A Fallen Angel.
Chapter 2. A Fallen Angel.
Angel woke feeling the challenge to his claim and he nearly went out of his mind, his demon was enraged and his heart was broken in guilt and shame. When Angel had first made love to Buffy something happened, it was like Angelus was unbound within him, he still had his soul but now his demon seemed to have greater power over him. He had left her to try and become a man worthy of the virgin blood he had spilled from her at the tender age of 16. To try and find balance with the demon within him. He knew he was unworthy of her and that by claiming her he had only added to his sins. Looking over at the blond woman sleeping next to him he couldn’t help thinking that he wasn’t exactly going about things in the right way. Ever since he had slept with Buffy it was like Angelus had a stronger hold over him. His demon wanted Buffy, but because of his desire to protect her from his dark nature he tried to satisfy his demons need for flesh and skin with other women who looked like her. Angel knew that he should have been sharing a bed only with his beloved, but he didn’t think that was possible right now. Angelus was just too strong.
Getting out of bed he quickly started getting dressed in his trademark black. Angel knew who the challenger was and he knew that his grand Childe was going to be nothing more than dust in the wind once he found him. “No vampire comes between me and my mate!” he growled angrily. It was a sentiment that Angelus agreed with completely and for a moment he could only sit in shock. It was the first thing that he and the demon within him had ever really agreed on since he was first cursed with a soul.
*Not the first thing.* The demon within him responded to his shock. *Agreed to making her our mate or the claim would not have worked. She is mine as much as she is your’s. More than she is yours.* The demon’s voice within him mocked as he threw on his clothes and stormed out rushing to get to Sunnydale.
Buffy woke in Spikes arms and for a moment she thought she was with Angel. She turned to smile at him and found that the cold arms holding her was not of her vampire love but of her friend and hunting companion. The same friend who had taken torture at Glory’s hand to protect her. The one who nearly sacrificed himself to save her. The memories of the night before came back to her and she was lost in shock and pain. Hesitantly she reached up to touch the new marks that Spike had claimed her with. How could she have let that happen? She knew she could have fought off Spike. She had done it enough times in the past when he had tried to kill her. She never wanted him or anybody to know how deeply she felt for the bleached blond vampire. More than anything else what she felt was the humiliation that she had enjoyed his fiery touch and passionate kisses. She not only welcomed them but plead for them at the end. She felt dirty, bone deep dirty as if she would never come clean.
“God, what have I done?” she whispered in an agony of regret. She could feel Angel’s anger and rage through what was left of his claim and his pain was a torment to her. Slipping from Spike’s arms she cleaned herself off, quickly dressed and ran from the crypt. The slamming of the door waking the vampire from his sleep.
Once free of the crypt Buffy ran desperately trying to escape the guilt and pain that filled her body and soul. Tears blinded her as she ran and ran through the town and beyond. She ran until she collapsed to the ground out of breath. She was lost to her guilt and shame. She curled into a fetal position, ignoring the corse dirt beneath her that was now in her hair and covering her face and clothes. She cried, until she wondered if she was going insane. Years of pain and sorrow that she had kept below the surface and never let anyone see came bursting from the dam that held back her emotions. She cried until she was entirely spent and all that seemed to remain was a hollow shell of the woman she once was.
Climbing to her feet she started walking back towards town and her home. The light of dawn was slowly starting to approach, and Buffy realized she had been out all night. She wondered if she was going to be in trouble, would Giles have stayed up waiting for her? She was used to being able to slip in the window but now that her mother was dead and Giles was her guardian she couldn’t do that anymore. If he did stay up he was probably worried about her. If he did there is no way she could hide this from him.
“When he finds out he is going to be so disappointed in me,” she thought to herself and tears that she thought she didn’t have left started flowing again. He was going to want to know what happened and she couldn’t lie to him. That was one thing that she would never do again. Giles was her father and all she had left.
