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Draco Malfoy and the Enlightening Experience

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Summary: An accident in potions gives Draco an opportunity to experience how the fairer sex lives. It turns out he's a lot more likeable that way. Follow girl!Draco, Tracey Davies, quirky!Luna, and confused!sometimes Oedipal!Harry through their sixth year…

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Multiple Pairings > Romance(Moderator)JoeHundredaireFR182137,365212964,8255 Mar 0816 Apr 08No

Chapter One

Title: Draco Malfoy and the Enlightening Experience
Author: JoeHundredaire (
Rating: R/FR18
Disclaimer: Captain Fangirlhumper… err, J.K. Rowling owns the Harry Potter universe. Wish they were mine so I could do utterly retarded things to them and watch my bank account get steadily larger, but sadly not mine.
Summary: An accident in potions gives Draco an opportunity to experience how the fairer sex lives. It turns out he's a lot more likeable that way. Follow girl!Draco, Tracey Davies, quirky!Luna, and confused!sometimes Oedipal!Harry through their sixth year…
Joe's Note: This another one from the 'where do I come up with this shit' files. Blame my sister for getting into a fanart100. I took a copy of the prompts and decided to have a bit of fun with this.

     Draco Malfoy scowled and alternated between stirring his Draught of Beautification and glaring at Harry Potter. Damnable Scarhead. It was bad enough that Slughorn didn't recognize the greatness of his family, one of the richest and purest in Britain, and heaped attention on Potter for no good reason, but now his nemesis was outperforming him in potions as well. That was intolerable. Potions was HIS subject. Even Granger couldn't outscore him in this one class… and yet now Potter was.

     Well, it was time to put a stop to his perfect streak. Draco hefted a chunk of an ingredient that he honestly didn't even recognize, stolen earlier from Slughorn's inadequately guarded storeroom. One gentle lob and Potter's potion would explode in his face, earning him a zero for the day and maybe even landing the prat in the hospital wing as a bonus.

     Or maybe even worse. Draco grimaced as he thought about the task he'd been given by the Dark Lord to accomplish that year while at school. How the bloody hell was he supposed to kill a wizard of Dumbledore's caliber? While Draco had a few ideas… a cursed necklace Borgin had acquired for him and poison for starters… even he wasn't arrogant enough to think himself capable of taking on the defeater of Grindelwald.

     More than likely, the task had been assigned to him because the Dark Lord was annoyed with his father for being captured after the Department of Mysteries fiasco, and he was supposed to fail miserably so the Dark Lord could then justifiably execute him. Not that knowing that helped him any. But… maybe if he could maim or even kill Potter, You-Know-Who would lift the insane burden riding on his shoulders? Let his father, godfather, aunt, or any other fully-grown wizard worry about Dumbledore?

     Draco forced his thoughts down and looked back and forth before smiling. Slughorn was nowhere to be seen, Potter and the Weasel were bickering with their little mudblood friend… the perfect time was at hand. Draco pulled his arm back, took aim… and then grunted as he was slammed into from behind, dropping the unknown ingredient into his own cauldron instead. He stared down in horror as his potion began to froth, quickly turning from a deep blue color to the most eye-wateringly bright shade of pink he'd ever seen.

     "Oh, so sorry about that m'boy!" Slughorn's jovial voice boomed in his ear but the hand that came down on his shoulder prevented Draco from jumping. Well, that explained where Slughorn was and why he couldn't spot him. Bugger. Good thing he hadn't actually tossed it or he'd have been in serious trouble, especially if Potter had gotten hurt. "If you can come this evening, I'll let you make up the lesson since I don't think you can salvage the potion during the class period. Entirely my fault; I see no reason to penalize you academically for my own clumsiness."

     Draco was mute as Slughorn waddled away, staring at the potion. No. It wasn't fair. Potter was supposed to be staring at a ruined potion right now, not him! Why? Why why WHY?!

