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Spike and Xander's Excellent Hogwarts Adventure

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Summary: Pretty much what it says in the title.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Spike-Centered > Pairing: OthernashFR18613,659367,03214 Feb 0814 Feb 08Yes

Chapter 6

Hours later, after the treasure hunt, and after eating dinner sitting separately from Xander, Spike had cooled down. By agreement, they'd each sneaked out of the dorms and met in the hall. And no, he wasn't going to acknowledge the heat in Xander’s... Potter's eyes. "Maybe I should try a sleep spell. If Snape is in a deep sleep, I won't have to knock him out while we search his room."

"I know how we can find where his room is," Xander grinned and brandished the marauders’ map around. He'd grabbed it from Harry's trunk along with the invisibility cloak. "And there will be no spells used. Snape is a sneaky bastard and we don't know magic. He'll catch us if we try anything."

He really hated having to follow Xander's lead, or anyone's for that matter. "What do you intend to do with that? Ask someone to put an X on it to show where his room is?"

And who might that someone be? They seemed pretty strict about requiring the students to be in their dorms after hours. Flicking his hand out, he snatched the cloak and jumped when his arm disappeared. "I thought it dropped off... stupid human body..." he pulled his arm out from under the cloak, and put it back.

"Dropped off," Xander snickered. "Now watch." He took his wand out and tapped the map. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good," he said.

The map promptly unfolded, lines appearing as the pages moved, quickly forming an outline of all the rooms in the castle. Soon they had the whole school laid out in front of them with a small dot labelled 'Snape'. Another dot labelled 'Filch' was moving about in the floor above them and 'McGonnagal' was patrolling a few corridors to their left.

"How cool is this?" Xander said, grinning proudly at Spike.

"Means being bad is good, yeah?" Spike was all into that. "Where's he going?" He frowned as the Snape-dot appeared to be hovering around one of the exits. "Come on, be a good Slytherin and leave. Come on, or else Xander here is going to have to promise to have hours of sex with you if you let him tie you to your bed." His gaze flashed over to Xander. "Don't look so shocked, you were bloody good at keeping me tied up. I knew what you were thinking, even back then," he smirked.

"Perv," Xander said but without heat this time. "I wouldn't mind Snape but it would be icky now," he said, pointing to himself as if that was an obvious explanation. "What? I told you I thought Snape was hot."

He paused a moment, staring at the map. The Snape dot didn't seem inclined to move but the McGonnagal one was coming closer and closer.

"We could create a diversion," Xander said, "get him to go investigate."

"Think everyone in Harry Potter's Winter Wonderland is hot. I could tackle her. Bet she shouts quite loud... wait, she's the one that can turn into a cat... hmmm, might scratch me." Another idea struck him and he pulled out his wand. "How about a bit of a bonfire?"

"You want us to burn down the school?" Xander asked, horrified.

"No, you git... create a bit of a fire so they rush over to put it out. Don't think I can do it, do you?" It was a struggle, deciding whether it was worth proving his abilities, or being responsible. The boy was right, there were students in the building, and what if the flames went out of control? "Right, what's your idea then?"

"Going down to the dungeons and throwing stuff in a cauldron until it goes 'boom'?" .

"Or that." Dragging Xander by the robe, Spike headed in the direction that he thought was right. At least it would look as if he were leading for a bit. "I'm beginning to feel like Giles doesn't care or miss us. If he had done, don't you think we'd be back by now?"

"It's not like he had any idea you would go about wishing things," Xander pointed out. "Maybe he's trying to get us back."

He stopped as something suddenly occurred to him.

"Do you think Harry and Draco are over there? In our bodies?"

“If they are, they're having hot dirty sex in them, that's for sure. After being in this weak little body, Draco will be making good use of mine. Wonder if there will be anything left of you..." Dragging him again, he headed down the stairs. "Hope we'll remember it... the sex..."

"For the last time they're not having sex! And even if they were, Giles would probably kill us both so we'd have no bodies to get back to," Xander pointed out. "I think we're here," he added and, taking one more glance at the map to make sure there was no one around, he pushed open the door to the potions classroom.

"If you prefer to think of our bodies sitting at attention and minding Giles, fine." He started shifting bottles of powder and liquid about the shelves, selecting some to toss into the cauldron. "I prefer to think of you... your body, on your knees, and putting your mouth to good use... like you were when you licked the butter off your fingers. Draco must be having a bloody good time," he sighed.

Xander stopped moving once more, this time because the picture Spike painted had hijacked his brain.

"Gah," he managed to say when he regained some control.

"Come on, toss something in." Spike had already done quite a bit of pouring and was about to light it up with the wand he waved over the cauldron. "Wait a minute... that look. You know they're doing it, too, don't you?" he crowed triumphantly.

"No," Xander promptly responded. "Maybe we should move back a bit, in case it suddenly blows up."

He moved back and started grabbing random things from the desks and shelves and throwing them in the cauldron. Soon enough a threatening rumble could be heard from the direction of the cauldron.

"There she blows!" he yelled and ducked behind Snape's desk.

