Title: Harassment at the Workplace?
Disclaimer: Connor was created by Joss Whedon; Stargate was created by the folks at the sci-fi channel, I think. The planet of amazons come from the Season 7 episode, Birthright.
Summary: Connor tries to flirt with Cassie Fraser, and draws the attention of the rest of SG-1 in the process. *Fic-a-thon for MidknightJ*
Author’s Note: This is part of the holiday fic-a-thon. Sorry it’s late. MidknightJ asked for the following:
MAX RATING: FR18
THREE THINGS WON'T READ: sex; kinks; slash
THREE THINGS WANT TO READ:
-Something with a little humour would be nice
-Something to do with family (not necessarily blood relatives though)
-Something involving a prank that gets out of control
CATEGORIES: Charmed; Firefly; Stargate SG1/SGA;
CHARACTERS: Connor; Riley; Xander
I hope I got close to what you were looking for! Happy New Year!
It all started in the cafeteria…
“Dude, your translation sucks.” Connor took a momentary break from his jello cup to glance over to the page Daniel was concentrating on.
“What?” Daniel looked up, startled from his translational trance.
“You’ve got it wrong. That’s the word for darkness, not the word for evil.”
“What?” Daniel repeated. He had heard Connor right the first time, but couldn’t believe that this Californian teenager whom SG-1 had found randomly wandering around on some planet he insisted on calling Quor-Toth Junior would have a clue about translating rare dialects of extinct languages.
“That symbol is pronounced krashah; what you wrote would sound more like krkkrk,” Connor made a sound eerily similar to static.
“Um, no, in Ptolemy’s Treatise on Babylonian Low Dialect, this is what he translated into Greek as sinister.”
“Suit yourself.” Connor muttered, digging around with his spoon to get that last bit of jello at the bottom of the cup. “But those temple carvings weren’t even in Babylonian. They were in Kishash.”
“Now you’re just pulling my leg. There is no such language as Kishash.” Daniel shot Connor a scathing look before taking a bite of his sandwich and returning to his translation.
“Just because it’s not a human language, doesn’t mean it doesn’t count. I mean, just think how many generations of Jaffa spoke Go’auld before humans ever figured it out.”
“He has a point, DanielJackson.” Teal’c acknowledged their new team member. From all the evidence they had, it appeared that Connor had been passed through a quantum mirror not long before being discovered. Despite coming from an alternate dimension, he seemed to fit in with the SG-1 group remarkably well. In fact he was the only one on base who could give Teal’c a workout when they sparred, earning him major points with the Jaffa warrior.
“Mmph.” Daniel ignored the comment with a muttered snort. About a minute later the archeologist swore under his breath. “Damn it.”
“What?” Connor set his spoon down.
“You were right.”
“Ha! I knew it, I knew… whoa, who’s the hottie at ten o’clock?”
“What?” Daniel turned his head.
“Shh! Don’t look. You’re too obvious.” Connor tried to straighten up in his chair a bit and flash the girl a winning smile while pretending not to look.
“You are referring to Cassandra Fraser, are you not?” Teal’c had also seen the girl, but had no idea what her temperature had to do with anything.
“Is that her name? Damn, she’s cute.”
Daniel turned his head and waved at Cassie who had just entered the cafeteria with Sam and Jack. “Um, just a minor suggestion, you might not want to say anything in front of Jack.”
“What? No way. He’s way too old for her.” Connor shrugged that suggestion off, missing the smirks on Daniel’s and Teal’c’s faces. “Doh. She’s headed this way.”
“Of course she’s headed this way, ConnorAngel; she is joining us for lunch.” Teal’c added another chair to the table.
Jack, being an officer and a gentleman, was carrying Cassie’s tray along with his own, leaving Sam to introduce SG-1’s adopted daughter to their newly adopted teammate. “Cassie, this is Connor. Connor this is Cassie Fraser, Dr. Janet’s daughter.”
“Pleased to meet you.” Cassie blushed as they shook hands.
“Damn, heaven must have broken the mold when they made you, baby.”
“What?” Cassie blinked in shock. Had the new recruit really just flirted with her, in front of Sam and Jack?
