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Draco Malfoy and the Enlightening Experience

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Summary: An accident in potions gives Draco an opportunity to experience how the fairer sex lives. It turns out he's a lot more likeable that way. Follow girl!Draco, Tracey Davies, quirky!Luna, and confused!sometimes Oedipal!Harry through their sixth year…

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Multiple Pairings > Romance(Moderator)JoeHundredaireFR182137,365212964,0565 Mar 0816 Apr 08No

Chapter Twenty-One

Joe's Note: And now, because one or two of you demanded it, more Luna and the girls at Hooters. Then some other stuff. Including Harry, and a snippy Hermione's thoughts on Hooters. And the inevitable, once per fic minimum mention of bagpipes. Enjoy.



     "Chicken wings: you're doing it wrong."

     Andromeda flicked her wand, sending the remains of her hovering chicken wing to the dish they were using to hold the bones and then looked Luna over, taking in the orange sauce smudged all over the blonde's fingertips, lips, and even one cheek for some reason. "Somehow, Lovegood, I really don't think so."

     Shaking her head, Lara grabbed another wing off the fifty-piece platter they'd ordered. "Actually, I ate here this sommer when I was visitin' Hogsmeade, an' the waitress saids yoo're supposed to use yuir hands. After all, this's a muggle place an' they kin't hover wings, now kin they?" Andromeda opened her mouth to comment and Lara waved her new chicken wing to cut the blonde off. "An' me muther took me to America last sommer for vacation. I ate at a wizards-only restaurant that did wings and tha's how THEY did it too."

     "And bully for them. Just because they want to eat with their hands like savages, doesn't mean that…" Andromeda trailed off, jaw dropping in disbelief as she looked over at Tracey. The brunette's hair was pulled back out of the way and she'd shoved her wand into the mess to keep it in something vaguely bun-like as she gnawed on a chicken wing. "Et tu, Tracey?"

     Tracey swallowed and shrugged sheepishly. "No offense, Andi? But you're waving your wand like Gilderoy Lockhart to avoid having to grab a chicken wing. You look ridiculous." Looking down at the wing, she leaned in and licked at where a small trail of sauce was oozing down her thumb. "It's a little messy and greasy, but you know what they say: when in France…"

     "…use a translation charm and speak French, or they'll make rude comments behind your back about being a tourist." Andromeda eyed the platter dubiously, fingering her wand. She'd never, EVER used her hands to eat anything apart from an apple or pear. No cooked food, ever. Wait, sometimes the hors d'oeuvres were cooked. But not actual dinner. That just wasn't done in polite society, at least according to her parents. "I don't know, I… MMPH!"

     Biting down instinctively to keep the thigh from dropping out of her mouth and landing on her beautiful blue robes, Andromeda looked down at it before glaring at Lara. The younger girl just grinned and shrugged. "Yoo keep talkin' when yoo shoulds be eating. Chicken's gettin' cold."

     Andromeda debated using a levitation charm on the wing, but decided trying to cast those kind of spells at her own face was a fairly bad idea. With her luck, she'd end up tearing some teeth out of her mouth or something equally bizarre. Tucking her wand away, she reached up and grabbed the wing, being careful to touch as little of it as possible. "I hete yew."

     "Doon talk with yuir mouth full. 'Tis bad manners."

     "Eat your food, Andi. You still owe me a trip Honeydukes."

     "You know, the color of this 'chicken' reminds me a bit of heliopaths. You don't think the Minister is having them killed and fed to the populace now that his secret army isn't so secret anymore, do you?"

     Andromeda glared at the trio. They were ganging up on her now. Maybe Tracey was onto something with the whole Christian thing, because someone up there definitely did NOT like her. Swallowing the chicken in her mouth, she took a sip of soda to try and chase away the burning taste of the sauce. It didn't work particularly well. "So, Lara. You're a Puff and you're dating Lovegood. What else should I know about you?"

     There was no reply until after Lara had finished off her latest wing and set down the remains. "Hmm. Me family's been piur almost as long as the Blacks. Few of my ancestors are Blacks, actually, so we're related somehows. We were gettin' a wee bit inbred an' tha's where the piebaldism came from, or at least that's oor best guess." She smiled sheepishly, reaching up to toy with her white bang using her one remaining clean finger. "Luck'ly, gran'da met a woman whiles he was servin' 'gainst Grindelwald in Germany an' married her. Gots some fresh blood into the family. Me da did the same with me mum, who's from Russia. Oh, an' Luna's teachin' me to cast the patronus. So far, I've gotten it mostly corporeal an'… noisy."

     "Could be worse, you know. On the inbreeding front, that is. Look at Crabbe, Goyle, Bulstrode, and Parkinson." Andromeda shuddered; her family had emigrated from France recently (at least in the pureblood scheme of things) and so it had escaped the worst of the intermarrying that the British wizarding world was infamous for. She paused in mid-reach as she rolled the last statement around in her head. "Your patronus is… noisy?"

     "Aye. The patronus reflects the person casting it, yoo knows." Lara blushed faintly. "Mine seems to look a lot like the pictures of me gran'da from back when he fought with Dumbledore. He was the comp'ny piper an' his patronus form plays the pipes… an' we can hears it."

