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Cobra Regenerated

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This story is No. 1 in the series "Crisis of Limited Xanders". You may wish to read the series introduction first.

Summary: Cobra. A Ruthless Terrorist Organization determined to rule the world. Buffy Summers. The Vampire Slayer. You just know something bad's going down in this fic.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Comics > GI JoeSithicusFR181193,59803119,47721 Feb 088 Jul 09Yes

Crisis of Limited Xander's Prologue

AUthor's Notes: To all my loyal fans who have enjoyed this story, sadly I am afraid that attempting to continue it as is at this point is next to impossible. I've just had it on hiatus for far too long and have completely lost track of where I was going ultimately. Also I will admit that this damn thing became a monster of a convoluted mess before I even got past Chapter One. I intend to reboot this story at some point in the future once other projects are complete, one of those projects is this one, the one that I'm starting off with this brand new chapter. Rather than delete all of my hard work leading up to this point I have opted to be a little more creative, so I ask you to read this chapter with an open mind, and please, please give the new direction a chance. That is all.

Reality exploded, the Earth cracked and shattered, the universe began to implode on itself becoming unglued. Everything meant to happen, did, over and over again until before anyone could even think to act it was destroyed.

Limbo; 00:00 Hundred Hours

Xander Harris awoke with a sudden jolt and glanced around in confusion, the Vypra triplets were still nearby, however everything else was different. The place looked like an abstract artists’ nightmare and on top of everything else it was far too bright for his liking. He couldn’t even begin to understand where he was, what had happened to the Red Ninja Dojo or even how it was possible for him to be where he was.
One corner of the room swung open revealing that the bright light had a door in it, feeling vulnerable and lacking any weapons except for his skills inherited by Snake-Eyes’ possession he slowly and cautiously approached this entranceway into the unknown.

“Come in, come in I won’t bite Mister Harris.” Xander strode into the room on the other side of the light door and found himself in a plain looking office from the nineteen fifties, with an old typewriter sitting on the corner a lone sheaf of paper resting unused on it.

“Ok, what’s the big idea and how did I end up here?” Xander demanded glancing around for the source of the voice.

“You ended up here because I destroyed your universe,” the mysterious entity stated matter of factly.

“You destroyed my universe?” Xander repeated incredulously.

“Well not completely, I kept a few bits and pieces here and there, look.” The desk suddenly was piled up with paper, Xander walked over and picked one up, on it was a scene in which Willow was acting decidedly un-Willow like.

“What’s this about Willow becoming the Baroness?” he demanded angrily.

“Oh if you hate that part, just wait until you see what I did to Buffy,” the voice stated with a brief chuckle.

“How dare you!” Xander shouted glaring up at the heavens. “I suppose you’re one of these Powers that Be, why not show yourself, let me get my hands on you, I’ll teach you not to mess with our lives.” Xander’s anger was genuine; his emotions were quite intense, unfortunately the unknown speaker failed to enlighten him with an appearance.

“I am not the Powers that Be, I am far more powerful than those hackneyed sawed off sycophants.” The being sighed and the papers on the desk vanished. “I don’t want to give out my name, and no I am not God, I just work on Her behalf in a way. But for lack of anything better to call me I suppose for the time being you can address me as The Writer.”

“God’s a woman,” Xander said.

“Well in my world view she is, actually I also dreamed up the idea that she was a little girl once, eight years old or so, but that’s neither her nor there.” The Writer made a throat clearing sound and a chair appeared in front of the desk. “Have a seat,” he offered with a light laugh. Xander complied by sitting down, he still had no idea what was really going on, but he sure wasn’t about to leave the only place where he might find the answers.

“Ok, so what’s the big deal?” he asked wishing he had someone to look in the eye for this weird conversation.

“The big deal is I’m afraid that once again I have far exceeded my grasp. Unfortunately my attempts to create have led to a sort of sticky situation. I’ve got Writer’s Block, and I can’t even begin to recapture the plotline or story points I was aiming for. So I decided to try and streamline everything, and what did I wind up with? Something even worse, I am now faced with a Crisis of Limited Xanders.” Xander had to take a moment to absorb this information, he couldn’t quite put it into any form of context that made sense, but he did realize that something a little odd was going on. Something beyond normal Sunnydale level oddness.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about Writer,” Xander stated bluntly.

“I thought you wouldn’t, how about I put this into a context you can understand, much like DC Comics I find myself stuck with a convoluted mess of multiple realities all attempting to spill into one another, personally I blame my over-reliance on Unicron, but the fact of the matter is there are just too many projects involved and God decided it was better for me to re-start or reboot the franchise rather than continue with the mess I’ve gotten myself into.” This explanation served to cause Xander a splitting headache, but it did help paint a picture of some semblance of what he was looking at here.

