Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.
"We were on a break!" Ross Geller cried, embarrassed, frustrated, but also working himself up into a self-righteous indignation. "You said we were on a break!"
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you can go out and have sex with Chloe the copy girl!" Rachel Green almost yelped.
They argued and accused each other for a few more minutes, and then Ross, determined to settle the matter and prove his own point, turned to Buffy Summers and nine other Scoobies and friends, who had been watching the exchange in fascination.
"Look, let's see what they think, all right? What do you guys think it means to be on a break?" he demanded.
"A break?" Buffy replied, furrowing her brow. "Breaks are good. Breaks give you some time and perspective to think things out, you know? To watch to make sure the guy or girl in question doesn't go all evil on you. But wait a minute," she said, slowly, frowning in sudden suspicion. "It might be a clever way to make you be apart from each other so you can't see him as much, and you can't observe him. And then he can attack you when you least expect it. If that's why he wants a break, then that's not good. So I guess that breaks can be good, but they can also be bad. Wait, which side am I taking? What's the question again?"
"A break?" Xander repeated. "Like breaking up? Well, do whatever you want, but let me tell you, I've been rejected enough to know how bad it sucks. Or wait- do you mean just take a break from dating? Is that like friends with benefits? I could never get a girl to do that, but maybe that's just me. Well except Faith. But we were never really that good of friends anyway. And I was only benefitted once, and then there was the whole going evil thing... hey! Is that a really sneaky way of breaking up with someone without them getting mad? Because that's smart, man. But they'll find out- they always do. And then it will be blowing up in your face. Count your blessings- at least your girlfriend isn't an ex vengeance demon. I always have that hanging over my head."
"You slept with someone else?" Willow gasped, her face twisting in shock and disapproval. "That's bad, that's very bad! You should be ashamed- you should NEVER cheat, even if you are on a break! Oh, wait a minute," she said suddenly, her face flushing guiltily. "I cheated too... and I wasn't even on a break.... but that was different!" she said hurriedly. "That was just a kiss, there was no nakedness involved, and no meeting of private parts! Still... gosh, I'm such a bad person."
"A break?" Giles repeated, frowning and blinking a few times in mild confusion. "I don't understand what you mean. Do you mean to terminate a romantic relationship? Well, of course if it's not a mutually agreed upon endeavor, then someone will be hurt emotionally. But you can't tell an adult man whether or not to terminate his relationship, everyone has the right to do as he wishes with his own personal life. So long as it doesn't cause another physical harm, that is. Or involve shenanigans such as raising the dead..."
"Personally, I think Dino-Man has the right idea," Faith smirked, stretching her arms behind her back. "Sounds pretty five by five to me. I don't see the point of so-called 'relationships' anyway. Friends with benefits are the way to go. You get yours and I get mine without all the mess of 'love' and 'committment' and all that crap. We're all consenting adults, so what's the big deal?"
"Breaks are cool," Oz said shortly, his face as impassive as usual. "If you can both agree to the terms."
"Don't let the man fool you, love," Spike growled, scowling. "The last time I turned my back away from my girl, she ran off with a bloody fungus demon, for god's sake. Didn't even give me a parting torture in consolation! That, pet, is what started off my rapid descent from the Big Bad to just another of love's bitches. And one who can't even sodding drown his sorrows in a little blood draining, at that. Don't let him off, love, give him bloody hell!"
"A break?" Anya repeated, blinking in confusion and scrunching up her face. "Isn't that the thing you step on in the car to make it stop? Xander had to do that in the car the other day when I was playing with his penis. We almost ran into a guard rail," she said in her usual blunt manner. "Or do you mean like breaking bones? I broke some back when I was a vengeance demon, but boils and wasting diseases were really more along my specialties. That, and castration. Always a popular request."
"Breaks?" Cordelia asked in her usual air-headed way. "As in spring? I'm going to Costa Rica for my spring break this year. I considered the Bahamas, but that's so cliched, you know? And I've already been to Hawaii three times, I don't want to go AGAIN. I really need to go shopping for a new bathing suit so I can work on my tan. Speaking of breaking, I think I just broke a nail," she muttered, holding up her hand and inspecting her fingers. "Dammit!"
"I love breaks," Drusilla murmurred in her characteristic dreamy, little girl tone. "If you listen verrry closely as you bend the bone back, slowly, slowly, until it snaps... it makes such a nice lovely sound. And their cries are so nice and pained... yes, bone breaking is such a lovely method of torture..."
Needless to say, after the other' input, Ross and Rachel's definition of a break was more confused than ever.
"Uh... truce?" Ross asked her uncertainly, extending his hand to her.
"Yeah, okay," she mumbled. "If you can keep your hands off the office sluts from now on."