     A bagpiper patronus. Andromeda snorted and grabbed another wing to avoid saying something that'd get her in trouble. Now she'd heard everything.



     "It's unnatural, wrong, and I don't like it. At all."

     "You're barmy, mate. Even if one of the girls is evil, two girls kissing is always hot."

     "Really, Harry, as someone who was raised by muggles, I would expect you out of all the students here to be tolerant of that sort of thing."

     Harry looked away from the kissing couple and glared at Ron and Hermione. "Erm, I was referring to the fact that there is a girl over there snogging a metamorphmagus who enjoys running around looking like my MOTHER. But thanks, really, for assuming the worst of me. I appreciate it. Honest."

     Coloring a bit at Harry's rebuke, Ron opened his mouth to respond but Hermione was (as always) quicker to compose her thoughts. "Oh Harry, you really need to get over that. She's just trying to bait you. And it's all your fault in the first place, you know."

     "Oh?" Harry crossed his arms over his chest, going back to watching Andromeda and Tracey just to avoid Hermione's mildly condescending look. "And how do you figure that one?"

     Hermione sniffed and her hand appeared out of the corner of his eye, gesturing to the pair. "Simple. You thought it would be brilliant to flirt with Andromeda because it made her uncomfortable, since she used to be Draco. If you hadn't tried that, she wouldn't have started assuming your mother's form to deter you from flirting with you. So you see? It's your fault."

     As much as he wanted to deny it… Harry realized Hermione was probably right on that count. Bugger. He hated when that happened, which made the frequency of such occurrences even more annoying. "So you're saying that maybe if I leave her alone, she'll go back to looking like herself?" That felt a bit too much like defeat for his tastes, though, and that had never happened in the history of his feud with Malfoy. Did he really want to start now?

     "Exactly, Harry, exactly. I know Andromeda is a Death Eater, and you know she's a Death Eater, but you've got to let this feud go. At least for now. Let the headmaster and the aurors worry about her. If she does something, they'll handle her." Hermione tugged on his sleeve, trying to lead him away. "Now come along. I want to discuss my ideas for a group to try and convince these waitresses that they deserve better and more respectful working conditions. Those shorts are simply scandalous."

     "But on the other hand, this is the closest Malfoy has gotten to pranking me in the entire time we've been here. My father and Sirius would be horrified. I can't let her get away with it." Harry turned toward Hermione and offered her a wide smile. "Now that I know why she's doing it, I know now that all I have to do is ignore it and keep flirting with her anyways. Thanks, Hermione!"

     Hermione groaned and reached up to rub her temples. "Oh, why do I even bother sometimes..?"



     As they broke apart again so they could breathe, Tracey leaned in and rested her forehead against Andromeda's. "Potter and his minions aren't watching anymore. Can we go to Honeydukes now and save the physical affection for when we get back into the castle?"

     Andromeda blinked and turned to look around at the other students wandering up and down the street. Sure enough, Potter, Weasley, and the mudblood were walking away, Granger gesturing with her hands as the two boys trailed one step behind so they could mock her. "Oh. I didn't even know they were there. I was just waiting for Cherise to stop lingering at that table near the front window."

     "So you're not kissing me to irritate Potter, you're kissing me to irritate our overenthusiastic and none too bright waitress. Lovely." Tracey turned her head to look over at Hooters. "I feel so used sometimes."

     "Aye, but it could be worse. Yoo coulds be gettin' used by someone who dinn't gives anythin' back." Lara chuckled and nodded toward the retreating forms of the Golden Trio as the quartet started off in the opposite direction. "Imagines the poor lass who ends up stoock with Weasley."

     Raising an eyebrow at the disdain in Lara's voice when she mentioned her least favorite blood traitor, Andromeda chuckled. "I thought you Puffs were all friends with Saint Potter and his merry little band of morons?"

     Lara nodded and then shook her head. "I likes Potter. If it wan't fer his club last year, me DADA OWL nixt spring woulds be pretty much a gur'nteed fail. But Weasley an' Granger ain't Luna's biggest fans, an' they both too stupid to keep their mouths shut around those of us who like her. 'Accidentally' missed the target and hexed him thirteen times last year."

     "You know, Lara, all of a sudden you don't seem so bad. Well, for a Puff." Lara countered by sticking her tongue out in a startling display of maturity and Andromeda's wand jumped to her hand as she lunged toward the brunette. After all, new potential friend or not, she had a reputation to maintain.

     Squeaking, Lara ducked behind Luna for safety and Tracey wrapped one arm around Andromeda's waist, temporarily separating them. "So, we're going to proceed to Honeydukes because Andromeda owes me copious amounts of chocolate after eating my stash earlier this week. Any ideas as to what to do after that? Are we going to head back up to the school, or does someone have a better idea?"

     Eyeing Companions & Curiosities for a moment, Andromeda turned her attention back to the present as they reached the candy store and she opened the door for her girlfriend. "Actually, if you're willing, Lovegood, I'd like to ask you about some of the spells you used against my father in the Department of Mysteries…"

The End?

You have reached the end of "Draco Malfoy and the Enlightening Experience" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 16 Apr 08.

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