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This story is No. 1 in the series "The adventures of Xander and the demon cat". You may wish to read the series introduction first.

Summary: Xander really is a demon magnet. Crossover With CSI Miami. Could be slash later.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
CSI > CSI MiamixanderfanFR1312,1942597,3599 Mar 089 Mar 08Yes
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.

Warnings: Could be slash later.

***A/N: This could become a series, I'm still undecided.***

Xander was walking home from the construction site. He had to sell his truck a week ago to replace the money that Anya took when she left him. Apparently, she decided that she couldn’t live with the constant danger of vampires and demons, so she moved to Vegas. Her note was blunt just like her. She said that she didn’t want to waste her new found humanity by constantly putting herself in danger, doing the job of a slayer that doesn’t appreciate her contribution.

Her note stated that Xander should follow her example and leave too. Or at least stop letting them treat him as if he was expendable. Anya’s note also offered an invitation to come join her in Vegas so that they could continue being orgasm buddies, stating regretfully that she won’t be able to find anyone that loves oral sex as much as he does.

Her explanation on the money was that she needed it more that he did to buy herself a new outfit promising that she would pay him back when she becomes an accomplished showgirl. He couldn’t fault her decision and he would miss her at least when she was around he was never without sex. Every time he got horny, she’d show up, it was like she had a radar. She was also the only one that listened to him or seemed to really care about him, even with her faults, Anya loved him in her own little way.

Xander entered his apartment relaxation on his mind. A cold beer, some hot pizza, some sci-fi, and his day will be perfect. He was blissed out on the couch watching Dr. Who, when he heard the scratches at his door. He thought it was Spike trying to sneak into his apartment, so he walked to the door intending to surprise the vampire with his presence.

He opened the door, a scathing comment on his lip but no one was there. He failed to notice the shadow that took advantage of the opened door to enter the apartment. Xander shook his head and closed the door. As he walked back to the couch, he had the weird feeling that he was being watched. He was about to sit down, when tiny teeth bit him on the butt.

“oooowww” he yelped.

He turned to the couch holding the empty beer bottle on his hand as a weapon and paused mid swing. On the couch sat a tiny cat looking at him with unblinking eyes. It had beautiful violet eyes with a black slit in the middle; it was white with splashes of black on its tail. He stared surprised, trying to process what this creature was doing on his couch.

“What are you doing in here?” he asks.

The long whiskers twitched and the cat turned in a circle found a comfortable spot and laid back on her side, licking her paw and proceeded to ignore him. Xander didn’t know how to react to the tiny animal on his couch. The cat was definitely not normal especially with the color of those eyes. Xander decided to ignore the cat for now, tomorrow he’ll talk to Willow and maybe she’ll figure out if it was a normal cat.

He looked at the clock, it was 4’o'clock in the morning and he was tired. He didn’t have to go to the site but today was an exhausting day. Six men were missing and that had left him to manage a skeleton crew. Therefore, he had to pick up their slack so that the job would be finished by next week, so he was tired.

He decided to ignore his sore muscles and finish watching the Dr. Who marathon. He sat on the couch and picked up the almost empty bag of chips, he grabs a handful and stuffs them in his mouth and a growl startles him towards the cat that was staring at him. The animal growled again this time the sound was deep and ferocious, a sound that one would not expect to come out of a tiny and deceivingly cute animal.

Xander gets off the couch slowly and the growl ends. He moves back towards the couch and the growl comes back again this time deeper so he moves off again. He stares at the animal with a confused look on his face, not willing to believe that this tiny thing wants to lay claim to his furniture.

So, ever fearless, he moves towards the couch again and sits not intending to move no matter how much the thing complains. The growl begins and continues until they transform into a deep snarl. Xander watches as the cat unsheathes very sharp looking claws licks them meaningfully and moves deliberately towards him.

He jumps off the couch annoyed, “Are you kidding me? You can’t do that?”

The cat spares him a smug glance and goes back to licking his paw, claws still out as if daring him to get back on the couch.

“Well,” he says a little peeved, “You can have the couch.” He moves towards his bedroom muttering under his breath “demon animals with no manners, trying to take over. Didn’t even spend one minute in my apartment and lays claim to my couch. I can’t believe I’m such a demon magnet.”

He drags himself to the bed and lies down, still muttering about the unfairness of his life as he falls asleep. Two pairs of eyes watch him snore, one set of lavender glinting in victory and another belonging to a meddling Justice Demon.

Xander wakes up warm and well rested. He feels something moving on his chest and opens his eyes. He takes a look and quickly slams them shut. On his chest, the cat is comfortably seated and licking its butt. He groans and pokes the animal off not sparing a look at the annoyed meow. He lies back on his pillow and wonders why the alarm didn’t wake him up.

He leans up on his elbows and looks around and no clock. He looks on the floor and sees it, at least the remains. The claw marks on the plastic leave no doubt as to who killed the poor defenseless clock. He sighs and picks it up but there really is no hope the clock gives a last chirp and dies, a small puff of smoke fizzling out. He looks at the clock, looks at the cat licking its butt on his bed, and curses the fates for his terrible, terrible luck.

“At least, you decided to kill the alarm clock and not me.” He mutters on his way to the bathroom.

He gets dressed and turns to the cat, pointing in what he hopes is a threatening way, “You stay right there, I’m going to go find what kind of demon you are. Stay right where you are. Don’t move while I go get Willow to exorcise you.”

