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Learning to F---!

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Summary: Spike is teaching Dawn, and Buffy's not too happy.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Comedy > Cast: Scooby GangabelieverFR151338081,8603 Dec 073 Dec 07Yes
Learning to F---

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for a pair of pants that has been patched and stitched back together so many times that the original material is gone and the pants are constructed of nothing but patches. Sad, but true.

Author’s note: I blame the multiple medicines that I’m on. Stupid allergies/sinus infections/ear infections/exhaustion. Anything that you don’t like, please feel free to review and tell me why. I'll probably either edit or erase once I'm done with this semester, so now's your chance.

********Cleveland, 2007********

As Buffy made her way around the cemetery, she heard noises come from a nearby crypt.

She crept closer to the crypt, evening out her breathing and softening her footsteps until she was no longer detectable by ear. The black leather she wore helped her to blend into the shadows.

“Harder, Dawn, harder! Push, that’s it, keep pushing!”

“It’s so hard, Spike!”

“I know, Nibblet, but your sister will kill me if she finds out. That’s why we have to do it here.”

“I’m pushing as hard as I can!”

“That’s it. Just keep pushing, a little to the right, a little to the right! That’s it- it’s nearly in! Harder! Harder! Harder, Nibblet! Make sure you get it in the hole! Harder! Perfect!” Spike roared.

Buffy blanched as the evil thoughts came to her head. Her sister and her ex? What was it with Summers women and vampires anyway? Xander’s going to have a heart attack and Giles is going to rub a hole in his glasses when he finds out. Wait, hole? What are they doing? They had better not be… why is Dawn out of breath? Is that moaning?

“Spike, that felt incredible! I can’t believe I’ve waited all these years! You’re right. Buffy would kill you if she found out that you were teaching my how to f--“

Buffy barged in at that.


Dawn and Spike stopped in shock and stared at the slayer. Dawn quickly hid something behind her back as she saw her sister’s outraged face.

“Buffy? What are you doing here?”

“Dawnie, come on. You don’t need to be sleeping with a vampire. It just leads to badness. Trust me.”

“Sleeping with… you mean Spike? EEEEEWWWW! He’s like my big brother!”

“Now Nibblet, no need to get nasty,” Spike replied.

Buffy was confused.

“But if you’re not sleeping together, then…what?”

Dawn pulled the fishing pole from behind her back.

“He’s just teaching me how to fish!”

The End

You have reached the end of "Learning to F---!". This story is complete.

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