just... how do I put this? These guys come in with their guns and trunk full of weapons and knowledge of what’s really out there. I mean, how do we know that they are telling the truth?”
With a shrug of her shoulders, Dawn answered with confidence. “Buffy trusts them.”
“She liked Dean and I don’t mean like a brother. Her judgment’s skewed...”
Unaware of Dawn’s silent scrutinization, he continued eating his popcorn.
“He’s not another Angel, Xander...” she whispered.
“How do we know that?” His brown eyes pierced her blue ones looking for hints of hesitation.
“Well, for one? He’s human.”
“Not all humans are great people Dawnie. Even with a soul...”
“You liked Riley.” She countered.
“Because Riley couldn’t hurt Buffy the way Angel did. Yeah he hurt her big time but he couldn’t kill a part of her the way deadboy did. She changed after he left...” Xander noticed Dawn’s eyes slightly tear up.
Angel’s leaving hurt Buffy most but Dawn felt the little trust she had within men leave the same day he did. Angel loved Buffy, but not enough to work around it. Not enough to give her a chance in the decision making. Riley was nice but needed from Buffy what she wasn’t and couldn’t give him. Nothing could really be said about Spike himself.
Spike did care for her even when he didn’t have a soul. His love for her was real. But at this point, Buffy was too far into herself to give Spike what he needed or deserved. Riley was a trial experience to show that Buffy could have an all around nice guy; something very different from Angel. Spike was there when no one else was. He felt close to what Angel couldn’t do. It was all still about Angel and the damage he’s done.
Dean, however, gave hope.
Dawn couldn’t let that go no matter how often love seemed to just kill what was left of the person. She was naturally sarcastic and sardonic but hey, she still had a whole life ahead of her to prove her wrong.
“She seems happier...” Dawn’s reverie broke and she looked up to Xander’s carefully neutral face in surprise. “But it’s gonna hurt her that much more when he leaves...”
“Have a little faith, Xand.” She said softly, lips curling slightly at the Scoobies inside joke.
He smiled back softly, improving his mood somewhat. Coming around the island, he wrapped his arm around Dawn’s shoulders leading her back into the living room with the still bickering couple.“Too late for that.” He replied, eyebrows wiggling suggestively.
“Gross.” Playfully hitting his shoulder and giggling, Dawn turned her attention back to the Dean and Buffy then paused, thinking she saw something. Her eyes widened like saucers as she screeched, “Buffy!”
Buffy’s head whip flashed to the direction of Dawn’s high pitch scream then followed the direction of her sister’s eye sight to her hand. Not being able to help her reaction, she shrieked brushing at her hand frantically, then smashed her foot on the rug, shaking it back and forth for good measure.
Xander could only assume that whatever his eyes had missed, Buffy and Dawn found their suspicions confirmed.
At Dawn’s shriek, Dean already twisted in his chair to get a look at his girlfriend flinching away from his head.Eyes darting back and forth to Buffy and Dawn, Dean growled, “Aww HELL NO!” and he bolted from his chair in a most ungraceful manner, rushing to the door.
“Dean! Where are you going!?” Buffy called out to him as he slammed the door open not caring to close it behind him.
Dawn and Xander shared a confused look, and then rushed with Buffy outside to see what it was Dean planned to do. The sight, however, was slightly unnerving since Dean ran about the front lawn rubbing at his head, shaking it at the ground, and scratching incessantly behind his ears. To say that Dean looked like a crazy person, was putting it lightly.
With a sigh, Dawn tried to be careful in not standing too close to her sister as she asked, “What now?”
With a shrug, Buffy replied flatly “We burn everything he’s ever touched.”
“I second that motion.” Xander couldn’t help being amused by the situation. Since Dean walked through the Summers’ door looking and acting the definition of alpha male, whatever was left of Xander’s manly pride puffed down. This little incident however, made his week.
“I can’t believe Dean has lice... I thought only little kids got em!” Dawn involuntarily shivered with revulsion.
Without much thought to it, a ticklish sensation occurred at the top of Dawn’s head. Like any normal person would, she quietly scratched the spot then paused mid stroke to find both Xander and Buffy staring at her. Her eyes widened and flicked back and forth between the two of them as realization kicked in. She screeched in disgust and joined Dean outside running fingers hysterically through her hair and bending over so as to swipe away at whatever could be crawling around on the nape of her neck.
Seeing Dawn scratching at her neck as well, Dean frantically threw the jacket off himself, dropping it to the ground in order to take his t-shirt off to shake the critters out. His scalp, now more sensitive because of the paranoia, felt areas of activity. Without caring that he might make himself bleed, he dug his fingernails into his head trying to both satisfy the irritation and scrape the ticks away.
That was how Sam and Faith found the situation as they rolled in to a stop in front of the Summers’ home. The erratic behavior of Dawn and the now shirtless crazy-looking Dean caused Sam and Faith to rush out of the car only to stop and stare, mouth agape in shock on the sidewalk.
Sam NEVER saw Dean looking as bizarre as he did now. Sure Dean did stupid stuff but it was mostly out of careless behavior; it was never coming from a complete lack of knowledge at his surroundings and demeanor. Sam knew that if Dean knew how he looked like right now, he would have hidden in some bar five states away to hide from the embarrassment.
And Dawn? Well... the teenage girl in her certainly came out as she kept on shrieking in disgust.
“Wow... I wonder what the neighbors must be thinking...” Sam whispered in both shock and awe. Only gone for ten minutes, and there was already chaos.
Faith snickered. “Well you know what we gotta do now...”
“Head back to the pharmacy?” He turned to look at her.
“Burn the house down.” Faith shot back. A smirk crawled across her lips. “Which is a shame... after all the hell it went through and to just end it here...”
Both shared a smile and a chuckle, which then quickly turned into the kind of laughter that made you clutch your stomach. Unaware of his demeanor, Dean yelped in the most degradingly feminine fashion that anyone with luck to be in the proximity, wouldn’t let him live down.
On his hand were four live nicks still crawling around.
Dawn, being the closest so as to see the horrific image clearly, screamed so loud that everyone had to cover the ears. In short time, any dogs that lived on the street were soon barking and howling with enthusiasm just to try and make this glass shattering sound to end.