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Alphabet Soup

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Summary: Harry Potter has decided to take a vacation from the hassles of being the Boy-Who-Wouldn't-Cark-It, and so goes to the U.S. While there, he has several adventures of the alphabetical sort. Eventually, he drags a fellow trouble-magnet with him.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > General
Harry Potter > Xander-Centered
DuctileFR1521,2530104,51222 Feb 0822 Feb 08No

"A" Is For Apparating

Alphabet Soup

"A" Is For Apparating

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Joker, Harley or the hyenas. If I did, the hyenas would eat Harley, paralyze Joker, and be sweet little puppies to Harry. As it is, not even in fanfiction can I do what I like with them.

Author's Note: Hey, folks! To explain how this story works, there will be howevermany chapters in alphabetical order. In each chapter, every sentence will begin with its specific letter, unless there is no conceivable way to do so. For example, this chapter is the "A" chapter, and every sentence in it begins with the letter A. That is how the entire fic will progress. Although, if it's just not possible to begin every sentence with the same letter, I'm giving myself a little leeway. This is a humorous exercise in creativity, but it's not supposed to make my head explode.
Chapter 2 will be up soon, and will introduce Xander to the plot. Although I'm sure this story could be made more fun with some interesting pairings, I'd like to keep the whole thing in the General category, so, unfortunately, no romance. Please have fun, y'all, and, if my explanation was unclear (quite probable, considering I haven't slept over 56 hours), please feel free to drop a note, and I'll try and clarify. Otherwise, enjoy!





An irate Harry growled out an expletive, holding his aching head as tightly as possible. A noise echoed through his head, aggravating his headache even further. As much as he didn’t want to know how much trouble he had gotten himself into this time, he knew he had to open his eyes and face the world. Additionally, he wanted to find a cure for his headache. Apprehensively, he opened his eyes.

“Ah, there you are, green eyes,” a bizarrely happy voice spoke up just by his left ear. A shudder went through the teenage boy at the insane edge to the voice. “And how is my little green eyes doing?” A face appeared within Harry’s line of vision.

A laugh bubbled up in the teenager’s chest. A clown?! And he had been terrified!! Amusement brought a wide grin to his face.

“A smile! My, my won’t we get along well!” A crazy grin widened the clown’s face. Amusement still giggling in the back of Harry’s mind, he tried to sit up. Alas, his initial fears proved to be well founded: he was tied up. Aggravation took over Harry’s brain for a moment.

“Absolutely smashing,” he grumbled. “All I wanted was a nice vacation in the U.S. America seems to have it out for me- this is the third time I’ve been kidnapped here in as many weeks! And who knows what I’ve landed myself in this time!” As he rambled, the clown frowned down at him.

A hand slapping across his face brought Harry out of his funk. “Ah, ah, ah!! An abysmal habit, whining is! And we were getting on so well!” An awful cackle filled the air. “Ah, but I haven’t introduced myself!” An insane light flickered in the clown’s eyes. “As you have, perhaps, guessed, I, my dear green eyes, am Joker!”

Annoyed, Harry rolled his eyes. Approximately ten minutes had passed since he awoke in the presence of the madman, and it was ten minutes too many. Ah, bloody hell; where was his wand? A small shiver of relief swept his body when he felt in his wrist holster. After hearing Moody’s lectures one too many times, he had bought the holster and kept his wand there, disillusioned, ever since. At any time, with barely a flex of his wrist, he could draw the wand and use it. Alas, his arms were tied behind his back.

“And these, my green eyes, are my babies,” the annoying voice interrupted his thoughts. Apprehensively, Harry looked to see what a madman would call his ‘babies’. A low growl filled the air as the teenager stared into the feral eyes of two hyenas. Ah, crap. A shiver went down his spine, and he made up his mind. Again, he rued his habit of finding trouble wherever he went. At least he was used to it by now, and could quickly formulate a plan.

Apparation it was, then. Anything to get away from that madman and his hyenas! A quick flex of his wrist, and a contortion that would have made a circus performer jealous, and the wand was in his hand. “Apparate!” And suddenly, the teenage boy was no longer there, and Joker was left staring in shock at the empty ropes.

“Apparently, I need to talk to Harley about getting better rope,” the clown mused to himself, then turned away, having already forgotten ‘green eyes’.

Word Count: 566
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