Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author notes: Another of the name in the hat lover challenges. I pick a Buffy character, put 20 characters in a hat, and draw out five names for the character to have had a sexual relationship with, whether in fantasy, reality, or wish. Main person is Faith this time, the lovers I drew were, in order, Billy Loomis from Scream, Lisa Roe from Girl Interrupted, Buffy, Angel, and Berdine from the Sword of Truth book series.
People wonder why I can’t commit to nothin’ or no one… gee, could that be because everyone I’ve ever tried to be with screwed me over so far? I ain’t even talkin’ about the whole parent thing, although both did screw me over royally. Dad by not existing, Mom by being a drunk-as fist-flinging whore. But what are the freakin’ chances that every person a girl gets with from the time she first starts dating either goes crazy or betrays her? Or both? Well I guess if you’re lookin’ at MY joke of a life, pretty damn good.
First there was Billy Loomis… I was about fourteen when we were dating. I was excited since he was a junior and I was just an eighth-grader. Should’ve been a sign to me right there, you know, but I was young and stupid. Not that much has changed in that area. But add desperate to believe the guy actually liked me and wanted me, unlike about everyone else in my life who made it clear that I was a mistake, a bitch, a slut, whore, a useless waste of space. Billy was a smooth little bastard, I’ll give him that, and sexy as hell. Horny too- but then, what guy wouldn’t be when some idiot fourteen-year-old is more than willing to sleep with him?
Of course, Billy never told anyone we were “dating,” or more accurately, fuckin’. He said it was so they couldn’t break us apart, but it was really so his ass couldn’t be slapped with a statutory rape charge. And of course the second I was in high school, where he’d actually have to see me beyond pre-arranged afterschool fucks, he broke up with me for this chick Sidney Prescott. Ended up lucky for me, since Billy went psycho and ended up killin’ a bunch of people in a freakin’ ghost mask. But still, there goes my first burn as far as lovers go.
Next was this chick Lisa Roe. That was right after Billy, and about as rebound as you can get. She was older too, a senior, and she had a crazy streak even longer than mine. She really knew how to find the fun, I gotta tell you- but she also knew exactly how to push everyone’s buttons. Taught me most of what I know in that area. Watch, Learn, Destroy was Lisa’s motto as far as people’s feelings went… and somehow I never knew what she herself was feelin’. Of course, she never did for me either- I wouldn’t let her. I felt like we were sorta the same person in two bodies sometimes… but that probably ain’t such a good thing, since a few months later she ended up being labeled a sociopath and thrown into a psycho ward. Been there eight years, I think.
And then… B. You think the other two were bad? B was the one who broke my heart, about as much as a heart the size of the Grinch’s, pre growth spurt, can break. God, I had it bad for the bitch. But did she look in my direction? Did she even fuckin’ notice? Nope. Or if she did, she was too damn good for me or somethin’, or else just didn’t care. Or too embarrassed. That had to have been it- she didn’t want to admit that she, Buffy, could be interested in another girl.
And I KNOW she was. Despite all her cringing and prissing and “Eww Faith, you’re disgusting”s, I KNEW she was hot for me. I saw the way she looked down my shirt unwillingly, could feel her eyes following my ass when I walked away. I could tell how turned on she was when I danced with her, when I “casually” cuddled up to her in my “sleep” when we shared a bed as “friends”. .. and the one time that I kissed her, she kissed me back. She fuckin’ kissed me back…
But would she ever lower herself enough to admit it? Hell no, not our blondie princess Buffy.
I think that was sorta what drove me over the edge a while. I mean, stabbing Finch and being pretty panicked about it helped too, but on the other hand, I’d had two out of two lovers go psycho on me, and the next person I fall in love/lust with totally rejects me. It’s enough to make a girl go a little crazy herself.
Hence Angel. You think I’ve had crazy, rejecting fixation-people before? Angel takes the cake. First off, he’s a vampire, which goes above and beyond all the others, as far as wackiness goes. And then, whenever he gets happy, he turns evil and bloodthirsty, like a Cujo or somethin’. It’s not that I really wanted him- he was too broody for me. It was just that he was B’s broody boy, and that was enough to MAKE me want him.
Of course, he screwed me over too. Not literally- no, he managed to wiggle out of that one- but he really fuckin’ betrayed me. He and little princess B had some big plot cooked up to expose me and the Mayor’s evil plans, and of course making me look like an idiot was part of it. And I WAS an idiot. What really made me think Soulboy would want anything other than tiny blondes who stamp all over people’s hearts?
There wasn’t anything for a way long time after that, between plotting Ascension, being stabbed into an eight month long coma, and then prison and redemption. Redemption, that includes lots of celibacy. On the plus side, gaining tons more control over the hornies than I would have thought possible. Also, kinda hard to get burned if you keep away from screwing people. On the minus side, no sex sucked. Enough said.
Now though, I’m with Berdine. No last name, like me… and like me, she’s all about the redemption for past killings path. She’s a Mord-Sith, even more skilled in the ways of torture than I am. And like me, she’s giving it up, trying to get back to the good side.
Neither of us have said we love each other… being women who have brutally mutilated people, not to mention killed them, that just isn’t our way. But I think we both know it’s there. And for now, as long as neither of us stabs each other in the back- or the stomach- or goes crazy psycho killer again, that’s enough.