The delay of getting to Buffy was driving Angel crazy. He was nearly animalistic with the need to get to his mate and reestablish his waning claim. He was finally almost to Sunnydale. Through his claim he could feel Buffy’s emotions and knew what had happened. He could feel what she was feeling as if it were happening to himself. His frustration and anger built to a head and he took it out on the dashboard of the car he was driving. Nothing would help until he could sink his fangs into his mate and reestablish his claim or kill the one who had dared to try to claim her for his own.
Oh yes, Spike would pay. Spike was always jealous of everything Angel had and now he had dared trespass on his mate there was no greater insult. Angel couldn’t wait to get his hands on his Grandchide.
Yet, with all the anger he felt at Spike, he couldn’t help being angry at himself. He had left her there alone, he knew about the pain she was in and he didn’t go to her, he didn’t try to comfort her he had stayed away and now things were so much worse. Leaving a new mate was something that simply wasn’t done, they both needed to be close to each other, he had defied his natural impulses seeking to control the beast within him and this was the result.
He was running out of time, to reestablish his claim on the golden girl that he loved and the demon within him was growling and roaring at it taking so long to get to her. Most mates would never allow such a distant separation from each other. Mates were meant to be together, to strengthen and protect each other. If something like this had happened while Angel was close he would have been able to get to his mate in time to stop it from happening. Allowing a challenge to a mating claim was something that made vampires become animalistic. Angel was in very real danger of losing his very tenuous grasp of his humanity and his sanity when he felt and saw his girl up ahead walking back towards town.
Buffy was lost in a daze as she was walking back to town she barely registered that she had found the road leading back to town, or that she was walking past an abandoned gas station that was about a mile outside of town. She also didn’t notice when a car pulled to a stop not far from her position. Angels voice calling out to her was the first hint she had that she was not alone.
“Buffy,” his voice shook as he called her name, if Buffy had been paying attention she would have heard the strain he was in trying to hold back his beast.
She turned to look at him with her heart in her throat. He was there and he knew what had happened. She could see it in his eyes, the pain and anger and something else. Something that frightened her to the very marrow of her bones. For the first time she could see the demon within his eyes. It was hungry, angry and it wanted to punish her for allowing Spike to touch her.
She couldn’t help the involuntary step back she took seeing the look in his eyes. A look that was quickly becoming more and more feral. A look that said more than words could have that, Angelus was taking control and he was hunting her.
She turned to run and even managed a few steps before his powerful arms encircled her and pulled her into him. She her heart fell to her feet when she found herself imprisoned in his arms. He growled at her attempts to pull away. The growl was so primal that she was instantly fighting her own nature that demanded she slay the vampire before her. She couldn’t do that, wouldn’t do that and so she froze in horror.
“Mine,” he growled into her ear, and she couldn’t help the shudder that wracked her tiny frame. This wasn’t her Angel, this was something else entirely and she was terrified of it, because she couldn’t fight it. Angel was gone and only the demon remained. Yet, it was inside of a man that she loved and she couldn’t defend herself from him.
She suddenly found herself being packed over his shoulder like a sack of sugar and carried into the gas station away from the deadly light of the sun that would soon be rising. She no sooner found herself on her feet than her clothes were pulled roughly from her body. She was so shocked that Angel would do this to her that she didn’t even try to protest until she was thrown to the ground.
“You’re my mate and you let Spike challenge the claim,” Angel growled viciously at her while quickly pulling his own clothing of his own body. She tried to scramble back from the venomous tone but his hand locked onto her arm with a punishing steel grip.
“No!” she cried and tried to break his grip. His other fist came out of the blue and caused shocking pain that seemed to make the world spin
She shook her head to clear it. Her heart was pounding in fear as her instincts told her to fight, she wanted to, needed to but held back in fear of killing him. Then the nightmare became so much worse. He was brutal and vicious, punishing her and threatening her.
Tears forced their way from her eyes, only last night she hadn’t thought things could ever get any worse only to be proven how very wrong she was, especially when the entire process started all over again. It was a nightmare, beyond anything she had ever known. At length he pulled away and started licking clean the cuts his hands had left down her stomach. Buffy could only cry out her pain once again as he laved her with his tongue.
