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This story is No. 3 in the series "Adventures of Spike and Dru". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Spike and Drusilla go the the mall. Chaos entails.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Comedy > Cast: Scourge of EuropeJinxyFR1311,7970260822 Mar 0822 Mar 08Yes
Disclaimer: I own nothing.

“These aren’t right,” the dark-haired woman murmured in distress, her slightly sloping eyes widening as she shook her head. Her pale face was beginning to crumple as if she were on the verge of tears, and she shook her head harder, her words coming out as high-pitched, rapid, and tearful as a dismayed little girl’s.

“These aren’t right, Spike, these are so little and hard, and in those nasty little boxes… it’s like they’re in cages, horrible cages, and they’re trapped… where are the dolls like Miss Edith? Where ARE they?” Drusilla asked, and her hands went up to her hair, her fingers intertwining in its long brown locks harshly.

Looking from his undead lover to the rack of Barbie dolls before them on the Kay-Bee toy store shelf, Spike shrugged, perplexed as to what Drusilla found so bloody great about her ruffly, flat-chested porcelain dolls. He himself preferred the Barbies… they reminded him of a certain blonde Slayer, only even better, because they had large breasts to go with the scrawny plastic body.

But for whatever reason Dru’s tastes disagreed with his, and now she was bitterly disappointed. She had a right to be, really, Spike thought cynically; what kind of bloody toy store didn’t carry porcelain dolls?

“There now love, we’ll get you a friend for Miss Edith somewhere else,” he told her soothingly, wrapping a loving arm around Drusilla’s slim shoulders and cradling her dark head to his chest. Drusilla clutched at his trench coat, still gasping slightly, as though she were a child trying to stifle her impulse to throw a tantrum.

“Promise?” she mumbled pleadingly.

“Of course, love,” Spike reassured her, kissing the top of her head. “Come on now, there are lots of places left here to look in, Dru.”

Drusilla allowed him to lead her from the toy store, still snuffling slightly, but as he slid his arm down around her waist, Spike noticed her eyes lingering upon several of the store’s children with an interest and hunger that made him smile. They would have to stop for a bite to eat before they left…

Why Dru had gotten it in her head that she wanted to go to the Sunnydale Mall, Spike had no idea. But once she got an idea in her head, she was incredibly relentless about it. Less than two nights after she’d first mentioned wanting to go, he’d found himself taking her, just to end her incessant begging. Though as his sire, Drusilla was technically his vampire mother, she could be so much more like a child.

But then, as a perpetual adolescent himself, that suited Spike just fine. And he was finding that he was enjoying himself; shopping really worked up one’s appetite.

They had already gone to several clothes store and shoe shops, with Drusilla trying on an endless amount of clothes, then discarding them all, leaving them in a pile on the dressing room floors. None of them had been “right,” she had proclaimed fitfully, though several had earned Spike’s whole-hearted approval. Particularly the teddies from Victoria’s Secret. But he suspected that his pet was beginning to get frustrated- and when Drusilla was frustrated, she could be a very, very naughty girl.
Not that Spike had a problem with that, of course. But what with the bloody Slayer living around the corner, they couldn’t just kill and drink from every human they wanted to. A little discretion was in order if they didn’t want to be dusted by the blonde bitch.

“Look, love,” Spike said, pulling Drusilla to a stop before a dark, strobe-lit Spencer’s Gifts. “Valentine’s Day markdowns… want to take a look?”

Drusilla’s expression perked up a bit, and she looked at Spike with a gleam in her eyes.

“Do you think they have those little hearts with words on them to eat? Miss Edith likes to hear her food talking in her stomach. It keeps them from getting lonely in there…”

They made their way inside the store, walking past the heavy chained jewelry, drinking and marijuana paraphernalia, naughty posters and T-shirts, to the clearance shelf in the back. Spike’s eyes lit up as he scanned the shelves’ contents. Candy thongs, a sexy version of a gamepiece spinner, chocolate sauce… now this was the kind of sale and he was looking for.

“Look at these,” Drusilla scoffed, holding up a pair of toy handcuffs and a toy whip. “Puny little things, where are the real ones, Spike?”

“That’s all right, Dru, we’ve got plenty at home,” Spike replied with no little excitement as he hastily began to stuff several items into his trench coat pockets, both inside and outside. Far be it that he actually pay for the bloody things, of course.

Hearing Drusilla’s little cry of dismay, his head whipped around to look toward her line of vision. Two humans in their late teens were watching him, both amusement and apprehension on their white-powdered faces as they saw Spike and Drusilla looking back at them. The teens were all in black, with lank dyed hair, multiple piercings, and dark eyeshadow and lipstick. Probably their idea of a vampire, Spike thought resentfully. Humans and their bloody foolishness.

“What are you looking at?” he snapped belligerently. “You looking at me, you sodding wankers?”

