Disclaimer: Obviously, I am not Joss or whoever it is that owns House. If I was, I'd be on a picket line, not writing fanfiction.
Notes: This story takes place in my imagination, and soon, your imaginations. Anya is not dead. House's team is not gone.
Dr. Gregory House scowled as he limped through the hospital, leaning heavily on his cane. This was normal. The woman walking beside him beamed as though he had given her the highest praise. This was not normal.
"House... who is this?" asked Dr. Wilson as he eyed the woman inquisitively.
"It's 'Bring your Hooker to Work' Day," House replied caustically. "Didn't you get the memo?"
The woman smirked. "Keep saying things like that and I'll be forced to borrow clothes from Faith," she told the grizzled doctor.
"Who's Faith?" asked Wilson.
"A hooker," she replied with a perfectly straight face. "But you can't tell her I said that. She'd break me in half, but she'd just slap you." She took pity on the confused looking doctor and held out her hand. "I'm Anya Jenkins. I'm going to be shadowing Dr. House for at least the next six months."
Wilson shook the proffered hand, then his brain caught up with what the girl had said. He replied with the only logical question: "Why?"
"Why else?" Anya replied with a grin and a friendly arm slung over her companion's shoulder. "So I can learn to be exactly like him!"
"Everybody," said House to his assembled team. "This is Anya Jenkins." Anya waved enthusiastically in response to their curious stares. "Despite her association me, however, she is not a stripper, hooker, doctor or patient, although three of her friends take up some of those roles."
"If she's not one of those, why is she hanging around you?" Foreman asked.
"Court order?" Chase guessed.
"Nah, the threat of one was enough. He knows we could have pulled it off if we needed to."
Cameron, Chase and Foreman alternated gaping at Anya and House. "It's true!" House moaned. "And now I'm stuck with her for at least half a year!"
"Oh, piffle," Anya said with a smug grin. "You're just sore because Willow and Kennedy won't let you watch you do spells in your house, which aren't what you're expecting, anyway. They're lesbians, you see," she said with a conspiratorial look at Cameron. "Don't look so sad," she told House. "They could have easily sent Andrew." She huffed a contented little sigh and looked around the room. "So, where are all the sick people?"
"That girl," Wilson said quietly as he and Cuddy walked down the halls, "is completely mad. Clinically insane. Not only is she spending six months, minimum, with House, she's doing it voluntarily, and not asking for pay."
"Well, you have to admit, she's good for the hospital," Cuddy said. "She's getting House to do his Clinic hours-"
"-which may qualify her for sainthood, I know. But I still think it also qualifies her for the psych ward."
"I suppose you think that's funny, making fun of insane people," Anya said, having snuck up behind them. They both jumped and she continued talking as though nothing had happened. "I tried, when I didn't know any better, and I got a terrible reception from all of my closest friends, who are supposed to be the most supportive aside from family, which I don't currently have. Anyway, I'm not crazy," she said. "Despite the way I talk and the company I choose to keep, I can say that without a doubt."
"We know you aren't actually crazy," Cuddy said, slightly flustered at their faux pas. "We were just... curious as to why you'd choose to shadow Dr. House."
"Easy. He's the best," Anya said. "I work with a group that... well, we see a lot of strange injuries and ailments in our line of work. Like for example, my ex-fiancé, who I've recently started dating again, had his eye poked out by a madman's thumb, and the sister of one of his best friends contracted a sexually transmitted illness which made her grow to gigantic proportions. You can see where we'd need a good diagnostician. We would just recruit Dr. House, but he's much too old, so I'm learning."
"And where do you work, to see so many strange medical cases?"
"Well, we're setting up in Cleveland now, but that's only because Sunnydale fell into a sinkhole. Excuse me, there he is," she said, chasing after House and leaving Wilson to go pale and Cuddy to look confusedly between the two of them.
I'm leaving this story open, partly because I don't know where to take it and it really needs to be taken somewhere, and partly because I'm lazy. Hopefully this will grow!