The subtle shaking of her body as she cried woke Angel to where he was and what he had done. Instantly he stopped licking her though she had the sweetest blood he had ever tasted in his entire afterlife. Slowly the memory of what had passed returned to him. He had found Buffy walking slowly back to town. The sight of her so broken and sorrowful pierced his heart and he had instantly forgiven her for what she had done. His demon had other thoughts on the matter. Desperately he held control of his demon as he neared her. *I can do this.* he thought to himself *I can reestablish the bond between us without letting Angelus loose.*
But then she had stepped back in fear and his demon broke through to the surface. It was instinct pure and simple if something runs you chase it down. He had chased her down and proven once again that though he may now have a soul there was evil within him. He could try and hide it pretend it didn’t exist within him but the tears of the woman beneath him were testament to the fact that he was evil. There was no escaping it. It was a part of him.
“God, Buffy what have I done?” he asked as he turned to look at her eyes. She winced and looked away from him. “I didn’t want it to be this way. Buffy I am so, so sorry. I never wanted to do that to you,” slowly as if afraid that he would lash out at her she drew away from him and stood up.
Angel took in the broken look about her features and the marks where he had cut into her skin with his fangs and nails. He looked at what he had done and under the guilt and shame his demon purred it’s approval at the extra marks he had left to show that she was his. A part of him wanted to walk out into the sunshine to end the evil that his existence brought into the world, while another part of him was simply smug. His mate had been sufficiently frightened and submissive. The thought brought him great pleasure and disgust that it brought him pleasure.
She was shaking in shock and fear as she pulled on her clothes. She didn’t say a word as she dressed with tears in her eyes and shaking hands.
“Buffy, I am so sorry,” he pleaded and stepped toward her. Buffy flinched and tensed freezing in place, Angel stepped back again and let her back toward the door. Once there she ran into the sunshine with tears running silently down her face and bleeding from his marks her eyes looked haunted in a way that he had never seen them, even after all that she had faced. They were a testament that the ones we love have the most power to hurt us. Angel felt a little more dead than he had since he first died. He has lost his love’s trust, he couldn’t help wondering if he would ever be able to get it again.
Giles paced his apartment in worry. His slayer had never come home last night. He had checked her old home and even the local hospital. *If something has happened to her I’ll never forgive myself for not being there to protect her.* He thought to himself. She may have been the greatest slayer of all time but she was still entrusted to his protection.
“I should have been with her,” he raged to himself. “She shouldn’t have been patrolling so soon after her loss.”
The front door opened and his slayer walked in. Tears were leaking down her face and she was covered in dirt, her hair was wild and untamed and he could see that she was lost in a horror of her own.
“Buffy!” he cried out and rushed to her side. Desperately she threw her arms around him as her tears starting falling once again.
“Please forgive me,” she cried. “Please don’t be mad at me. I need you Giles,” he wondered if she even realized what she was saying.
“Good lord, Buffy, dear girl what happened?” he asked.
Pulling away she winced and turned so that she wouldn’t have to see his face as she explained what happened. She didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes. She didn’t want to tell him, she really wanted to come up with some story that would explain what happened. But, she had promised him, no secrets and no lies.
“I went to visit moms grave last night,” she whispered her voice a testament to her desperate need to keep it under control. “I was kind of lost in the pain and then Spike was there. I asked him why everybody always has to leave me. He promised that he never would. It sounded so good to have a friend that would always be there for me, someone I could always trust,” her voice cracked as she felt his betrayal of that trust return. “I hugged him and broke down crying, the next thing I know he was kissing me. I tried to pull away but he kept kissing me and then I didn’t want to pull away. He distracted me from the loss and sorrow with fire. The next thing I realized he had carried me to his crypt. At first I told him no but I didn’t stop him and then I didn’t want to stop him. Why didn’t I stop him Giles? God, you probably hate me now. You think I’m this slut, and it must be true because I didn’t beat him off or anything. I woke up and left him, then Angel found me. He was crazy Giles, when Spike did that he knew and he went crazy. He...he,” tears overwhelmed her again and she crouched down into a ball. “Please forgive me Giles. Please, please forgive me. Please don’t be mad at me. I didn’t stop them Angel scared me so much and he hurt me but I couldn’t even try to get away. Please forgive me Giles,” she pleaded.
