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Five Universities Dawn Never Visited

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This story is No. 2 in the series "5 things collection". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: These things didn’t happen after ‘Chosen.’ Dawn snarks during a series of campus tours.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Comedy > Dawn-CenteredShyBobFR131497191,6881 Mar 081 Mar 08Yes
Author’s Notes: Yeah, so I misread the title of Nerdgirl’s story ‘Universes Dawn Never Visited.’

Story Notes: Mostly true. Mostly.

Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all associated characters are property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Productions, United Paramount Network, and Fox Television. This work is not for profit, and no ownership of aforementioned copyrighted material implied, nor any infringement intended.

* * *

University of California, Riverside

“A little-known fact is that this campus was the filming location for two cult classics: ‘Going Greek’ and ‘Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death.’ And for those of you old enough to drink, you have to go to The Barn for a beer on campus, because The Pub only serves non-alcoholic beverages. As we cross the quad you can see the 161-foot tall Carillon Tower, often referred to by professors of Women’s Studies as ‘that giant phallic symbol.’ Please be aware that the clocks on each of the four sides all show different times.”

“I’m so glad Willow didn’t come here with me to check out the campus,” Dawn muttered under her breath.

* * *

University of California, Irvine

The tour guide kept up a non-stop monologue of useless facts throughout the tour. “...and you’ll note the unique design of the campus center. You cannot easily see the center of Aldritch Park from the original buildings on campus. This makes it much harder for protests to disrupt classes.”

“Where DO you go to have a good protest on campus,” Dawn wondered aloud.

* * *

University of Pennsylvania

The undergrad continued dispensing factoids to the few interested parents among the crowd of incipient college students. “For those of you with historic or patriotic interests, Independence Hall, signing place of the Declaration of Independence, is nearby. And if you stand in line you can peer at the Liberty Bell out in the parkway, surrounded by bulletproof glass.” The tour guide was obviously running low of things to ramble about. “And here we have the statue of Ben Franklin seated on the bench. If you matriculate here you will sooner or later have to have your picture taken by your parents while you sit next to old Ben.”

“My parents are dead,” said Dawn.

* * *

University of Chicago

“And if you matriculate here, you only walk through that arch one time. And this is the place where they filmed the beginning of ‘When Harry met Sally.’ And if you continue down the street you get to Ida Noyes Hall, which is best known for Ida Noyes Pub in the basement. The bartender’s great—he has a Ph.D. in philosophy.”

“And he’s a bartender here,” Dawn said in disbelief.

* * *

California State University Bakersfield

"And here you have the university sculpture, donated by the class of 1975. Although CSUB was founded in 1965, classes did not start until 1970. The campus has seen a great deal of recent growth, although we believe it keeps its ‘hometown university’ feel.”

Dawn raised her hand, but didn’t wait to be called on before speaking in a loud voice. “Is it true that the EPA shuts down campus when you get wind blowing from the direction of the refineries?”

* * *

So, have you decided where you’re going to college,” Buffy asked.

“Yep,” Dawn said around a mouthful of chips. “Figured I’d give in to the stereotype and go to Oxford.”

FIN

The End

You have reached the end of "Five Universities Dawn Never Visited". This story is complete.

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