: Internet BondAuthor
: I'm not Bellesario or CBS, so I don't claim to own them.Written For
: NFA Chinese Fic ExchangePairing
: Non-Graphic SlashBeta
: Saturn, thanks for baring the slash-i-ness!CFE Prompt
: From Sherry - Tony loves movies, but he also loves . . . Elflord? A secret gamer's tag is revealed, leaving McGee shocked and pleased.
Handir, Elf Lord of the Majestic Forest moved silently through the trees looking for his target. The perimeter defense magic he had performed just days before had delivered its silent alert signaling an intruder in his domain. It was too soon to know if the intruder was friend or foe. He scanned the ground below looking for any sign of the intruder, his elven senses telling him that something was near.
Then he saw a slight movement to the west and, using his tree hook, swung through the branches to get a look at the intruder. Moments later, he came to a rest and stared down at the being that dared to enter his lands.
The intruder was a human man with the build of a fighter. The leathers he wore across his body were untarnished which could either mean they were a new acquisition or the man himself was new to the world he wondered. If it were the first, Handir would have to tread softly, because looks could be deceiving.
Handir was more inclined to believe the human was new to traveling the hinterlands of their world, for he had no visible armor on his body. There was a smallish sword strapped to his back that looked as if it would do nothing more than deliver a light cut to its target. He appeared to have only one carry bag, which meant he was light on rations.
Watching the man take in his surroundings without the carefulness that he usually associated with the more skilled humans, Handir made his decision on how to confront the trespasser. He reached into the quiver and pulled out one arrow and with his bow, he fired the arrow into the ground about three steps in front of the man. He watched with a smile as the man jumped back and turned his head wildly in every direction as he tried to pull his sword free from its scabbard.
“Who’s out there?!”
Handir laughed silently when he heard the rushed question. No experienced traveler would alert the world to his position that way. Taking pity on the newcomer, Handir dropped gracefully from the tree to greet the man.
“You should be more careful,” he said warmly. “Not everyone or everything in this forest is welcoming of strangers.”
The man swung his sword around in greeting. “I’m not afraid of a fight.”
“I’m sure you’re not,” Handir said with a laugh. “But I don’t think you want to fight me. I was actually going to help you.”
“Who says I need help?” the man asked as he lowered his sword slightly.
“Judging by the new clothes, the cheap sword and the lack of supplies, I’d say you were a noob.”
Handir chuckled. “Newbie; new to the world around you. You haven’t been around long enough to gain the experience and tools you need to survive. Maybe that’s what I should call you; Newbie.”
The sword raised up slightly as the man narrowed his eyes. “The name’s Bond and I’m a ranger. Whatever that means,” he added in a lower tone.
Handir risked stepping closer to Bond as he held out his hand. “I’m Handir. I take it you like James Bond?”
“Shaken, not stirred,” Bond said with a laugh. “Connery was the best. So, you think you could help me out?”
“Sure. I wasn’t planning on going on any quests in the near future. I usually don’t have enough time to devote to them anymore. But helping the noobs get on their feet is a fun pastime. So Newbie, will it be easier to start with what you do know or what you don’t know?”
“Probably what I do. I don’t even know how to upgrade this thing I call a sword. It seems kind of flimsy compared to the one you have.”
“Comparing ‘swords’ already? You work fast Bond,” Handir placed a hand on Bond’s shoulder and they walked further into the trees he called home.
“I’m a man of many talents. Give me some time to get used to this forest and you’ll never know what hit you.”
“I bet--" Handir cut his words off as he heard the cell phone ring. “Damn. I’ve got a call. Can we continue this later?”
Bond had stopped walking before he hastily replied. “Strange timing, so do I. Want to try tomorrow night, life permitting of course?”
“Sure Bond! Talk to you later!”
McGee turned away from the screen and hastily picked up his phone seeing Ziva’s name on the caller ID.
