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Looking Deeper

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Summary: SpikeAndrew slash, smut in a way. Scene extention for Touched. In the time alone Andrew shares some doubts and Spike changes his perspective.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Romance > Andrew/SpikeRivuletFR1513,6741393521 Dec 0721 Dec 07Yes
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Buffy, not my toy box I’m merely playing. I also don’t own anything to do with Star Wars or Star Trek, but I did make references at one point.

Spoilers: This is a scene extension for that scene in Touched when Andrew and Spike are stuck in the monastery. The italicized words are Spike quotes. The first quote is from “Out of Mind” and the second is from “Becoming pt 1”

Note: Obviously since this is Spike/Andrew this is male slash, if you have a problem with that please don’t read. Also Andrew's rant might be offensive so I apologize ahead of time, though I think it works for his char and I wanted to explore some of his issues.

Looking Deeper:

Andrew meant nothing to Spike. He was the annoying geek guy who merely took up space at Buffy’s house. He was also the person Spike was forced to spend his daylight hours with. Damn Giles for his suggestion. Probably thought we’d kill each other or I’d kill him, Spike thought.

Andrew was bored, bored, bored. Somehow he was more than Episode I bored. He was sure Spike wouldn’t go along with the game he’d thought up, but he was going to try anyway. He had to stay upbeat and positive because Spike obviously wasn’t going to. Someone had to be moral-guy and if it had to be him then so be it. He’d be like Neelix, only less annoying and better dressed.

Andrew’s smile had this strange child-like quality to it that in some ways reminded Spike of Dru. Why did he have to come to Sunnydale in the first place? If he hadn’t had to bring Dru here for her cure they could both be happy and together. He’d be soulless and in less pain. Spike scowled and wallowed. His soul hurt and his mind was overactive and worried about Buffy.

“I spy with my little eye,” Andrew ventured, “something that begins with a T.”

“Tapestry,” Spike told the boy letting his irritation with the situation flow out in his tone.

“Hey good one,” Andrew praised with that irksome smile, “How did…”

Spike cut him off, his irritation reaching its peak, “Tapestry is the only thing in the whole bloody room.”

Harmony is it a soddin’ bread box?

For half a second Andrew contemplated giving up, but he couldn’t, not when he was this bored.

“Ahh,” Andrew sighed as he turned on his back, “so say you. I say look deeper.”

Spike had had enough!

“I’ll look deep into your jugular is what I’ll look at,” Spike threatened hoping against hope that Andrew would be scared silent.

“Don’t spaz out!” Andrew scolded.

“I’m not,” Spike started before realizing he was defending himself. He shouldn’t need to defend himself, especially not to Andrew.

“Don’t say another word,” Spike finished sending Andrew a glare. If Andrew noticed he didn’t show it. Andrew raised his hands, but they didn’t occupy him for long.

Abruptly he turned back onto his stomach and asked hopefully, “Rock, paper, scissors?”

Was he ever going to shut up? Was this ever going to end? Spike was at his wits end. How could one person be so thick?

“What’s the matter with you?” Spike exclaimed, “Don’t you understand what’s happening?”

“Ahh yeah,” Andrew told him in his best ‘I so know what I’m talking about tone’, then he explained, “We’re waiting till its night again so you can ride on your motorcycle without exploding.”

How did Andrew mange to sing some of his words and come off as endearing not stupid? Spike pushed the thought out of his head. He had bigger Buffy things he needed to focus on. He decided that letting Andrew know this was the only course of action, “And every minute we’re stuck here the Slayer’s out there facing hell knows what.”

“Come on,” Andrew reassured, “What’s the worst that could happen to her?”

Spike gave Andrew a look that spoke everything he was thinking and Andrew suddenly understood how dire their current situation was for Spike. For a moment he was worried, the world is going to end kinda worried, then he wasn’t.

“You can’t think like that,” he scolded, “Thinking like that will only make our time here go slower.”

There was that sing-song thing again. Also Andrew did have a point, but Spike wasn’t about to admit that.

“Sod off,” he declared as he turned against the wall and leaned into it. He scowled, that position was even less comfortable then leaning against the wall.

“You’re making this super boring,” Andrew whined as he got to his feet.

“You want some cheese with that?” Spike snapped.

Andrew turned and blinked at him confused, “You have cheese?”

“With your whine you idiot. It’s an expression,” Spike told him and grimaced as he realize he had finished in a sing-song way.

Someone wasn’t worthy.

Andrew wrinkled his nose in confusion as he thought about it, “Cheese with my whine? Oh wine! Hey that was good. See you…”

“Leave. Me. Alone,” Spike cut off and after a moment added, “before I decided I’m hungry and you’re too annoying to live.”

