Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.
Author notes: Another challenge. Pick names from hat to be a character's lovers, make a story out of it with characters in order. Last Faith chapter. In order, characters I picked were Samantha Jones from Sex in the City, Xander, Spike, Harrison Davies from Tru Calling, and Tara.
Everyone seems to think that I just sprang into being in Sunnydale one day at the age of sixteen, brimming with irresistible sexual vibes and knowledge… right. No one just knows anything, even about sex, a supposedly simple enough biological thing that any idiot is supposed to be able to figure out enough to produce more loser morons like himself. Well, as any no-longer-virgin who just screwed it up royally- yep, the pun is intended there- could tell you, you might be able to do it, but doing it right is a different story. Everyone’s gotta have a teacher to show them how to do it right, even me- and sex and slaying are about all I’m good for. And I gotta say, where sex goes anyway, I learned from the best.
Her name was Samantha Jones, and I was fourteen. She didn’t know that at the time; I could and can look much older than my age with the modern magic of makeup. Not to use a cliché or nothin’, but then again, I guess I am pretty much a cliché myself- but we met at a bar. It wasn’t one of the big-shot New York ones Samantha was used to- they let me in without making me show ID, after all- but I can’t say that she minded. Yeah, she was from New York, she was taking a weekend trip with some friends down to Boston though. And I gotta give myself credit where credit’s due here: in a bar full of men she could’ve taken on, any who would’ve thrown themselves at her feet, Samantha Jones the Sex Goddess approached me. Fourteen-year-old, pre-Slayer, stupid little me.
It lasted for all of two days… the whole time she was in Boston. Not long, but god did I learn a lot. I mean, I’d done stuff before, whether or not I wanted to in some cases, but not like that. Nothing had ever happened to me like that…
Not only did I inherit Samantha’s every skill, but also her get-some, get-gone mentality, since that’s exactly what she pulled on me. Believe it or not, at the time I was really dumb enough to think it meant somethin’ to her, regardless of how clear she made it from the get-go that I wasn’t. She thought I was cute- not even hot, but cute, fuckin’ cute- she wanted me, she took me.
Don’t worry, I got her good though for makin’ me feel so stupid and weak. Imagine her face when I told her the “cute” young girl she’d just taught all of her tricks of the trade to was fourteen years old and still in middle school. You imagining? Whatever face you pictured, it won’t do the way hers looked any justice whatsoever.
Too bad no one else seems to match up to her skill level that’s come along since… maybe it’s because most of them have been guys. Notice the use of the word “guys” and not “men”… or maybe it’s just because of the pathetic guys in question. The latter seems to be the more likely option.
I mean, Xander? Need I even mention him? That lasted about seven minutes, tops, and that was with all my efforts to prolong things. How that Anya chick stays so interested in him I will never understand. Now there’s a girl I wouldn’t mind trying out. My guess is she would totally blow Xander and the rest of the sadsack gang outta the water. Probably literally.
And Spike. Please. That was while I was in B’s body- which I’m sure made her scrub herself with hot water afterward at the time. Though ironically enough, she seemed to see it fit to lap up my sloppy seconds with him later. All I gotta say about that little fiasco was if Spike and his “performance” are any indication of how good the undead are in bed, I have no idea what the whole Buffy-sleeps-with-dead-guys is about then. They’re certainly dead all right, you know?
And then there was Harrison Davies. The poor sap… another Xander-type, only this one is self-deluded enough to think he’s actually any good, that he actually earned me. Not to sound all airheaded Clueless girl, but as if. He definitely wasn’t one to spend the night with. He was barely on to call a “goodbye, I’ll call you (even though I don’t have a telephone)” to as I walked out the door.
The worst thing about it is there ain’t even no teachin’ these guys, the way Samantha taught me. They’re like sexually retarded. At the very least, sexually challenged. It wouldn’t be worth the effort, trust me.
There’s one person I wonder about that I haven’t been with yet though… one person that I think could actually be worth it, one person I find myself feeling an interest toward. I think part of it is the mystery of her, almost like the way she keeps to herself makes you want to work to get her, try to draw her out, win her over… and despite what I thought based on how mousy and completely not-hot she looked on our first meet, back when I was still in Buffy’s body, I’m kinda changing my mind now. She doesn’t look so bad… or maybe she does, and I just don’t care anymore, now that I’ve decided I sorta want her.
Yeah, I’m talking about Tara, Red’s shy-girl girlfriend. She doesn’t seem like much at first- she’s all meek and stutter and timid, not my type at all, other than to poke fun at when I’m bored. But I don’t know… for such a quiet thing who looks like she’d jump if you said boo, she definitely has Red wrapped around her fingers. Besides… I know she’s not always so wishy-washy. She’s one of the most powerful witches I’ve ever met. Not that I’ve met a lot, but still. Evil runs from the girl when she gets in chant-mode. She gets very intense, very threatening alluva sudden… very un-Tara. And that’s kinda sexy. Makes me think she’d be a force to reckon with in bed too… because she can blush and stammer all she wants, but I can tell just by lookin’ in her eyes that old Terror has one helluva libido.
Who knows, maybe somethin’ will happen between her and Red someday… and of course, I’ll be lurking ever so innocently around the corner to give her a little comfort. I just have a feeling that as far as protégés go, Terror would be the one who’d take the ball and turn with it. Who knows- she might even be able to teach me a thing or two.