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Birth of a Merc

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This story is No. 1 in the series "Chronicles of a Freak". You may wish to read the series introduction first.

Summary: YAHF: Xander goes as a certain Spider-Man knock off for Halloween

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Marvel Universe > DeadpoolEarthDragonFR1868,28844729,56528 Jan 0820 Apr 08Yes

Out of Guns

Authors Note: People out there this here will be my first attempt at writing outside of my creative writing class, so please take it easy on me if your going to comment.

Disclaimer: Buffy and all related characters belong to Joss Whedon and that Zombie guy(I like to call him Bill) that appears after the credits, and any Marvel character that I happen to mention belong to the good people of Marvel, and if I mention a DC character well they belong to the DC people. I only own....well nothing, but my own imagination.

P.S. I don't really remember the actual dialog in the episode so if it's not right please don't make me feel bad about it.
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What's so freaking great about Angel? Sure he's tall dark and handsome, but does he have the ability to eat a whole Twinkie in one bite? I DON'T THINK SO! Wait. What was I doing again? Oh, right costume. Stupid Snyder, if it wasn't for him I'd be vegging out tonight and be getting in some quality Buffy snuggles, but no, instead we're here at this crappy costume shop. To top it off she's looking for something that'll impress old Fang-face something from the days when he was an actually human being. Now spandex, that's what makes a real costume.

"Can I help you young man?" A voice said coming from somewhere.

"AHH!" Yeah that was totally manly of me.

"Pardon me my boy, I didn't me to frighten you. It's just, you looked like you were having a bit of trouble picking out a costume, and, as this being my shop, I believed I could have been of service." the British guy said who's name is probably Ethan. (I wonder if he's apart of the tweed brigade too)

"Costume? Crap! Right I need a costume. Hey um Ethan sir man Englishdude could you direct me to where you keep your toy guns?" Keep it together Xan-Man be cool.

"I'm sorry my boy, but I just sold the last one while you were staring at that little blond girl you came in with." Ethan said.

Out of guns? What the hell kind of place runs out of guns? I should blame this on how hot Buffy looks right now. Damn, she is looking pretty fine though.

"Dammit, now what the hell am I supposed to do?" Maybe I could go as a responsible student that would be a good costume.

"Well, you could stand there and start babbling on about karma and the universe, or you could follow me to the discount costumes." British guy who's name I forget said.

"Hey! I don't appreciate that tone of voice, and lead the way please." Score! This is just what I needed.

"Very well, follow me. Oh, and try to not knock any more things over." The Englishman said while he fixed a rack that I had knocked over earlier.

"Um it was a ghost?" Smooth Xander real smooth.

"Quite." Passive aggression my favorite.

He's giving me that British stare that makes me feel stupid. "So, what kind of costumes are you selling here that's discounted at this really inexpensive place?" Did that come out like an insult?

"Humph, well young man just to make things clear I only put the defected costumes in this area." He literally spat that out.

Yeah that definitely came off as an insult then. Oh well, it's not like he's some kind of wizard who enchants costumes or anything. How far away are these costumes we've been for like a minute now(and that's a long time).

"Ah, here we are." Ask and ye shall receive.

"Lets have gander at these bad boys."

"I'd say not to break anything, but I have a feeling that such advice would be wasted on you. If you would excuse me. It appears your blond and redheaded friend have made their choice."

"Yeah, sure" What a pompous ass. Ok, so what do we have hear a lot of comic book characters here. Let's see the Shocker no Crimson Dynamo no Absorbing Man (what's with all these villains) Here's one, kind of looks like Spider-Man.

"Hey, Mr um Ethan whats up with this one it looks like a Spider-Man knock off," Did I insult him again?

"I believe that particular costume belongs to a comic book character." Wow, that was helpful.

"Alright, I'll take it. How much?"

"Well, since you are one of my last costumers. I'll be willing to part with it free of charge; if you would just go so I may close the shop." Yeah guy's definitely upset there.

"Sounds good, did you see where my friends went?"

"I believe they're waiting for you somewhere near the exit. Oh, have a nice day and leave." Yeah, that guy definitely dislikes me.

"Hey Will, hey Buffster. What did you guys end up getting?" Like I don't know.

"Hey Xander, I got this great dress that'll make Angels head turn," stupid Captain Forehead,"and for Willow lets just say there's going to be a big surprise." Said the future love of my life.

"What did you get Xander?" Asked my bestest bud in all the world.

"Well good buddy, good friend of mine. I purchased some cheap Spider-Man knock off costume, which comes with these cool plastic swords." How nerdy was that?

"Ooh, SpiderManthat'scoolIlikeSpiderMannotbecausehehasaredheadedgirlfrienditsjustbecausehecoolandstufflikethat."

"Wow, all that in one breath. So Buffy, what are your mom and Dawn going to do since they don't have the older sister to drag them down?" Dammit I really need to work on that non insult thing.

"I think they're going to this thing with paintings, and a lot of old people." Got off of that one.

"Sounds just as fun as what we're doing...not." That was lame.

"A not joke? Come on Xander that's so last month." Buffy said. (which sounded equally lame)

"Okay okay, I'll see you guys later. I need to figure out how to put all this stuff on."

"Bye Xan." Buffy said.

"By Xander." Willow said.

Jeez that took longer than I thought. Better get home to begin my transformation to...crap I didn't even look at the name. Let's see "Deadpool" wasn't that a Eastwood flick? Oh well, Sunnydale say hello to Deadpool.

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Well there it is the first chapter to something I hope will entertain the masses
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