“Why me, I mean why did you approach me and not some other Xander or even Buffy from one of those other universes?” he asked.

“You’re the branching off point, you were the first full-blown project I got openly started in and therein lays the problem, since you are the first I’ve totally lost any semblance of understanding where I was going. My fault really, too many characters introduced without a cohesive plan that could be maintained,” the Writer paused briefly and Xander could almost swear he was seeing a man in his late twenties shaking his head across from him in the other chair. “I should have wrote out a clear cut story guide before I got too carried away, I mean Blackrock, Circuit Breaker, Autobots, Decepticons, G.I.Joe, Jem and the Holograms, Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four then I go and start throwing in the Real Ghostbusters. Ugh I can’t believe how ambitious I was, maybe somebody else would take a crack at following on from the original story with some overseeing by me, but for my part I hate to see anything remain unfinished.”

“This is getting nowhere,” Xander complained.

“Oh right, sorry, just lambasting my own foolishness. Look the point is you were the first Xander I ever helped along, which is why I need your help. This Crisis event has spread into a few other realities, the Predacons are holding it off as best they can, but I’m just not properly equipped to deal with it myself.” A black and white set popped up revealing a group of robots fighting against an unseen opponent, Xander saw himself amongst them dodging fire and using a rocket launcher to blow a lot of shit up. “I’m forming a group, a special team, you could call it my very own Justice League if you wanted. We’ve got to destroy a few places to make it work, merge others into a cohesive whole and trim out all the dead weight, but I, er that is to say God and the Muse felt it’d be more exciting if we turned this event into something entertaining for all the loyal fans. Which is where you come in, we that is I want you to lead this team.”

“You want me to what?” Xander slumped into the chair shocked by what this Writer person was telling him, he could hardly believe it. Some all powerful something or other wanted him to lead a Justice League like team to do, what? Fight the Legion of Doom? It made no sense, he was just Xander Harris, average Joe. Well maybe not average Joe, but he wasn’t a G.I.Joe yet.

“Heavy isn’t it?” Writer asked and the barely visible image of the late twenty year old male almost appeared again with a smirk on his lips.

“That’s an understatement and a half, what exactly will I be doing with this ‘Justice League’?”

“Well for starters, we’ve got to kill a few bad guys that have gotten too big to handle, Unicron, Warren Mears a couple of others. They’ve gotten a hold of my all-seeing eye and are using it to re-write the very fabric of the Multiverse that I began creating,” Writer explained with a frown.

“All-Seeing Eye? Sounds like a McGuffin,” Xander muttered.

“What good story doesn’t have one of those?” Writer asked with a laugh. “You’ll need the help of Gods, but when all is said and done I should be able to undo whatever it is they’ve been doing. On top of all that you’ll go back to where you were, with a few minor memory tweaks of course. So what do you say, are you up for a little change of pace Snake-Xander?” Mulling it over Xander wondered if it was such a good idea to go ahead with this, the Crisis on Infinite Earths from DC Comics had caused far too many deaths before all was said and done. What if he actually died during this insanity?
“Ahem, did I neglect to mention you’ll get to have sex with quite a few babes?” Writer said in a sly tone.

“I’m not that shallow anymore,” Xander argued.

“You’re a teenage boy who’s only done it with a trio of triplets, far cry from the usual quota they tend to expect in these sorts of things.”

“Ok, I’ll do it; I’ll lead your team. But who exactly am I going to be leading?”

“Oh, I think you’re going to like this,” Writer replied and another door opened to Xander’s right. “Mind you though, don’t expect anything too… special, I only have a couple of other realities to choose from… I mean to take from. But I’m sure you’ll find your new unit adequate enough, just step through that door and begin your journey to learn all of the origins for each of them.” Xander hesitantly rose from his seat and made his way towards the new door of light, taking one last look at the office and the desk behind him he left, where he was going now though was anybody’s guess. Once he stepped through the door though and it slammed shut behind him the page on the typewriter began to fill with words.

‘Alexander LaVelle Harris found himself inside a strange looking circular room, seamless and without any windows or apparent doorways, the only piece of furniture in this room was a viewing globe, peering inside he was treated to the first scene of the life of one of his new teammates, the universe in which Buffy Summers became Unity…’

To Be Continued in The Pact…

The End

You have reached the end of "Cobra Regenerated". This story is complete.

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