Xander of the River

Disclaimer: the characters in this story do not belong to me, but are being used for amusement only and all rights remain with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Matt Groening and David X. Cohen, the writers of the original episodes, and the TV and production companies responsible for the original television shows. BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER ©2002 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. All Rights Reserved. The ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ trademark is used without express permission from Fox. ‘Futurama’ TM and copyright FOX, its related entities and the Curiosity Company. The ‘Futurama’ trademark is used without express permission from Fox. All rights reserved.

Xander of the River
Xander hung on to the wildebeest’s mane, gritted his teeth, and tried not to think about crocodiles. It wasn’t the way of crossing the Mara River that he would have chosen if there had been any other viable alternative. With a mob of angry Maasai Moran at his heels, waving their long-bladed spears and baying for the blood of the pair of ilmeet who had committed a gross cultural indiscretion, joining the wildebeest migration had been the only available means of escape.

“My wildebeest is getting tired,” Andrew wailed from behind him. “I don’t think it’s gonna make it across the river, Xander. You’re gonna have to give me a tow.”

Xander rolled his eye. “Like hell, Andrew. It’s your fault that we’re in this mess anyway. My wildebeest isn’t in great shape either. If I give you a tow you’ll drag us both down.”

“But it’s sinking, Xander,” Andrew whined. “You have to help me.”

Xander spotted a flat piece of wood floating on the surface of the water. He steered his wildebeest to within reach of the wood, seized it, and passed it across to the other man. “Here,” he told Andrew. “Use this. Paddle your own gnu.”