Andrew actually looked hurt for a moment and Spike’s soul gave an irritable twinge. He contemplated apologizing but decided that would lower him in Andrew’s eyes and he didn’t really need that.

Andrew sighed. Spike although he was good looking was also a terrible bore and rude too. Worst yet his legs had fallen asleep, so he jumped up and down to get rid of the tingles.

“Hey,” Spike protested, “No hoppin’ about. You’re ruining my…”

“Moping?” Andrew supplied as he looked around.

“I do not mope,” Spike protested.

“So say you, I’m bored.”

“Then look deeper.”

“I…huh?”

“T, look deeper,” Spike instructed hoping that it would keep Andrew occupied for more than a moment.

Andrew frowned as he glanced about. Suddenly he turned to Spike with a smile, “Throttle, because you want to throttle me.”

“That’s not in the room,” Spike informed him dryly.

A look of concentration took over Andrew’s face and Spike scolded himself for finding it endearing. He blamed it on being locked inside the monastery with Andrew for too long. His mind was obviously becoming warped. Maybe he could blame it on his soul. His soul could be the blame for a lot of things. Worst yet it was aching in his head adding to his irritability.

“Thumbs!” Andrew said suddenly looking proud of himself, “We both have thumbs.”

Spike sighed. He pushed his back against the wall again and regarded Andrew. Idly he wondered if being locked up all day with the boy would make him stake himself. How was he going to survive till night? Andrew was childish in a cute peculiar way and he got on Spike’s nerves. The boy pushed buttons without realizing he was pushing buttons.

“Trench-coat,” Andrew continued, “Hey, can I wear your coat?”

“Will you shut up?” Spike bargained as he stood.

“Probably not.”

With a mild hope Spike threw the coat at Andrew. Maybe if he was lucky it would keep him occupied. Andrew, for his part, was delighted as he put the coat on. As soon as he managed it he turned to give Spike a smile. Upon seeing Andrew in his coat Spike suppressed the choking reaction he had. No one, absolutely no one, was suppose to look better in that coat then him, but there was Andrew standing before him suddenly looking very edible. Spike smirked as a way to pass the day started to blossom in his brain.

“What?” Andrew asked nervously as he registered a strange look in Spike’s eye. He became more nervous as Spike stalked towards him. His whole stomach was crazy dancing butterflies.

“Think I just figured somethin’ out,” Spike told him.

“And what’s that?” Andrew asked more nervously as he took a few steps back.

Spike grabbed his coat and used it to pull Andrew to him, “You’re gay.”

“Am not!” Andrew protested as he pulled his arms out of the sleeves of the coat and swiftly ducked away from Spike.

Whimpering he moved away as he reinforced his earlier statement, “I am so not gay.”

Spike frowned, he’d been so sure, “Then how come you’re always making comments like you do?”

“I…I…” Andrew protested as his back hit the wall. He let out a squeak. He felt as though he would start to hyperventilate.

“And how come you’re always checking out Xander and me?” Spike asked as he stalked closer.

“I do not.”

“Yes,” Spike told him slowly his smirk taking over his whole face, “you do.”

“I’m not that obvious,” Andrew protested.

Spike was now certain he was correct. He took one finial step closer and leaned in towards Andrew still smirking.

Andrew shifted uncomfortably his eyes traveling back and forth from Spike’s eyes to Spike’s lips. It felt like Spike was leaning in to kiss him. That would be nice, Spike kissage, part of him said. The other part of him was panicking and he gave into that part.

“Bubble!” Andrew protested.

Confused Spike stepped back from Andrew. Andrew took the opportunity to side step away as he explained, “You’re all inside my bubble.”

Spike tilted his head confused and frowned.

Andrew sighed and explained, “My personal space.”

“Fine,” Spike grumbled as he pushed himself into his old spot on the floor, “If you don’t wanna that’s fine. Just thought I’d make our day go faster. It’s not like I can sleep what with the worry and all. Besides if I did, you’d probably try to stake me.”

Andrew frowned. Spike was practically pouting. Did vampires pout? Confused he asked, “Stake you?”

“In my sleep. Do I have to explain everything?”

“No,” Andrew protested before frowning, “You wanna, with me?”

Spike sighed and rolled his eyes, “Would I have brought it up if I didn’t?”

Andrew screwed up his courage as well as his face as he ventured to asked, “But you, you’re…are you bi?”

“I’m a vampire.”

“Oh.”

“Yea oh, just forget it.”

“I thought you liked Buffy?”

“I thought we were going to forget this.”

Andrew frowned again. He didn’t want to forget about it. He’d almost had Spike kissage and he wanted to know why.

“Can’t,” he told Spike simply before repeating his question, “I thought you liked Buffy?”

