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Were-Animals Xander didn't get bitten by

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Summary: A collection of short stories of unlikely were-creatures biting Xander. I started, now it's up to YOU to continue.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Comedy > Xander-CenteredNerdgirl + 10 othersFR13136,68803048,1646 Jan 0810 Jul 14No

Interesting Flavor, But Still Damn Tasty by (Current Donor)Manchester

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters and Star Trek characters are the property of their original owners.



On a school night, Angel hurried out from behind the Sunnydale High library bookshelves where he’d just ascended into this room from the maintenance shaft which led to the city sewers built below not just the school, but also most of the entire town. These same excessively-large drainpipes were now on Angel’s mind, causing him to worriedly announce to the three people in the room now staring in surprise at him, “Buffy, Giles, Willow, there’s some kind of new and dangerous demon roaming through the sewers! It’s been killing every hostile vampire and other demon it finds, all without leaving any trace of the bodies!”

Buffy just shrugged at this alarming news, all while waving a hand in a vague gesture towards the library floor next to where she was sitting at the main table. “Relax, Angel. It’s not a demon. It’s Xander.”

What!” disbelievingly blurted Angel, while his stunned gaze followed at where Buffy was indicating lower down by herself, to see lying onto the floor there a big…rock?

This same lumpy, rectangular, brownish-orange rock then shuffled around on its own to point one end towards at where a gobsmacked Angel was getting the definite feeling he was being looked at in turn. Even though there wasn’t any indication of eyes or other sense organs watching this Irish vampire.

Eventually managing to utter a choked, “Uh, how…why…?,” Angel frantically glanced around at the others in a search for some sort of explanation. This was soon supplied by Willow in an atypically terse style with yet a great deal of weary acceptance lurking in her tone.

“Local Star Trek convention here, Xan and Oz went together, costume event, two separate nicked fingers, blood transference, toss in the usual Hellmouth weirdness, and it all ended up with him becoming a were-Horta!”

“What’s a Horta?” blankly asked a most puzzled Angel, trying to remember if he’d ever heard about this creature before in his centuries-long existence.

From where Giles was sitting at his own desk, a heavy sigh was given by this irked librarian having to learn earlier all too much about a bloody Yank sixties television show with an episode termed The Devil in the Dark. This Englishman nevertheless patiently told the bewildered vampire, “It’s an alien silicon-based lifeform capable of living, eating, and effortlessly tunneling through underground stone and minerals. They’re very durable by nature--”

“Yeah!” broke in Buffy, picking up from the table and displaying one of the library’s swords from the emergency arms chest which was now bent in half at the blade as if it’d been experimentally clouted against the top of a supremely hard boulder.

Going on as if he hadn’t been interrupted, Giles continued lecturing a gaping Angel, “Xander’s new body -- which I’m thankful to say he can easily switch back and forth from this into his normal human appearance -- is capable of conveniently dealing with any attacking demon by just ramming into this fiend’s lower extremities to knock it down and then entirely consuming it by applying extruded acid from all over our friend’s transformed carapace.”

Sending a quite disapproving look at where the rock still resting on the library floor was somehow emitting an air of genuine smugness, Giles added in his driest voice, “In between eradicating as many hostile sewer dwellers as he could find, young Xander also discovered a rather odd result of devouring every vampire he came across during the past several nights.”

Even among the latest shocks he’d had to suffer recently, Angel couldn’t resist again asking, “What kind of result?”

Instead of someone answering Angel right away, another type of sound then drifted through the library. It was a soft, sizzling noise, coming from directly under the Horta. This science-fiction entity then smoothly slid sideways and ahead, to reveal on the floor where Xander had been a moment before several words etched by acid onto the library linoleum:

VAMPIRES -- YUM! BETTER THAN TWINKIES!

Angel gawked in sheer incredulity at what he was regarding, until he suddenly realized two things.

One, Xander’s rocky body where it had just moved was now a few steps closer to Angel than a moment ago.

Two, the Horta now gave off the impression of steadily observing the nervous vampire standing there with actual…hunger.
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