He pulled his vampire face on them, briefly, but long enough for their already white faces to drain even further of color, and for their mouths to drop. As Spike calmly finished stuffing items into his jacket, eyeing the teens meaningfully, they began to back away, bumping all into each other, and then running. Drusilla’s eyes glowed, and she laughed in delight.

“Do it again!”

“In a little while, Dru,” Spike told her affectionately, “before we leave, we’ll scare the bloody hell out of the whole bloody building. Of course, then we’ll have to flee Sunnydale a while, but it’ll all even out eventually in the end…”

They had barely taken two steps out of Spencer’s before Dru pulled Spike to a stop, her eyes widening with glee as she pointed at the next store.

“A sunglasses shop!” she squealed. “Look, Spike, a sunglasses shop!”

“What?” Spike sputtered. “Dru, love, what do you need sunglasses for since you can’t even go out during the day?”

But Drusilla was already taking him firmly by the arm, dragging him into the small shop, beaming as she snatched up a black pair and placed them on her face, looking up at Spike expectantly.

“Do I look ravishing?”

Spike looked her over, smiling in appreciation. She did look good, despite the black frames clashing with her innocent-seeming white dress.

“Of course you do, darling. Don’t you always?”

“Put these on,” Drusilla instructed with excited glee as she thrust a pair of huge red sunglasses into Spike’s hand. She jumped up and down a little, grinning and clapping her hands in anticipation. “Put them on, Spikey, I want to see!”

Spike looked from the glasses to his girlfriend, who was still bouncing on the ball of her toes. He scowled.

“What?! I’m not wearing those bloody ridiculous things, Dru-“

“Oh, come on Spikey, put them on. Please? You’ll look very handsome,” Drusilla coaxed in a soft, winning tone, giving him a smile that struck of both innocence and impish delight. Spike continued to glower at her for a moment, not wanting to look a fool, but he could never resist that smile.

He shoved them on in annoyance, muttering. Had he any blood, his ears would have reddened. As it was, when Drusilla squealed with pleasure and amusement, clapping her hands and giggling, Spike wanted to stake her.

“Oh Spike, you look so delightful! Like a little-“

“Stupid prat?” Spike interrupted darkly. He ripped them off his face, causing Drusilla to squeal again, this time in protest.

“No no, put them back on, I want to see-“

“May I help you, sir, madam?” came a steely voice from behind them, and Spike spun around, seeing that a human and clearly irritated salesman was behind them.

Spike was about to retort with a barbing remark when the salesman’s face paled, and he stared at something just past them with obvious horror. Spike frowned, bemused, and then turned quickly, only to see the mirror directly behind himself and Drusilla. A mirror that showed only the salespersons’ reflection.

Looking back at the salesperson, he winked, trying to appear casual.

“Hey, something’s wrong with your mirror, mate. Better get someone to look at that, right?”

With that, he grabbed Drusilla’s hand, leading with her protesting in dismay out of the store, the sunglasses still on her face. The salesman didn’t try to stop them; Spike wasn’t sure the man could even move.

Drusilla’s protests stopped instantly when Spike dragged her into the next store, which just happened to be a pet store. Her eyes growing large, she dropped to her knees beside a cage holding a black Labrador puppy, cooing in delight.

“Ohhh how sweet… look at the little thing, Spike! I could just eat him up!”

Spike watched with amusement and indulgence as Drusilla swooped over to the rabbit pen, picking up a solid black rabbit and cuddling it to her cheek, rubbing her face on it.

“Ohhh how precious… are you a soft Mr. Whiskers Fluffykins? I could just squeeze you to death…”

“Dru, careful, love!” Spike said sharply in sudden alarm, but it was too late. Already Mr. Fluffy Whiskerkins’s body lay limp and broke in her vampire strong hands, inadvertently crushed.

Drusilla stared down at the corpse in her hand, aghast, her lips quivering, turning down, and her eyes filling with shining tears.

“I can’t feel his heart in my hand anymore!” she wailed in dismay. “He’s all still and he isn’t kicking his feet…”

“Yeah, kind of like the canaries you wouldn’t feed, huh?” Spike muttered, half exasperated, half affectionate. “Put him back, baby, let’s just go get something to eat, all right?”

Prying the rabbit from Drusilla’s grip and tossing it back into the rabbit pen, he looped an arm around her again, leading her sniffing away from the store, thinking cynically that if she were going to leave dead bodies behind, it should have at least been one they could have fed off of. Oh well… they’d alter that soon enough.

As they entered the mall’s food court, Dru straightened up beside him, her eyes shining as she made a noise of excited pleasure.

“Everything looks delicious…” she murmured, licking her lips.

“Of course it does,” Spike said with just a hint of a sneer. “Only the best for my girl. You can have whoever you want- it’s on me.”

The two strode into the crowd, eyes glowing eagerly.

end

The End

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