Giles listened as Buffy explained what happened in growing anger and pain while Ripper started to emerge within him. He was going to kill both those bloody vampires, but first he would let Ripper have some fun with their bloody bodies. Suddenly he realized that Buffy was pleading with him to forgive her and he realized that before revenge the daughter of his heart needed him. Rushing forward he pulled Buffy into his arms and gently rocked her back and forth.
“Shh, Buffy there is nothing to forgive. That bastard, Spike took advantage of you when you were emotionally vulnerable. He bloody well knew what he was doing too. It is nothing for you to be ashamed of. It isn’t your fault,” he whispered to her as he gently rubbed circles over her back. “I’m going to stake that blasted vampire myself for taking advantage of you when you were grieving your mother.”
“No, Giles. It...it’s my fault...it’s my fault too. I should have stopped him, I’m the slayer! Why didn’t I punch him or send him flying with the violence? Why didn’t I do anything but say no? I’ve certainly done that before in the past. I’m the slayer and I didn’t do anything to stop him or Angel,” she cried.
“My dear girl, you told me yourself. Spike seduced you, as far as I’m concerned after he had done those things to you against your will even if you had said yes it still counts as rape to me. And if Angel was really feral then fighting him back may have gone very badly for you. It is in their nature to maintain the claim with sex and violence. In the past Angelus always had a thing for dominance. But he has a bloody soul so he should have been able to control himself and not rape you.”
Buffy flinched at this word. She was the slayer and slayers weren’t supposed to be raped.
Her voice was a dulcet whisper as she confessed one last pain to him. “Giles,” She whispered thinking of her time with Spike. “Even though I told Spike no. I also said please and yes and it felt....” Bufy stopped talking as she desperately tried to figure out how to confess that Spike had brought her to pleasure.
“I know Buffy. Please don’t blame yourself, it’s a natural response,” he whispered feeling completely inadequate to be comforting her.
“Angel seemed to snap out of it after he, we...after.”
“He raped you and reestablished his claim on you,” Giles whispered.
“He said he was sorry and that he didn’t mean it. He couldn’t help it. I believe him but, I couldn’t look at him after that, I know I should forgive him. It was the demon inside of him that did it but...I don’t know if I can. When I looked at him after that I didn’t see the man I loved I saw a monster. And I hated him and I was afraid of him.”
There was nothing he could say or do to take this pain from her. He could wipe the tears from her eyes but not from her heart. This was something that would take her time to come to terms with. Not all women could but he was sure that Buffy was strong enough to manage it, eventually. She was the strongest woman he knew of and it only made him even more angry at the two vampires that had brought his dear girl so much pain.
“Come on let’s get you a shower, and I’ll fix you something to eat. I have a pill you can take for dreamless sleep,” Giles decided sleep was the way to go then when she wakes up he would make sure to keep her busy that way she won’t have time to wallow in misery he decided.
He was helping her to her feet when he noticed how bloody her shirt was. “Good lord, Buffy,” he cried out as he gently pulled her shirt up and saw the bloody furrows Angel had clawed down both sides of her stomach.
A rage filled him beyond anything Buffy could have imagined. “Which one of them?” He demanded. “Tell me Buffy which one of them did that to you?”
Buffy flinched at his venomous tone and shied away. Giles realizing this winced. “Dear girl, I’m sorry. Let’s get you cleaned up, we will bandage your wounds,” Giles decided he needed to let it go for now, but he would be getting the information from his girl. Then the vamp that did it would pay, they both would.