Spike jumped back, knocking some bottles onto the ground and cursing. He leaped behind the desk and took a look at the map that Xander was unrolling. "Bloody hell, he's almost here. How does he do that!"

Before he knew it, Xander was pulling the cloak of invisibility over them. It was quite freaky... being invisible. That was something he could have played with for hours, but he suddenly realized how close they were now standing... pressed together. He wasn't the least bit surprised when his heart started to kick up a big fuss again.

"Calm down or he'll hear you," Xander snickered.

Seconds later Snape was there and they were shuffling out the door as quietly as they could go. The moment they were clear, Xander broke into a run. Soon they were in front of Snape's door. The man in the portrait stared impassively at them.

"We need a password," Xander said. "Snake?" he guessed but the portrait remained quiet.

"Harry Potter," Spike threw out.

"Very funny Spike," Xander replied but still he was relieved when the portrait simply stared. "I bet I know what it is," he grinned suddenly. "I read all seven books."

He looked up at the portrait's eyes and said, very confidently, "Lilly."

The portrait man nodded smartly at them and swung open.

"As in Potter's lily white arse..." he followed Xander inside."Place is as dark as he is. Darker than any crypt I ever slept in," he said as he started to look around. "And he has bad handwriting... oh what have we here?" he lifted a sheet of paper, "ingredients for potion to make HP delirious." Quickly mixing the sheet back into the rest of the stack, he innocently went back to lifting things up off Snape's desk, checking his drawers, and looking under it.

"As in Potter's mother you idiot," Xander replied with an eye roll. "Just...look for the paperweight thingy, okay?" he said and joined the search, perusing the shelves.

Spike disappeared behind a panel. "What now? He's hot for Potter and Potter's mother? That's just evil."

"He's not hot for Potter! Where do you get these ideas, Spike?" Xander snapped.

"Talking about yourself in the third person, Mr Potter?"

"Uh-oh," Xander breathed and slowly turned around to face none other but Professor Snape.

Shit! Maybe Snape didn't realize he was back here. Spike slowly looked past the edge of the panel he thought was hiding him, but Snape's hand moved in his direction, and he found an index finger pointing toward him, even though the professor never actually turned around. The situation was a nightmare... a place where he was a weak human, a little one at that, and where professors had the senses of a vampire... it just wasn't fair. Leaving Xander to deal with Snape, he continued to look through the shelves, panicked and rushed, but with a very big incentive to find the bleeding paperweight.

"Well, Mr Potter?" Snape continued, looking at Xander with those intense dark eyes. Man, he wished Spike hadn't told him his stupid Snarry theories. "Are you going to tell me why you took it upon yourself to break into a professor's chambers? I'm sure you have a perfectly reasonable explanation."


"I'm waiting Mr Potter. Mr Malfoy, if you would like to join us? I’m sure your father would wish to hear of your new...friend.”

The distaste in the last word was enough for Xander to start a protest. He quickly aborted it when Snape’s gaze returned to him.

Spike swallowed. "No, I think I'd rather not." His voice suddenly sounded reed thin! He could kick himself. No, he could kick Draco Malfoy's ass for that. Dropping to his knees, he started knocking things out of the way dug into a jar. His hand closed around a circular object and he pulled it out.

"Xander, I've got it!" he shouted, taking a few steps toward the severe looking professor and the oh-so-innocent-until-you-get-me-into-bed Potter. "Professor Snape, best if you close your eyes now. We'll explain everything in great, excruciating detail... I promise," he said, pressing the device all over its surface and getting nowhere.

Xander grabbed hold of Spike with one hand and put the other over the stone.

"You have to wish for it," he pointed out.

Snape was taking out his wand, suspicion clear in his eyes.

"Hurry up, Spike, he knows!"

"Fuck..." Desperate to get out of there, and yet unable to pass up the chance to disconcert both the professor and Xander, Spike suddenly ducked down and kissed Xander on the mouth, even lingering for a few precious seconds, before lifting his head.

"Yes they do it, and yes you may thank me for the stiff one you're sporting right now. Good thing about the robes, yeah?" Winking, he wished he and Xander were back in Giles' living room.

Xander landed right next to the couch, his back hitting the floor at a rather painful speed.

"What the hell did you do that for?!" he exclaimed, the moment he could draw breath.

Spike gracefully landed on his own two feet.

"Because I'm a vampire, and because I can." He came very close to adding a Xander-like 'woot' to that, because he never thought he'd be so happy to get back into his strong, painless body.

"Evil bastard," Xander muttered. "Now they'll have to deal with Snape," he added, more loudly.

"And you'll have to deal with me," Giles said, making Xander jump.

"This thing where people keep catching me out? Should stop!" Xander said vehemently, looking up at Giles in dismay.

"And why do you care what the bloody hell happens to them?" Spike demanded. "You're so wrapped up in him... them, you don't see... " Eh, he was wasting his breath, even though he didn't have to breathe anymore. "Right, I'll let Giles deal with you, and you can have the dvd. Probably wank to it..." he muttered under his breath, as he went and collected the rest of his belongings.