“I do, trouble is she doesn’t seem to be liking me. I’m stuck here all day with you. I thought to keep us occupied, but since you’re not gay or bi guess we can’t have any of that now can we?”

Andrew heart was drumming in his ears and his stomach butterflies had turned to bats. The thought that he could have Spike kissage was slowly filling him with want. He couldn’t though, he’d made a solemn swear to himself. He couldn’t go back against that, could he?

“I..I’m not gay,” Andrew whimpered as he felt his few barriers being torn away, “I won’t let myself be. I-I’d rather not let myself be because be-being gay…”

His mind was screaming for him to shut up. His heart was drumming louder in his ears and his stomach bats wouldn’t stop flapping. He couldn’t seem to stop himself, “Being gay means your parents look at you with that strange look. They say their accepting, but you can see all the ‘what did we do wrong’ in their eyes. Then they reassur e you that they really don’t have a problem with it, but don’t tell anyone ‘cause it might affect your brother if kids at school were to know. Trouble is your brother knows. Maybe somebody’s brother wouldn’t have had a problem, but not Tucker.”

Spike stared up at Andrew and for once in his unlife he had no words. He sat there quietly and let Andrew talk and vent. It made his soul ache.

“No, not Tucker. Tucker has to tell me that I-I’m a..an…and,” Andrew broke off for only a moment.

Andrew wanted to stop, but it seemed one he had started everything was just flowing out of him, “He makes sure you don’t have any friends, that you get picked on. Then you get out of school and you make friends. It’s all so good and you can’t really protest anything cause you don’t want to go back to the not having friends. So you betray one of your friends to keep the other cause at least you still got the one you’re attracted to and the other seemed like he was ready to break away anyway. But it’s all lies and there’s death and fear. So you leave, with the other friend the one you were ready to give up. He becomes your best friend. Then you get manipulated and you do awf-awful things more awful then…then…”

Andrew felt himself choking up. He’d rarely really voiced any of the things he was talking about, it’d all stayed locked up inside him. He barely managed to whisper, “So then you kill your best friend and the whole worlds upside down and…and see that’s what being gay did to me? It’s painful and…and I did bad awful things. So I swear to myself that I wouldn’t be. That no one knows and no one need know. Because being gay is -is…well you see what I did? No more hurting anyone! No more being manipulated! No more being gay!”

Andrew finished with a sob. He swayed feeling defeated. He wrapped his arms around himself and just stood there. He’d let it all out and it didn’t make him feel any better only worse.

It took Spike a moment to get his barring. He’d have never guessed Andrew was in such inner turmoil. The words seemed to hit him slowly. As soon as they had sunk in he was on his feet. He wasn’t standing for this. He really couldn’t stand it, not when it was making his soul hurt the way it was. Andrew was standing their hugging himself, shaking and looking as though he could teeter over at any moment. The whole thing was making his soul ache harder, he’d be in for a migraine worse then the chip if it didn’t stop.

As Spike got to his feet he grabbed his coat from where they’d let it fall to the floor. He wrapped it around Andrew. He wanted to say something, but what was there to say? He was a vampire, not the most trustworthy person to go to for advice.

“Well maybe that’s not so,” he somehow managed lamely. He couldn’t even begin to believe the lameness of his words. So he settled for quiet as he lifted Andrew’s chin up so that he could look at him. He used his thumbs to wipe away the tears. Andrew didn’t say anything, he couldn’t really form words at the moment. He just looked up at Spike with trust.

It shocked Spike to have someone looking at him with that amount of trust. No one had ever really trusted him. Sure Buffy did lately, but she had never looked at him with that amount of trust. Maybe that was Andrew’s problem, perhaps he was just too naïve, too trusting.

As Spike pulled his hands away from him he paused to run his thumb across Andrew’s lips. He didn’t say anything as Andrew shuddered slightly, but didn’t move away.

Finally Spike found words, “Bit mixed up aren’t we? Not really being gay that got you messed up. Warren could have just as easily been a girl and manipulated you. Love…”

Spike frowned, “Well it makes do crazy things sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you stop doing it, stop loving. You just have to be more careful is all. Didn’t feel wrong to love Warren, did it?”

Andrew averted his eyes. Slowly after a moment he managed to shake his head ‘no’.

“But look at what I did?” Andrew whispered fresh tears coming to his eyes.

“Didn’t ask you if what you did felt wrong I asked you if it felt wrong to love Warren?”

“No,” Andrew answered gloomily as he swiped at the tears streaming down his face. He stared at the floor unable to look up.

“Then it wasn’t.”

“But it was,” Andrew whispered, “Look what I did to Jonathan.”

“Did killing your friend feel right?”

“No,” Andrew choked with another sob.

Spike pulled Andrew to him then, cutting off his sob with a brief kiss. As he pulled away he asked, “Did that feel wrong?”