“McGee,” he said quickly. He listened as Ziva briefly outlined what the new case was and then grabbed his gun and badge before heading for the door. He cast one last look at the screen where Handir was frozen in place next to the ranger.
‘Hope I can sign on tomorrow night,’ he thought to himself as he headed down the hall.
Two nights later, McGee all but stumbled into his apartment. He wanted nothing more than a long shower and his bed. But as he walked past his computer screen, he saw Handir still frozen in place and winced.
The shower and bed forgotten, he lowered himself to his desk chair and activated the window.Handir looked around his forest home and didn’t see any noticeable changes, right down to Bond standing there. He walked closer to the motionless man and asked in a tentative voice, “Bond? Are you there?”
Bond all but jerked to life before he smiled. “Man, I’m sorry,” Bond said in greeting. “The last few days have been rough and I couldn’t get back until just now. Hope you haven’t been waiting around for me to come back from la-la-land.”
“We must be on the same wave length. I just got back myself. Real life doesn’t wait while you try to create a second one online.”
“No it doesn’t, especially if you have a boss that thinks he’s a drill sergeant at times and won’t let you stop until the job is done.”
“Sounds like the boss I have. Maybe all bosses are that way.”
“Nah. I’ve had several bosses and believe me, my boss takes the word boss to a whole new level.”
“We’ll have to compare notes sometimes, Newbie,” Handir said as he motioned Bond to follow him.
“You’re gonna keep calling me Newbie, aren’t you?” Bond asked as he trailed behind.
“It fits you,” Handir said just before Bond reached from behind and tapped him on the head.
“Whatever you say Elf Lord,” Bond said as he strode past.
Over the next several months, McGee found himself spending what time he wasn’t at work on the computer talking with Bond. He started to wonder if they were meant to meet because it seemed they were always signing on or off at the same time; and with McGee’s haphazard schedule, that was nothing short of a miracle. McGee also discovered that the more he talked with Bond, the more connected he felt to the other man.
He had been thinking about that fact very hard for the last week. In general he preferred women, but every so often, his eye would drift to a man. But he had never met Bond, so he could only base the attraction off of their conversations.
With a sigh, he pushed the thoughts aside as he logged in to the game.Handir walked over toward the home, for lack of a better word, he had built with Bond. Bond had decided after one quest that he didn’t really have the time or energy to always be out wandering on a quest. He would leave on brief forays and come back with new weapons, armor or treasures. During the rest of the time, they would work on projects that ranged from security magic to learning the trade of forging their own weapons.
It was that time that Handir treasured the most. As they set about doing their work, they would have long talks about life. He had learned through those talks how Bond had had a less than stellar home life as a child. His family, while rich, had not been the Brady Bunch. His father had all but disowned him and now the only people he was close to were the ones he worked with.
Handir had shared how he always felt inferior to those around him. He wasn’t a very physical man and he always working to prove his worth through his experience with computers.
Bond had just said that that made the two of them the perfect team. Handir was the brains while Bond could be the brawn. That’s when he all but demanded they needed a place to live other than sleeping under the trees.
Handir left his thoughts behind as he walked through the doorway. He came to dead stop at the sight before him. Bond was standing in the room without any clothes.
“Um, Bond?” he sputtered out. “Where’s your clothes?”
“I, um, I kind of lost them in a card game with this dwarf.”
“Oh, didn’t I tell you to be wary of dwarves, Newbie?” he joked as he walked closer to tap Bond on the head.
“Sure you did Elf Lord, but I’m not the brains, remember?” Bond said as he caught Handir’s hand before it reached his head.
They stood in the room holding each other’s hands for several moments before Bond broke the silence.
“I would say this reminded me of some kind of movie, but I can’t think of one right now. Don’t take this the wrong way, but is there something going on between us?”
“I’m not sure,” Handir answered honestly. “Do you want there to be something?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never done this kind of thing before.”