     And then without warning, the potion exploded in his face and the world went pink… and then black.

     "Oh dear, oh dear." Harry looked up from his own work at the very familiar sound of a potion exploding… except it came from the wrong side of the room to be Neville. And for that matter, Neville wasn't in potions this year; it was just he, Hermione, and Ron representing Gryffindor. But if it wasn't Neville and admission to NEWT level courses were based on your OWL scores… who was incompetent enough to have blown up their potion?

     Draco Malfoy, it turned out. The blonde Slytherin was slumped over his worktable, covered in some sort of pink goo as Professor Slughorn fussed over him. "Anybody see what happened to Malfoy?"

     Shaking her head, Hermione didn't even look up from what she was doing, eyes glued to her textbook as one hand dropped ingredients into her cauldron and the other stirred the potion in progress. "No, Harry. Some of us actually need to pay attention to our work because we're not cheating using someone else's to get by in class."

     Harry sighed and shook his head; Hermione evidently STILL wasn't over the fact that the Half-Blood Prince knew better than the original author of their textbook and his alternative instructions made for better potions than the original recipes. Turning to Ron, all he received was a shake of his best friend's head. No help there, either.

     So, Draco had messed up his own potion. Huh. Harry turned and watched as Slughorn corked a vial of the pink stuff remaining in the cauldron before vanishing the bulk of it, including what was on Malfoy himself. He knew Malfoy was a Death Eater now. Was this all some sort of elaborate trick? Snape no longer controlled the dungeons; was this like when they'd sabotaged a potion with a firework in second year so Hermione could steal the ingredients she needed for polyjuice? He did a quick headcount. No, everyone was there… at least as best he could tell.

     Not that Malfoy had many allies in the class; apart from Nott, who was whispering with Slughorn, the house of snakes' only other representatives were two girls, a brunette and a redhead, and all three Slytherins were present. Neither of the girls was Pansy, Millicent, or the blonde Daphne he remembered from his OWL testing, and Harry idly wondered who they were and why after over five years, he still didn't know even their names.

     Before he could ponder that one for too long, Harry was jerked rudely from his thoughts when someone called his name. "Harry! Harry, m'boy!" Slughorn stood over Malfoy's prone form, gesturing down at the blonde. "Mr. Nott isn't nearly as skilled as you are when it comes to potions and I'd prefer it if he didn't miss the rest of this lesson. Would you be so kind as to escort Mr. Malfoy here to the hospital wing?"

     Actually, he wasn't that good at potions and had no real desire to help Malfoy out, but Harry swallowed both comments and nodded instead. Packing up his stuff, he walked over to where Malfoy was still unconscious and slumped forward on his table. "Locomotor Malfoy."

     Harry floated the Slytherin out into the hall and then started to slowly make his ways through the corridors and up flights of stairs toward the hospital wing. Then suddenly he froze. What better time to find out who was right, him or Hermione? Grabbing Malfoy's left wrist, he forced the boy's sleeve up.

     The Dark Mark stared up at him, a dark splotch on Malfoy's pale skin.

     Sucking in a breath, Harry tried to decide what to do next. Malfoy bore the Dark Mark. He'd been right. Did the blonde really deserve medical treatment? Should he go straight to Dumbledore instead? Suddenly, Malfoy's form wriggled and began to reshape itself, and Harry was instantly on guard. Polyjuice? But then if this wasn't the real Draco Malfoy, who was it?

     Either it was something other than polyjuice, Harry soon found out, or Malfoy had a hot female cousin who was impersonating him. Long blonde hair streamed down beneath her floating body and while the male uniform wasn't entirely flattering to the young woman's figure, it was snug enough in certain place to make it unmistakable that she had a nice body.

     Bloody hell!

     Harry began to run toward the hospital wing, guiding the floating blonde along beside him. He HAD to drop Malfoy off so he could get back and tell Ron and Hermione about this!
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