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Blind Date

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Summary: Inspired by a sub-plot in the 'Season 8' comics. Willow has found a way to cure the 'Giant Dawn' curse, but Dawn might not be too happy once she finds out the full implications of what she has to do. 500 word ficlet.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > King Kong(Current Donor)SpeakertocustomersFR1816000111,0675 Mar 085 Mar 08Yes
The characters in this story do not belong to me, but are being used for amusement only and all rights remain with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the writers of the original episodes, and the TV and production companies responsible for the original television show. BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER ©2002 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. All Rights Reserved. The Buffy the Vampire Slayer trademark is used without express permission from Fox. The Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 8 comic is the property of Dark Horse comics. King Kong was the creation of Merian C. Cooper.

Blind Date

Dawn’s head emerged from the freighter’s cargo hatch. “Are we there yet?”

“Nearly,” Willow replied. “Time to apply the perfume.”

Dawn picked up the four-gallon container between finger and thumb and worked the pump. “Nice,” she said, “but more fruity than sexy. Kinda like... banana.”

Willow swallowed hard. “Hey, he’ll like it, I promise.”

“He’d better. Although, hey, probably not that many fifty-foot women around for him to screw so I guess he’ll be horny anyway.” Dawn frowned. “You’re sure this is gonna work? Like, it was being an enormous slut got me into this predicament. More of the same might just make it worse and then, hey, the only career open to me will be totally trashing Tokyo.”

“It’ll work,” Willow assured her. “It’s sorta like homeopathy. Like cures like. Only without the diluting ten million times and the shaking. Uh, maybe there will be a whole lot of shaking going on.”

“And he’s tall, dark, and handsome?” Dawn pursed her lips. “Well, I suppose the tall is a given, but the rest?”

“Yep. Tall, dark, and good-looking, check.” Willow didn’t meet Dawn’s eyes.

Dawn sighed. “I won’t insist on the handsome part. I’ll boink an ugly guy if that’s what it takes to get me back to normal size.” She grimaced. “I won’t shrink until after he withdraws, right? I don’t want to, uh, explode.”

Willow winced. “It’s okay. It’ll take an hour for you to get back to normal.”

“That’s a relief.” Dawn gazed at the island off the port bow. “Where are we, anyway?”

“An island off the coast of Sumatra,” Willow told her.

“Called?” Dawn pressed.

“Uh, Skull Island,” Willow confessed.

“So not with the reassuringly normal name,” said Dawn. “Why couldn’t it have been Treasure Island or Pleasure Island or something? Or, considering why we’re here, even Penis Island?” She frowned. “Don’t tell me it has a hellmouth.”

“Nope. Definitely not with the hellmouth-having,” Willow assured her. “The name comes from a rock formation that looks like a skull.”

“Oh, yeah, I think I can see it,” said Dawn. “A penis-shaped rock would be more interesting.” She shook her head. “Boy, this whole ‘enormous slut’ curse is screwing with me big time. I can’t get my mind off sex. I so have to get laid and the curse broken.”

“Not long now,” said Willow.

“Good,” said Dawn. “Hey, what’s that noise? Drums and chanting. I’m getting this whole cannibal vibe. Or, hey, head-hunters. Kinda worrying. ‘Cause hey, my skull would probably match that rock formation pretty well.”

“The natives are celebrating the arrival of their god’s date,” Willow said. “They’re just, like, chanting his name. They’re glad he’s gonna get laid.”

“As long as they don’t want to watch, ‘cause ewww,” Dawn said. She concentrated on listening to the chants. “Willow, is there something you’re not telling me?”

“Uh, what makes you say that, Dawnie?”

“That name they’re chanting. I’ve heard it somewhere before.”

The native chant was clearly audible now. “Kong! Kong! Kong!”

The End

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