“The guy thing, or the online thing?” Handir asked quietly.
“The online thing. Does the guy thing bother you?”
“Not really, but I’m not that kind of guy most women go for, let alone men,” Handir said.
“It can’t be that bad Elf Lord and if I’m going to be walking around au naturale, I think you should join the club,” Bond smile as he reached up to tug at the light tunic Handir wore.
Handir pushed the hands away before saying, “If I’m getting naked, I’m doing it on my own terms.”
He almost died laughing when some music from some cheesy porno began playing over the audio player that Bond had acquired on a recent foray.
“Just setting the mood Elf Lord.”
Two weeks had passed since that evening and Handir had explored the limits of their world with Bond. Each day they found some new way to express the new feelings between them, but it left them both wanting in the end. They could talk all they wanted, but they couldn’t do the things they really wanted to try with each other.
Handir sighed as he waited for Bond to return home and contemplated what he wanted to say to the other man. He was jarred from his thoughts when Bond breezed inside.
“How’s it going tonight Elf Lord?” Bond asked and Handir twitched slightly at the emphasis on his title.
“Not too bad,” Handir said quietly as they shared an embrace. “But I was outed at work today.”
“As in ‘out of the closet’ outed?” Bond asked cautiously as they moved to sit on the blanket in front of the fire.
“Not that bad at least,” Handir said with a little shudder. “That would be worse, I think. No, my boss somehow found out I’m an Elf Lord.”
“So he called you Elf Lord in front of everyone?”
“Yeah, and I probably lost what little respect I had.”
“I wouldn’t go that far. But you have to admit that Elf Lord is prime teasing material. I’d use it if we really met each other.”
“I don’t doubt it, Newbie,” Handir chuckled as his nerves eased a bit.
“How about it?” Bond asked randomly.
“How about what?” Handir said in a confused tone.
“How about we meet in person? You know, arranging a time and place out in the real world with some kind of strange code so you know I’m me when you see me.”
“I guess, I mean we’ve talked about it before… What brought this on?”
“Just wanted to show you that some people can like an Elf Lord no matter what.”
“Even if I look like some computer geek?”
“Even then, Pro-- Prove it to you, I will!”
“Okay, where we meeting? It needs to be some place public,” Handir added quickly.
“How about the steps at the Lincoln Memorial? Always a crowd there. I’ll be wearing a green turtleneck and I’ll show you my real Connery impression. It’s much better in person.
“It’s a date,” Handir smiled. Then they moved from discussing the real world to the world that they already had and loved.
McGee brushed his hands down his sides to wipe away non-existent wrinkles in his shirt. He was ready to back out of this meeting, but the part that wanted to meet the real Bond overruled his nerves. With his stomach rolling, he walked toward the steps that led up to the Lincoln statue.
He cast his eyes about the crowds of people looking for someone alone in a green turtleneck. He saw families and school groups all around but no single males that could be his Bond.
Then he jumped as he felt a hand lightly tap the back of his head. Whipping around he was greeted by a smiling Tony.
“Tony!” McGee all but screeched. “What are you doing here?”
“Just taking in the sites, Probie,” Tony said lightly. It was then that McGee noticed the green turtleneck Tony had on.
“Um, Tony?” McGee questioned as his mind whirred with the odds of Tony being Bond.
“Shocking. Positively shocking, Elf Lord,” Tony said in his best Sean Connery voice. Then he switched over to his own voice and added, “I meant what I said, Tim. I may tease you, but I still like you and Bond more than likes Handir, so what’d’ya say we take this somewhere else and do a little role-playing in real life?”
“That has got to be lamest line you’ve ever used Tony,” McGee said with a smile as the nerves and shock settled into something else entirely.
“But it worked, didn’t it, Elf Lord
,” Tony said with a triumphant smile.
“If that’s what your little delusion of grandeur says, then yes it did, Newbie
,” McGee smiled back and they started on a their first quest together.