The cat doesn’t spare him a glance so he grabs his keys and walks out. He runs back in and brags the Hawaiian shirt that he left on the chair and runs back out never noticing the slight heaviness of the left pocket.

He knocks on Willow’s dorm, which opens to reveal Tara, “Hello Xander,” She says shyly, “Willow is inside, come in.”

Xander hugs a blushing Tara and walks towards Willow, and babbles at her, “Wills, you’ve got to help me. I have a demon cat in my house and you need to make it go away. It took over my couch and threatened me with sharp claws. Then, the little demon had the nerve to lick its butt on my chest after murdering my clock. You’ve got to help me!” he finishes with a shout.

“Calm down, Xander. I’ll help, what did it look like. Was it a Grr kind of demon cat?” she said her hand forming the universal clawing out sign. “Is it really big? Did it scratch you? Because if it did, you might be poisoned, you could be turning into a demon cat right now,” she says panic rising in her voice. She grabs his hand, “Sit down Xander before you pass out. Tara, babe, you gotta call Giles, Xander is turning into a demon. Tell him to bring ….”

Xander stops Willow mid-babble, his hand over her mouth. “It didn’t scratch me Willow,” then with a horrified voice he continues, “but it bit me. Oh my God! It bit me on my butt. Wills, it bit me on my butt. It’s going to fall out. I’m going to be walking around with no butt and children will laugh at me and throw rocks at me. I’ll become the old man that lives in the creepy house and yells at people on his yard. I’m doomed Wills. It took my nice butt. Call Giles, Call Buffy, we have to go slay the butt eating demon.”

Throughout the commotion, a tiny body jumped out of Xander’s shirt. Twin shrieks of surprise filled the room. Xander waves frantically at the cat on the bed, “that’s it, that’s it. It followed me here somehow. Willow, here it is, do your magic on it.”

“But Xander, it’s just a kitty.” She says as she moved towards it.

The cat turns to its head sharply towards her, lavender eyes fixed her with an evil stare. She squeaks away from it, “Okay, maybe you’re right. We have to get books and candles, and we need…”

“Willow, it’s just a cat. I don’t sense anything demonic about it.” Tara says, holding the cat to her breast.

“But, Tara, look at its eyes. They’re a weird color and it bit Xander on the butt and gave me an evil look. It’s evil; I can tell, it’s just hiding it right now.”

Xander nods decisively by her side rubbing his hand on his sore butt, “We need to slay it.”

Tara looks at them worriedly, baffled at their behavior and hugs the tiny cat to her chest not trusting the look on her girlfriends face right now.

“Why don’t we do a spell to find out if it’s evil, before we do anything?” She suggests.

Willow and Xander share a look and nod.

“Okay we’ll do a spell.” Willow agrees.

“And then we’ll kill it.” Xander adds.

They gather the books and begin to arrange necessary items for the spell. Two red blood candles are used because they couldn’t find black ones and since their supply seemed to be low they replaced a lot of ingredients. They used Hyacinth to replace the Vetivert that the spell demands. They couldn’t find their regular focus crystal, so they used a geode stone that they had found inches from the Hellmouth’s opening.

As they worked the components for their spell, they failed to notice that they were no longer doing a revealing spell. All the little changes that they made changed the essence of the spell. They sat Xander in a chalk circle and gave him the cat to hold and Willow and Tara joined hands the incantation spilling from their lips. As the last line spilled from their lips, “As We Wish,” the cat’s eyes changed to blood red. A blinding light spilled across the room and dissipated quickly, the witches sat rubbing the spots from their eyes as a resounding word vibrated the room.


“Where’s Xander?” Willow gasped looking at the empty circle. Neither Xander nor the cats were in the room.

Xander fell on the soft floor with a groan. He looks around and freezes at the red head holding the gun pointing to him.

“Would you mind telling me what you are doing in my house?”

“Umm, where am I?”

“You are in Miami and it seems that you have fallen out of thin air, naked and your cat is clawing at my couch.”

Xander stares at the evil cat and narrows his eyes. “You, this is all your fault,” the rest of the conversation enters his fogged brain and he shrieks “Naked?” and jumps to hide behind the couch.

Horatio looks at the blushing young man in amusement. This is not what he expected when he decided to come home after working overtime on a case on the Mala Noches. A beautiful, naked man falling from thin air is definitely not, what he had in mind. And the note written on the man’s left butt-cheek is not comforting at all. He wracks his brain trying to find a subtle way to ask the young man about the note on his butt.

“My name is Horatio Caine,” he says looking for any sign of recognition, he sees none and continues, “What’s your name?”


“Well, Xander do you know how you got here?”

“Well, WillowandTaraweredoingaspelltofigureoutwheretheevilcatcamefrom.It’sanevilcatbecauseitbitmeandkilledmyalarmclockandhasweirdevil-likeeyes.WedidthespellandIsortofffellherewiththeevilcat,naked.”

Horatio looks at the blushing man and sighs. How in the world is he going to explain this to the lab?

The note on Xander’s butt said, ‘Property of Horatio Cain. No Returns Accepted.’

***A/N: Leave me a review. Tell me what you think based on the responses I'll consider a series.***

The End

You have reached the end of "Here Kitty, Here Kitty, Kitty.". This story is complete.

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