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Some Things Never Change

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Summary: There's a reason so many of Willow's spells go wrong. (For Leon Brocard of the London Perl User's Group)

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Cartoons > Looney ToonsEricJablowFR715780390925 Dec 0725 Dec 07Yes
The characters of Willow, Tara, Xander, Giles, and Spike, and the town of Sunnydale are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox Studios, and the WB network. No infringement is intended. Otherwise, this is copyright 2001 by Eric Jablow. Spoilers for Blood Ties. The story is set at its end.

Did anyone notice how cartoonish Glory's fall was? She ends up in midair, looks down, and only then begins to fall. And why do Willow's spells often go wrong? Here's why.

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After Buffy and Dawn walked out of the lab, the rest of the gang tried to get up and leave the wrecked room. Xander got up groaning and holding his still casted arm. Giles and Tara tried to get Willow on her feet, but she slipped out of their hands and lay back on the floor. And then Xander called out a challenge: “Where are you going?”

“I thought I'd get me some takeout. This work makes a vamp thirsty,” Spike said.

Xander shuddered, and Giles muttered something under his breath about Cockney pillocks. Spike slipped out the door like a black-clad ghost.

“Are you okay, Xander?” asked Tara.

“Yeah, yeah. It's not as if this hasn't happened before.” Xander tried to stretch, but his aching back betrayed him.

Meanwhile, Giles said to Willow and Tara, “That was an interesting spell, though I would hope you never use it to move anything you care about.”

“We're not about to use it to go to Rio, Mr. Giles.”

“Though, that isn't a bad idea, Tara. Why do I see two of you?”

“There's only one of me. It'll pass.”

“Goody. Do you mind if I sack out here?”

“We should go before the police stop by,” said Giles.

“The Sunnydale police. Proving that justice is blind for a hundred years,” said Xander.

“Tara, do you by any chance have the book you got that spell from?”

“It's right here, Mr. Giles.” She pulled the book out of her bag and handed it to him.

Liber Cursus Akmeia. Akmeia's Book of Movement. I've never heard of Akmeia; have you, Tara, Willow?”

“Sorry, Giles. We just picked it up on a visit to San Francisco last summer; it seemed interesting.”

“Well, the spell worked, though I wish I knew what exactly it did. I'd rather not see the two of you hurt yourselves. We really should look over the book carefully.”

Xander finally got up from the corner and reached them. “I really have a bad feeling about this book, Will.”

“How could you, Xander? You don't know magic, or Latin.”

“Still.” He grabbed the book from Giles' hands. “Liber Cursus Akmeia. Liber Cursus Akmeia. Liber Cursus Akmeia.” He took a deep breath, flipped the book open, and started to tear out the pages.

“What are you doing, Xander?” screamed Giles as he lunged for Xander.

Xander slipped out of Giles' hold and said, “Liber Cursus Akmeia. Not Akmeia's Book of Movement. The Acme Book of Movement!”

Giles turned white with fear, and then he reached for the pages and started tearing them into very tiny bits.

“Even two thousand years ago, they had an Acme Corporation,” said Xander. “Some things never change.”

Th-Th-Th-Th-That's All Folks!

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The Acme Corporation, supplier of widgets to Wile E. Coyote and Duck Dodgers in the 24½th Century is a possession of Warner Brothers too. Leon Brocard wrote the infamous Perl module, Acme::Buffy, which makes all your Perl programs Buffier.

The End

You have reached the end of "Some Things Never Change". This story is complete.

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