"What the hell is wrong with you now?!" Xander demanded going to stand in front of Spike. "First you want me, then you don't and now that we stuff, you're all sulky,"

"Oh for heaven's sake. First I come in and see you boinking like rabbits on the sofa and now you're back to the tension?" Giles said, exasperated, "The least you can do for forcing me to witness that is to keep on doing it so that the rest of us can relax!"

"I told you!" Spike shouted in triumph. "They did it... they do it... and your precious Draco did it with me. No wait, that's not right... he did it with you."

Suddenly his glee gave way to jealous anger and rage. "Fine, you can fuck who you like," he shouted, striding toward the door and adding for Giles' benefit, "and you can watch whoever you like, but who you saw... that wasn't me."

The door slammed behind him full force. Maybe his heart wasn't beating so hard he was worried about it breaking, or his blood might not be rushing the way it had in Draco's body... but a vampire's wrath was not a pretty sight.

One last look inside the window, and he walked away from the sight of an astounded Xander, standing across from Giles, with a Christmas tree twinkling in the background.

Xander stared at the closed door, then at Giles.

"What just happened?"

"I don't know, I don't want to know, deal with it amongst yourselves," Giles replied. "Now if you'll excuse me, this is the first time I walked in here all evening and didn't have the urge to walk back out. I'm getting myself a drink."

"I'm going after him," Xander decided and headed for the door.

"Yes, you do that," Giles said, already sipping at his scotch.

Xander looked for Spike outside Giles's building but the vampire was nowhere to be seen. He headed for the closest bar but, as he remembered the sulky look on Spike's face as he slammed the door, he changed directions and headed for Spike's apartment. Xander was determined to get to the bottom of this by the end of the evening. He finally got some Spike smoochies and he wasn't about to give them up without a fight.

Soon he was standing in front of Spike's door, glaring at it as if it was the blond himself.

"Spike open up!" he yelled as he pounded on the door.

Spike had half a mind to pretend he hadn't gone straight home. But then again, maybe it was better if they had it out. Maybe.

Whiskey bottle in hand... and thank the PTB for adult drinks... he dragged the door open. With his vampiric senses back at work, he could hear Xander's heart straining slightly and his blood rushing. He must have been running, or at least been in a bit of a rush. His gaze dropped to the DVD in the boy's hand.

"Told you I don't want it. You can keep it or throw it in the bin."

Xander slid in past Spike and into the apartment. The last time they'd had an argument Spike had slammed the door in his face, nearly breaking his nose in the process.

"What is your problem!"

"Problem? I've got no problems, Harris. You're the one with problems."

He took a swig of the liquor, and watched him move around the room. Fuck... those memories of kissing him at Hogwarts was interfering with his ability to think straight.

"I'm not the one who ran off! I was all set to pick up where we left off." Xander's glare melted into a frown, "Unless you don't want to?"

Spike crossed his arms. "Just where did we leave off? You, drooling over Draco. I'm not him. I'll never be him. And I don't even like him the least bit."

"I was not!" Xander protested, "For one thing, he's fifteen, and it would be icky. For another, you're way hotter than he is."

The last few words were mumbled as Xander lost his courage half way through the sentence.

"I am?" His arms dropped to his sides, and he set the bottle down. "I mean I know I am, but do you?"

"Just said it, didn't I?" Xander squirmed uncomfortably.

"Yeah, but..." Two strides later, he stood directly in front of Xander, searching his face. "Who were you kissing? I mean at Hogwarts?"

"" Xander replied, confused at the question. Who else could he have been kissing? Spike and he had been together pretty much all the time. Even if he had wanted to, Xander didn't have time to kiss anyone else.

"No, I mean who were you seeing... in here," he tapped Xander's temple, in the process moved so close, he could feel his warmth breath.

"Oh..." Xander sighed, leaning slightly forwards. "You," he said firmly, "definitely you."

"Well why didn't you bloody well say so," Spike groused, catching the lapels of Xander's jacked, he dragged him up hard against his body, bringing his mouth close... so very close to Xander's. "They did it in our bodies, you know?"

"I don't just know it, I can feel it," Xander muttered.

"You can? How does it feel," he asked, curious and now putting his arms around Xander, underneath his jacket. "Tell me."

Xander blushed.

"Mostly sore," he said, "Who knew Malfoy would top?"

"He made you sore... stop mentioning him to me, yeah?" He moved his mouth over Xanders in a heated kiss, his goal was to make him, his body, forget Draco, and only recognize him from here on.

"You could always work your own magic on me," Xander said slyly, "obliviate all the soreness out of me."

The only surefire ways of getting Spike to let go of a subject was the promise of fighting or sex. Xander used to rely on the former but the second option was becoming more and more attractive.

"Magic's nothing compared to what a vampire can do... a hundred years of experience, yeah?"

He walked backwards toward his bedroom, pulling Xander along and expertly helping him shed his clothes along the way. "Good thing its the Christmas season, you're 'bout to get the gift that keeps on giving..."

Xander laughed and followed Spike in the bedroom.

"Gotta love Santa!" he said.

The End

You have reached the end of "Spike and Xander's Excellent Hogwarts Adventure". This story is complete.

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