Andrew looked puzzled. He blinked at Spike for a moment shocked. Spike wanted to sigh and move away, but he forced himself not to. Instead he waited on Andrew to answer his question.

Andrew’s voice quavered, “I-I um I was a little distracted and…”

Spike pulled Andrew into another kiss a bit longer then the first before he pulled away and asked, “Did that?”

“No,” Andrew responded quietly before he asked, “Are you going to manipulate me?”

Spike froze, “What do you mean?”

Andrew frowned, “You just…well I felt right about Warren and now you’re all…”

“No,” Spike said slowly, “I am not manipulating anything. Not that I couldn’t if I wanted to mind you.”

“Oh”

They stared at each other awkwardly.

“Well s-so I’m gay and that’s okay,” Andrew started before he paused and gave Spike a grin, “ So no more being manipulated, gonna stand up for myself and be strong like…”

Spike cut him off with a kiss, “Don’t really want to hear the references pet.”

Andrew licked his lips, “You taste nice.”

Spike smirked.

“I-I’m not sure we should do this though. I mean you all like Buffy and even if you got into me I’m probably not going to live through this so I’m not sure starting something with you is a good idea,” Andrew told him in a rush.

Spike wanted to tell Andrew that he was wrong, that he’d probably live, but how was he suppose to argue with the obvious?

“Not really looking to like you,” Spike settled on saying, “I’m just trying to pass the time.”

“Oh,” Andrew told him as he blinked at him taking in that bit of information before warring with himself over it. Did he deserve to have something nice after what he’d done? He wanted to think he did, but he wasn’t sure if he deserved to do anything with Spike. He felt so very confused.

“How bout we play a game then?” Spike suggested.

“A game?” Andrew inquired with a bit of a shudder. Those damn stomach bats were back.

“Yeah,” Spike told him as he leaned into whisper in his ear, “How bouts we play a little game. I do something and you tell me when to stop. That okay with you?”

“That sounds reasonable,” Andrew managed before Spike pulled him into a kiss.

Andrew’s mouth tasted salty from his tears, but sweet in a way that Spike didn’t recognize. Spike really wasn’t going to think on the sweetness though, instead he was going to pull away and tease Andrew a bit. He wanted to see how far he could take this little game. He pulled away and asked Andrew if he wanted him to stop.

“No. I…you’re manipulating me.”

“Well yeah.”

Andrew blinked up at Spike, wanting, lusting, but hesitant. He found himself whispering, “Maybe I want to be manipulated.”

Spike didn’t say anything, just kissed him quickly before moving to his jaw and kissing his way to Andrew’s neck. He ran his tongue over Andrew’s pulse point. When the young man responded with a whimper he asked quietly into his ear, “Want me to stop?”

Andrew slowly shook his head ‘no’ before whispering it. He wanted this, he didn’t care that he didn’t deserve it. He was going to die soon and that left him needing. He decided right then and there to take this as far as Spike was willing to go.

Spike smirk before telling him slowly, teasingly, “You like that don’t you, someone wanting you. You…”

“Less talk, more playing,” Andrew told him through half closed eyes before getting nervous and glancing at Spike. Spike smirked before he kissed Andrew’s lips again pushing his tongue inside and moaning himself when Andrew responded by sucking on it, hard. Spike pushed down into the kiss, as he ran his hands down Andrew’s arms and contemplated asking if Andrew wanted to stop. Tease the boy once more.

It was right about then that Spike’s back hit the nearest wall. He’d been vaguely aware that Andrew was propelling them towards it and he had given to that motion with every intent of turning them around. He wanted to be in charge of this whole little ga…his mind spun.

He hadn’t counted on Andrew getting aggressive and pressing him into the wall. He groaned when Andrew pushed towards him and sucked his lower lip into his mouth. He was shocked when Andrew used that to his advantage to get his tongue into his mouth. Spike moaned, this was getting out of control fast and he wasn’t sure he wanted to stop Andrew and get back to his stupid notion of this being game.

Spike’s perception quickly became a tangle of lips, tongues, and hands mixed with moans which he didn’t want to pull away from. Part of him wanted to just give in and let the whole world slip away while another part of him struggled for control. He wanted, had, to be in control here.

Using one hand to hold onto Andrew and the other to get the leverage he needed Spike turned them without breaking their kiss. He pushed Andrew into the wall, as he moved his hands across the young man’s stomach before he pulled away.

Spike panted a moment feeling the unnecessary need to catch his breath, “So you want to sto…”

“Kiss,” Andrew told him before he put his hands behind Spike’s neck, effectively cutting of the vampire’s words with his mouth. Spike complied. As far as he was concerned Andrew could have, should have, anything he wanted.

The End

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