Disclaimer: Bones goes to some high muckety-muck that is not me; all things BtVS and AtS go to some other high muckety-muck, who again, is not me.
Author’s Note: Got to thinking about this one day, and this scene just popped into my head.
22-Dec: spelling of "Shanshu" has been fixed. Thanks!
--London Headquarters, New Slayers and Watchers--
“Just so I can be sure that I’ve got this straight, let’s run through it again.”
“Ok. First, the Prophecy of the Shanshu. It promises that Angel will be turned into a human at the end of his work, in reward for all the work he’s done.”
“Got that. And the final battle in the streets of LA?”
“Four warriors of light walked into it. None walked out. Gunn had a fatal belly wound; he shouldn’t have lasted five minutes. He lasted fifteen, and was struck from behind while taking out the three Polgara demons in front of him. Spike caught a crossbow bolt right through the heart – actually the sixteenth bolt to hit him somewhere on his body, just as he finished killing the band of Fyarl he’d tackled – I’m told that there were at least a dozen.
“Illyria slaughtered a third of the army all her own, even managed to bring down the dragon that the Senior Partners had sent along. But her shell couldn’t handle such an involved battle, and eventually failed. The blast took out at least two hundred demons.
“Which left Angel the lone good guy on that field. Just shy of half the army was dead, enough were wounded to bump the total to just over half, but the rest were completely untouched. Which is when it happened.”
“Angel took a bolt right through the heart.”
“The shaft was made of acacia wood, which does beg the question of just who was handling the crossbow; that species of wood has long been associated with purity. Personally, I think that a human servant was hidden nearby. These demons were straight from the Pits; one of them trying to handle an acacia shaft … well, just think vampires and sunlight and we’ll leave it at that.”
“But that wasn’t the end? I mean, come on, wood through the heart, vamp is dust on the wind, let your hair down and go party!”
“Yeah, it’s always been that way. Until that moment. With a shaft of holy wood through his heart, Mr. Broods-a-lot took out all but one demon in that army all on his own. And trust me, every last bit that anyone can spare is desperately trying to figure out how Angel did it. The last demon was a type that we haven’t seen outside the Pits for six thousand years; it doesn’t even have a species name that you could understand. The only way to kill one of them is to mutilate their brains, which are in the same place as a human’s. Angel tore its head off, tossed the body into a fire where it burned to ash, and dropped the head in the middle of the road with a message for the Senior Partners.
“He said, ‘Congratulations. You’ve killed my family. Now, I’m going to go bury what I can. But you’ve also pissed me off. Get out of my city before tomorrow night. I catch word one that Wolfram and Hart are still nosing around my city, and forget waiting for the End of Days. I’ll storm their place of power that moment.’
“Angel turned and walked away, pulling out the broken remains of the shaft and dropping it as he went. I’m told that it was very carefully brought before the Senior Partners to prove that it was indeed wood that Angel had removed from his own heart. What they don’t know is that two seconds after Angel was out of the head’s sight, he dusted.”
“But they gave him Shanshu anyway.”
“The Senior Partners dispatched half their standing army to destroy Angel and his group. The only one that returned is useless as a fighter since the destruction of its body, and word of Angel’s ultimatum has already spread throughout all the planes, along with the little fact that said speech was delivered while a shaft of acacia was punched clean through his unbeating heart.
“Angel had signed away the Shanshu, yes, and the Powers were about to just let it be when the Word came down from above.”
“Above the Powers?!”
“Yeah, they’re not the top-most dogs up there. The Word was that Angel was to get his human life back anyway. Only, we ran into two snags.
“First was that Angel had so subsumed the identity of good guy with a dark past that if we put him back on earth without having a history of taking life, we’d shortly be dealing with a purely human version of Angelus. Very bad, and the Word was that giving him his reward only to have him trying to figure out what was missing and landing him in a place he’d never crawl out of again was *not going to happen.*
“Second problem was that fighting the good fight had also become so deeply engrained that he’d eventually find out about the supernatural unless he was distracted by something else.”
“So you worked a little time manipulation, grew up this Scully—”
“—Seeley, made him an Army Ranger Sniper who ended up in the FBI working with some chick named “Bones” of all things solving murders.”
“So for the last time, Whistler, why the hell are you bothering telling me all this?”
“Buffy, they have a murder victim who was mauled by a werewolf. Since lycanthropy is magical, the DNA remains unchanged and they are hot on the trail of a guy who changes forms as easily as your old pal Oz. And while some other parts of Angel got carried over to Seeley – he’s stronger than he should be, and is very good at reading body language – he’s no match for a werewolf. And since your new version of the Council has no one in DC and you're the name that was passed through channels, and Seeley's going to be able to read your reactions to him the instant you hit town, I thought you deserved a heads up.”
“Fuck you, Whistler.”
“Your welcome, Buffy. Have fun!”
Postnote: Like I said, got to thinking one day, and this scene started beating on my eyeballs from the inside. So here it is. Hope you enjoyed!
5 April 08 - edited slightly to clarify. Somehow, I gave it a London setting when Buffy was in DC in my head. Fixed so she's going there.