“If I told you, you have a gorgeous body, would you hold it against me?” He tried again, only his eyes kept drifting downwards from her face.
“Oh, no he didn’t.” Jack focused his stare of doom on Connor.
“Oh, yes, yes he did.” Daniel snickered. It was nice not to be the young, naïve one on the team anymore…
One week later, on P3X-955…
Connor crouched in the forest undergrowth, cursing the light of dawn making his hiding place all too vulnerable. He had to make it to the Stargate and dial out before they caught him. It was just a few more feet to the clearing and then a 100 yard dash to freedom. His muscles were sore; he was hungry and thirsty; there was no way he was spending another day on this planet. Taking a deep breath, he charged out of the brush, running at full speed.
“Ooof!” Just a foot shy of the DHD, he was taken down in a full body tackle. He struggled to stand up, but there were too many of them holding him down. Holding him down and giggling! Giggling! Oh the inhumanity!
“Whatcha doin’ down there?” Col. O’Neill, casually chewing a piece of straw, looked down on the teenager.
“Grrr.” Was all the response Connor could get out. His eyes flashed vampiric yellow for a moment, but it didn’t seem to phase the colonel, or the pack of female Jaffa warriors sitting on his chest.
“Oh come on, you can’t say you’re not enjoying this, being attended to by so many lovely ladies.”
“If by ladies, you mean utter psycho-bia-owww!” His comment was cut off by several pinches from the so-called ladies.
“Sounds like he needs another day of training. What do you think, Ishta?” O’Neill turned to the female warrior chief, who had just approached along with the rest of his team.
“I believe we are planning to teach the younger ones how to use a staff today. We could use a volunteer to demonstrate attack stances on.” Ishta smirked. When Teal’c had original proposed the visit, Ishta had been excited to see the sholva, but hesitant to bring another tau’ri to their base. Now, however, she was thoroughly enjoying the joke and amused by just how far Col. O’Neill was planning on taking this.
“No!” Connor yelped. “No, anything but that!”
“But Connor, I thought you liked hanging out with the babes.” Sam Carter had joined her commander. “What did you say to Cassie? Hot girls rock your world? Surely you’ve got another line or two to try out.”
“I’m sorry! Did I mention I’m sorry! Please, just whatever… get me off the Buffy-hell planet!”
“Buffy-hell?” Daniel arched one brow in question. “I think the official name of this planet is Hak’tyl.”
“Yeah, well, with all the Xena wannabees, it may as well be Buffy-hell.” Connor muttered. Evidently it was loud enough for one of his captors to notice. “Ow!” he cried as his foot was pinched.
“What do you think, Ishta, should we let him go?” one of the female warriors questioned.
“Have you learned your lesson, Connor Angel?” Ishta sternly asked.
“I will not objectify women. I will not use a pick-up line on a woman. I will be respectful to the opposite sex.” Connor repeated the phrase that had been beaten into him by the tribe of prepubescent female warriors who had been “training” with him this week.
“And?” Jack prompted.
“And I promise not to ask Cassandra Fraser out until we’re both over thirty or hell has frozen over.”
“Well, I think our work here is done.” Jack smiled.
“Jaffa, kree.” Ishta ordered, and Connor suddenly found himself free of the weight sitting on his chest.
“Whew, thank god.” Connor muttered “I swear I will never make a crack about slayers again.” Given the workout the young warriors had given him, he couldn’t imagine what had ever tempted his father to date a slayer. To be beat up like that every time he said something stupid? No thank you.
“It was a pleasure to see you again, Jack O’Neill of the tau’ri. Please let us know if we may assist you on any more of your sensitivity training exercises.” Ishta offered.
“Sir, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“I don’t know, Carter; were you think SG-5 may need some continuing ed credits soon?”
“I think that would be an excellent idea, Sir.” Sam smiled at the mental picture of the all-marine unit being taken down a peg by these Jaffa warriors.
“Ishta, this may be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.” Jack quoted Casablanca. “Alright, Danny boy, dial us home.”
“And Teal’c, do you mind …” Jack nodded towards Connor who was groaning from his spot on the ground.
“Of course, O’Neill.” Teal’c picked up Connor and tossed him over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes.
“There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.” Connor muttered under his breath.